Logan: Hey, we're having a meet up over at my house. Do you want to attend? It's at 7.

(Sent at 12:40am)

Logan: Um could you also invite Lina? We need tons of people for some games that Jake planned out.

(Sent at 12:43am)

Deirdre: I invited Lina like you wanted. But I might be able to come.

(Sent at 10:23am)

Logan: Awesome, thanks so much!

(Sent at 1:03pm)

—————

Deirdre put her phone faced down on the table.

"So you just wanted to invite Lina huh." Before she knew it, tears fell down.

"You should have just asked her directly, and saved me some trouble."

She started to desperately wipe her tears.

"So you didn't want me to come? I guess that's fine. Lina's amazing in every way, how could I compare with my boring personality. I would probably just be a clingy nuisance." Lina grabbed her phone with her tears still ever pouring from her tear ducts.

Deirdre: You're welcome! I just texted her, and she said she would come, but she might be a little late! (Sent at 2:47pm)

—————-

After sending this text Deirdre said, "I should really stop thinking that I actually matter to people."

—————-

When she thought about things from a different perspective, she knew that no one was really attached to her. She knew that no one would contact her unless they had a question or it was necessary. Yet, she wanted someone to say, "Deirdre! Come on! Let's go have some fun!" But she knew that was unrealistic, it was nonexistent. No one at her church wanted to be friends with her, she could barely even manage to see or text her friends within the last two years from school. So in reality, she had no friends.

On her birthday, she had no one to wish her happy birthday other than her parents, brothers, and neighbors. She looked eagerly at her phone and hoped that at least one person who she thought were her friends would at least wish her happy birthday. But no one did, so at night as she lay in bed, she whispered sadly, "I guess you can't expect someone to say happy birthday when they don't know it's my birthday huh. I'm getting more delusional."

One and a half weeks later....

Her group chat which she rarely participated in was wishing someone happy birthday, someone that was actually their friend. She felt sad. She wished she was a part of a circle of friends, but she could only be on her tippy toes to look inside that circle of friends. Even years later, she was only ever on her tippy toes. Back then, she cried at least once a week.

"If only I was different."

At school, she could never interact with her friends. They would only talk of sports and video games which she had practically nonexistent knowledge of, the topics were of high school and college. Their taste in music was nothing she heard of before. And being younger than them, she felt distance, a 1000-mile distance.

"Why can't I be older? Why am I always so quiet? Why am I so boring? This is why I'll be lonely."

The one friend Deirdre did have was Lina, a mature and very fun person. Everyone got along with her instantly, and Deirdre would only follow along behind Lina. Always behind Lina.

When Deirdre hung out with Lina, everyone would be interacting with Lina, ignoring the wallflower that was Deirdre. Deirdre only followed behind Lina and could do nothing but smile and pretend that she understood them.

That night she said, "It's ok if no one wants to interact with me. Maybe I deserve it."