Sasha took her up the stairs, telling her Hadi was waiting for her with countless others to make an announcement, the surprise that he had promised. Mirha's heartbeat had quickened that she felt it in her fingers, she was even more nervous than before, if it was possible. Though not a clue did she have about what might the surprise be, some repressed part of her was hoping against hope, a foolish notion to entertain, really - her mind kept reprimanding - that somehow she was involved in the announcement he had to make.
When they reached up to the landing that extended into a lounge with one door on each wall, the wooden patio swing in the center was still, unmoving, like the night of agony, and Mirha saw to her utmost confusion that there was nobody there. No sign of Hadi, no sign of the people he was supposed to make the announcement to.
Though before the alarm bells could have rung or so much as yawned, Sasha took her hand and went to the door to their left, stopping just outside it.
"Everybody's in there. Let me call Hadi, okay?" She whispered, the diamond studs adhered to her lobes sparked in the dim light of the lounge, like the last flicker of glow before everything would be plunged into heavy darkness.
"Okay." Mirha nodded once again.
Sasha went into the room, her pencil heels clopping against the tiled floor, and emerged out again only a minute later, with a huge grin splitting her mouth. If Mirha wasn't innocent and as plain as she was, there could have been no doubt about the nature of that smile. It was one of corruption, doused with the entirety of immortality found in any human heart.
"Wait just here. I'll be right back." She said, her voice low, and hurried back to the stairs.
Mirha bit down on her lip and watched Sasha run down the stairs. She turned around on the sound of the door opening and saw to her horror that it wasn't Hadi who came out, but Bilal.
What was there to think, to doubt? Her mind was blank, and for a moment she thought it was all a mistake. Everything.
"Mirha fucking Qadeer." He drawled casually as he leaned against the closed door of the room. What she was doing here, amidst people she didn't belong with? How did she land here? When did she agree to be a part of the crowd - she had no idea. Mirha thought she didn't remember anything from the past few minutes.
She retreated a step, as she blinked, her heart hammering inside her chest.
"Hadi made me wait too long, didn't he?"
The alarm bells finally rung, as if triggered by the mention of his name. "What?" She barely managed through her ragged breathing.
Bilal let out a soft laugh. "Where do you think you're going?"
Just as he said that, Mirha whipped around ready to sprint for the stairs, but Bilal seemed to have lunged forward on time, for he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her roughly towards him. She wanted to scream, but all her voice died down at the back of her throat, her scarf slipping down from her head.
He pinned her against the wall, both her hands caught in his strong grip. The contact of skin on skin, that too of someone with lewd intentions, burned her hands, her fingers, every inch of where he touched her.
"You're not going anywhere now, Mirha, I've waited way too long for this. That slap in front of all those people is going to take everything from you. You shouldn't have done that."
The tears didn't hesitate to spill as if they needed no energy for activation, and rolled down her cheek. Could she escape this? Is she going to survive the night? Or should she better dig her own grave when this is over? There was not a thought that hit straight, her mind was a haphazard whirlwind, like a flurry of autumn leaves that swirl in the gust of wind before falling down on the ground. "I'm sorry. For Allah's sake! Please, please let me go!" She rambled, shaking her head.
Bilal was unmoved, blind to the hysteria building inside her, he moved closer, the heat from his body mingling with the one emanating from her. "Say something that you at least fucking mean! You should have come to me the next day, I might have considered forgiving you. But no, you had to act all pious and pure, but you know what, you are a fucking whore, Mirha Qadeer, you are a slut, you go around fucking everyone in your class and-"
Accusations were vile, tone heinous, eyes bloodshot and clouded with lust, anger, and something else, something akin to disgust and yet far from it. "Please, please," she sobbed, hope suffusing out of her veins.
"You don't even need to wear this." Bilal spat and pulled the scarf off her. It rubbed against her neck where it was looped around, burning her skin from the force it had been worked out. She still couldn't believe, couldn't think of the moment that led her here. Belief seemed far from comprehension, it's never there, anyway, when something bad is happening, something you never want to see happening and this is why we stay in denial long after it.
She felt as if her heart might as well rip her chest and fall out, as she saw the scarf land on the floor where Bilal had tossed it. There it went, far from her reach.
He leaned in and brought his face close to her ear, his breath fanning her skin. A cold shiver ran down her spine, twisting around every vertebrae as it went.
"Mhm, you smell really nice." He said, his voice a sensual whisper. "Let's get you into the room. I don't think Ma'az is going to mind the two of us playing on his bed."
Mirha didn't want to act on it, but she couldn't have let anything happen to her without even trying to resist. She had to do something. Giving up has always been easy, fighting has never. But the repercussions always get you the worst. And drastic times call for drastic measures anyway.
She lifted her knee, reluctantly, but before she could have aimed it, Bilal turned to pull her into the room, just as someone said his name behind them.
It was enough distraction to push him away with all the force she had, when he arched his body at the voice, and surprisingly his grip had loosened just by a fraction as if he was sure she couldn't get away.
Freeing herself, she finally looked up to run and saw it was Hadi who had interrupted at just the right time. All the energy seemed to have drained out, her heart falling back into its place, relief running down her veins. She thought it was over. It wasn't.
"Hadi!" She whispered, finally able to breathe again, her mind all hazy and ran to him. Stopping by his side, she held his arm and dropped her gaze, ashamed, for she couldn't fathom being caught in an act, an act that her mind still refused to properly process. Hadi tensed beside her, all the muscles of his body taught. Her eyes were still wet, the tears lingering on the lashes fell down in slow succession.
Bilal laughed. "And you think you're safe."
Mirha peered at him, eyebrows knitted together, heart losing synchrony again, and looked up at Hadi.
"I can't let you do this Bilal." Hadi said, his voice strained, almost hoarse, as it was all the more difficult for him to be in this situation. "I can't."
Bilal frowned, pushing himself away from the wall he was leaning against, right on the spot he had Mirha pinned. "What?"
"I'm taking her back." Hadi looked away, clearing his mind, the illusion in front of his eyes, and turned to Mirha, placing a hand on hers where she was holding him by the arm. "Come on."
"Hadi, what are you doing?" Bilal said, his voice raised, sounding bewildered at this sudden change of events. "You promised!"
Ignoring his friend's calls of protest for he knew he'd make him understand later, convince him into accepting Mirha, Hadi gently pulled her hand from his arm and walked her down the stairs. She was still silently sobbing, as she allowed herself to be taken by him. Hadi's mind was on fire, guilt and contempt was eating him raw. Seeing Bilal so fucking close to her had almost resulted in him losing his mind, his senses and all. He had blinked, as if hoping the sight in front of him would disappear, that his best friend wasn't the one taking her into the room, that it wasn't Mirha who was being taken. It wouldn't have been only her destruction that night, the night that had also marked the end of their graduation program, it would have been Hadi's destruction too.
Once in the front yard, he took her to the empty lawn chairs in a corner under a tree, and made her sit on one of the four. Placing another chair in front of her, Hadi perched down.
Wiping the tears with the heel of her hands, Mirha couldn't stop herself as she broke into another sob.
"I'm sorry." She heard him say, his voice low and eerily quiet. Mirha wanted to say that it wasn't his fault, that he had nothing to be sorry for, but no words came out because of the mess she was in.
"It's all my fault that you're here."
"It's not." She whispered, her voice still shaking, as she dropped her hands onto her lap, eyes wet.
Hadi glanced at her hands, hesitated before taking them in his own.
Mirha let him for his hold was gentle, soft and surprisingly soothing.
"It is, Mirha. I'm not who you think I am." He said as he dropped his gaze to their joined hands, not able to look at her face anymore, "Bilal is my best friend . . . so yes, I knew what happened between the two of you, even before you told me. Bilal was furious, Mirha, so fucking angry, and its - it's so hard to calm him down when he's angry, he could have done anything, anything rash. I told him I'd - that I would let him have his frustration out, that I'll make you trust me, take you out of college, let him have you."
A pebble hopped on the surface of the ocean, a plopping sound generated by their movement and then there was silence. Absolute, pure silence. She slipped her hands out of his, blood pounding in her ears, head drumming.
The music was blaring inside the house, its loud noise mixing in with the fresh breeze of the night. Hadi couldn't help but feel another pang in his heart at the irony.
You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty
You know I try but I don't do too well with apologies
The lump in her throat enlarged, and she barely managed, trying to swallow it down. "You're lying."
"No." He shook his head, as he finally looked up at her, his eyes swirling with emotions. "I'm not. But I didn't mean-"
So let me, oh let me redeem, oh redeem, oh myself tonight
Cause I just need one more shot at second chances
"I trusted you," Mirha said in a voice barely above a whisper, trying her best to keep tears from falling down her cheeks, trying and failing.
Hadi paused for an entire second.
Yeah I know that I let you down
Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?
"Well, you shouldn't have. Not my fault," He spoke softly, evenly, his face pale and pinched as if trying to hold back emotions of his own.
Mirha pursed her lips, stifling another sob she rose to her feet. Even though her knees were weak, she managed to get out of the house, out into the night that was almost the victim of her rape, the brutal darkness of the night; there, and yet too dark to be seen.
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