By Lina.
I haven't stopped thinking about that dreadful day, I just wanted to surprise my husband with breakfast and the one who was surprised was me, in all my life I haven't been scared as much as that day, it was also a sea of emotions it was terror already I thought it was blood, then confusion, very angry anger and then fear, fear that someone there entered the apartment and nobody, absolutely nobody has noticed that nobody has seen anything, it is something very suspicious, I did not want to leave home and it has already been a month, I think that when someone goes out they will hurt my husband or leave another message like the previous one.
Natt has come after school and keeps me company, every day my parents talk to me asking how I am and I have finally left here, my sisters say they want to come to keep me company and that I am not alone, they say they will bring "Flower and Sasha" with them to distract me and make my days more enjoyable, my parents say that it is impossible since they are starting the school year they say that they will come during Easter.
Aarón comes from work earlier and brings Chinese, Indian, Thai food, or even does lunch, our afternoons are watching movies and series, the one I have not been able to leave is "Grey's Anatomy", "Suit", "Betty in NY "among others, the one that I love the most is" There I order you "," Virus ", and that's how my afternoons go from bed to living room and from living room to bed, I get up at six in the morning and I don't sleep until eleven o'clock at night, well I "sleep" because with any noise I wake up, I feel like they are watching me at night, I'm not myself, I no longer smile, I no longer sing or dance.
Aaron is already desperate, he doesn't know what else to do to get me out of here, I don't want to see any psychologist or anything like him, I have more nausea than normal, I know that the previous symptoms were because I'm pregnant, a doctor came to the house to check on me since I suffered a nervous breakdown, it was so strong that they had to sedate me, since I discovered who it was "He" who broke into the house, is someone I thought I would never see, someone who caused Maria to go So, what caused Natt for a while to be aggressive and insecure of herself, that Irina had problems with her parents and I well ... it was the worst mistake we have made in our twenty years of life, his return causes me anxiety, I live with fear, I do not know when I can stop feeling this fear that is born from the depths of me. I don't want to say anything to anyone, I know that if Natt found out he would be the same or worse than me, Carlos would be furious and would be capable of anything to see him dead, and I think it would be unwise at this time.
I see my cell phone for the fifth time so far this day, I don't even want to see it, I think that if I touch it, a call from "H" will come in. I feel a horrible urge to vomit, for the fifth time in the day I cry for everything that is happening , because of my sudden wedding, because of the drastic change in my life that I had to do, because of my pregnancy, because of the message, because of my absurd fears and insecurities, because I was so weak, because I couldn't so easily leave everything behind and continue as if nothing, I want to leave my past behind but how to leave it? When does it show up so suddenly?
I would like to run and scream, cry in frustration but I can't because I am a coward, a COWARD, THERE IS GOD! FATHER HELP ME! HOLY MOTHER, HOLY VIRGIN! HELP ME! There is a mother, help me in this sea of feelings, help me to see the path! Be my guide, my light, my defender, my mother, as my grandmother and my mother taught me to always ask God to pray a rosary , never get away from him.
But how to overcome everything from one day to the next so many years of living together, so much time of being friends and then the betrayal, pain and disappointment, and everything fell apart, I struggled to trust the male gender just like my friends , María achieved what we decided not to do, and that was disinterest in feelings, thinking about one first and then about the others, acting and then thinking.
I leave my mind when I hear the door being opened, immediately my nerves get on edge, my ear stops listening to TV and concentrates on being able to identify the steps, at no time do I turn my eyes, I am paralyzed, the steps are heard more Nearby, in a quick movement I grab the umbrella that I have to my left and in a quick movement I turn in a kneeling position but ready to hit, when I see who my body is, it automatically relaxes and I release a sigh from the depths of my being.
What relaxes me is telling myself mentally it's Aaron, it's just Aaron, I feel like he touches my cheek as if he's cleaning something and that's when I'm aware that I've been crying, that disobedient tears are running down my cheeks and ending up in my thermal turtle neck blouse , I can see understanding and hurt in my husband's eyes, I hate hurting her, I never liked her but I know it will be momentary since I will soon recover or I hope so.
- My love, since I came back I missed you a lot, what have you done today? - I know what that does to distract me from what just happened.
- Well, the same thing I've been doing in the past weeks, only ... now I'm armed.- I tell her at the same time that I show her the umbrella, I see how she smiles slightly, and this is when I realize that I don't eh been the only one who has had a bad time.
- Little one, have you considered what I proposed to you? You know that ... - I interrupt him before he finishes.
- No, no, it's not time, but soon I'll be fine ... I'm fine.- I see how what I say didn't convince him much, so he just nods and doesn't say anything.
- Well, I brought pizza and hamburgers, so I wash my hands and have dinner. - I watch him take a box and without looking back he gets lost in the hall.
Slowly I approach the dining room where I leave the bags, I open them quickly since I have been able to detect that it is Penteni mmmmhh my favorite, without being able to contain it a smile sprouts from me because she also brought a lot of ice cream and nutella, maybe she wants me to get fat, If you continue like this, that will happen "is what I tell myself, I will achieve it I know I will be able to, tomorrow no better, next week I will go out, for as long as I will" enjoy "another week locked up, jupi. I go to the kitchen I bring some spread plates for pizza, glasses, Coca-Cola, and a tray full of sweet bread and toasted bread to eat nutella, I finish bringing things to the table and Aaron arrives, seeing that I bring everything up She alone is surprised since this month he had done it, so she serves the soda and we sit down to dinner.
We talked about how things are going in the company, avoid touching on the topic of "H" which I appreciate because I want to enjoy myself, I want to forget what happened even for an hour, since I have decided to leave this absurd attitude and continue with my life, no only for me but for the well-being of my marriage, family and most importantly my baby, whom I have forgotten, I have not taken care of myself as I am supposed to, I do not take vitamins and I know that is wrong, that I have been so selfish I have not started to think about anything other than remembering the past, but no more, NO MORE.
We finish dinner and collect together we leave everything in the sink, to be able to rest and tomorrow first, God will be a new day, I will be someone new, so we decide to rest, we go in the hall and I hear a noise at the bedroom door, I automatically jump behind Aaron and I cling to his back like a cat, I see how he smiles a little and I feel pathetic but I don't know what could be on the other side, so I feel him move and I with him, I hear him open the door , I hear a whimper and a bark follows, which makes me come out of my hiding place and there will be eyes, in doing so I find a very tender scene, a puppy of the Hachiko race or whatever you say, I think it's Akita Inu, He was on top of my shoes with a Aaron slipper as a teether, when he saw us he began to move his tail, I automatically ran to him or her, I carried him and I began to make love to him, I distributed kisses everywhere, Aarón approached smiling , I hug myself carefully not to hurt the puppy and in my ear he said "surprise", I felt so happy and at peace that I smiled and laughed as I hadn't had a long time, we played with him for a while, we brushed our teeth, we put some blankets on my side of He went to bed and without letting go of his new toy, he went to bed without problems, and we lay down to rest from a heavy day, that night I was finally able to sleep as I hadn't been able to in this time.