"tap, tap, tap"
It was the same sound as in this morning. The sound of footsteps against the concrete.
However I could distinguish a sense of haste in these feets, going home was so important? I always end up procrastinate but I want to build a online business from so long. Why? For the money of course. I don't want millions, I even think too much money is a waste and a man should be satisfied if he has a house and the "normal" expenses (hot water, electricity...) to live.
However I didn't have a "home" I came to the point where I felt like a stranger in my own family. Always critisizing things, the migration, system, the school that doesn't "educates" me, their job, someone that did nothing but they need to find someone to critisize to feel superior, like it produces a certain satisfaction in their close minds. And.... Money, there was always money; "we don't have any money", "Ho gosh, there's an discount", "the boss doesn't gismve us any raise, if it continues like this, we will need to eat our own shoes". It was just... Depressing.
So normally, I want money to buy my own house, not big, even with just one room and toilet, it will be good enough, I never want to speak about this kind of stuff again! I hate to "hate"! Why should I be feeling depressed when we are talking about money! This is not a life!
Am I doing the same? Critisizing others when I do the exact same thing? I procrastinate and never starts my work. Always late in homework, never began my business project, never had the time to work out. My life was full of "never", never grasping the chances to do something but waiting for the others to do it.
"HAAAAA..."
This sound stopped. It was coming from my right. But why I can't look. It was like my neck was glued in one spot, like the muscles in it were so tense that are movement were impossible.
However I knew that a situation were I will be too afraid to do anything, even breath will come one day or other. I watched some videos on this. The important thing is to clear your mind... Which I couldn't do! MOVE BODY MOVE! I imagined the air as some kind of gas that moves around and try to stock it all in my stomach by aspiring with my mouth like a vacuum cleaner. It made a loud nose. I was FREE! But by moving my neck and watching at my left. I said to myself "now you're dead".
There were 4 people standing up. With the look of "modern punks" nothing too flashy, no tattoo, acting all up and laughing. Laughing so hard that the question "how they don't explose" can be asked. A fifth one was kneeled down, some big guy with a small scar on his forehead, quite large in stature, must been working out, looks like the chief of the band, and with a expensive looking silver watch at his right arm where he was holding the hair of a sixth one, a nerd looking guy, a teenager, all skinny, crying on his 4 limbs.
At this point I expected a 7th one hiding behind him but seems that they were just six.
At this point, I freezed up and this time no breath control could help me. They were all looking at me. I know that I watched some self-defense video in case I was in danger or bullied, but at this moment, face to 5 guys, I couldn't remember any of that, my brain felt numb. Limbs couldn't move. I tried but my brain was saying to calm down. I was probably thinking, like with T-Rex, his vision his based on movements, I will not move and everything will be okay. I wished I did some practical in martial arts and not just theory but what can I do against 5 guys? It's a suicidal mission I need to run! But why I can't?! A part of me wish to save that guy? I'm gonna get beaten up just to help some as***le I don't know ?
The big punk moved his front foot. A small step to stand up. His movement was the trigger for mine too. Upon seeing it, I finally could move, and all the motion that I wanted to do while being numb exploded. I went head in in front of me running as fast as I could without even looking back.
Upon a good distance, I finally stopped. Must had run a a hundredth meters or so but no one was following me. Did they got tired? No I was the tired one! So why? The answer shocked me. They were probably still with the poor guy. Out of this situation, it was frustrating to not be able to help, frightened by them and nervous with myself for my cowardice. I was frozen by fear of being hit yes but also because eof his look. The look of a desperate man, seeking help. No apology could be ever said for him to forgive him. And no actions be done for me to see myself in the mirror again. I feel ashamed and so incompetent.
I could call the police but I need to tell them that I left the scene out of cowardice....why I'm so stubborn?
But they will come late, the guys will probably leave long before the police will show up at the scene. That's the only excuse that I could think of to not do anything? I don't know why I went back, maybe because I was angry at myself and needed someone to blame for it, or just because I thought too much and my brain is hurting at the point where it could melt. I was just retracing my steps with nothing in mind and no expectations.
I came back but no one was in the alley, empty beside some trash bin and bits of beer bottle on the ground. I entered the alley but no one, not even a cat. The poor guy too, must had got home. The sun was setting down. And exhausted by all this run, worries, reflection; sat against a wall and blacked out. The world vanished...
I fell asleep.
"hey Yoshite,... "
Hmmm... Yoshite ? And why I am here... I looked at the place. I see, I can't believe I fell asleep.
"... Come back!"
Someoen was standing in front of the hallway. Who can it be?
Suddenly the thought crossed my mind. People were laughing in the background. The same stupid laugh that these boys earlier. Not a unique laugh but it's the last thing I heard today and the feeling of anger and deception in myself was still fresh. Luckily they didn't saw me, hidden behind the bin. What was wrong with me? To come back here next to some punk's territory and sleep her like it's a safe place. It was almost dark outside.
Please god, I know that I didn't save the man earlier, but please! I couldn't do nothing against these guys, 5 versus one, what could've I done?!
I will let them pass and no problem, everything will be alri...
"Guys no one is here! Let's drink here! "