I remember the pain. I remember everything that I've gone through after our break up. Months felt like years. Everyday I tried to hide my pain. Everyday I told myself that everything will be fine. And that I am going to get through with it.
It wasn't easy. I did not know that it was the end of it. I wasn't informed. All I knew back then was that we stopped communicating. I always glance my phone. Waiting for his reply or call for me. I was indeed waiting in vain.
Months have passed and maybe myself got used to it. To stop myself from hoping, I threw all the things that will remind me of my stupidity. I change my number. And then focused on writing my book and my training here at the company. That was how I cope up with everything.
And now that Bastien and I are somehow on track again, my fear of being left alone again is slowly eating my brain. What happened to us, it was messy. And I don't want to let myself experience it again.
I've learned to control my emotions. I've learned it the hardest way. And now that I am slowly letting all my barracades down. And that I am starting to trust Bastien again. How could the heavens play a trick on me like this. Why do they have to let me encounter her now? I am starting to doubt every decision I've made since Bastien came back. Am I still doing it right? Am I not deserving to have a second chance with the one person I have ever loved?
I wanted to shout but I can't. I'm still inside the conference room. We're still discussing about a new project. I've been watching her from time to time. And she never took a glance at me since we started this board meeting. She's good with the way she explain to the investors the details of the project. Bastien probably liked her for her intelligence. Plus she has this coca cola body. She's taller than most models. And her brown eyes and pale complexion looks perfect. She's indeed one of the A team.
Stop it Belle! Stop comparing yourself to her. You are beautiful too just the way you are. I shook myself. How pathetic! Right, self appreciation overloaded.
I massaged my temples as I can feel it throb again. My secretary went to me. She probably saw me.
"Are you alright miss?" she whispered.
"Yeah."
She went back to her seat at my back. And I close my eyes. Focus Belia!
Thank God! The meeting had ended peacefully. I walk out first. Not waiting for the others to go. I went back to my office. I open my drawer looking for my medicine. I got four of it and drank it all together. I sat on my chair and massage my temples again. I close my eyes and sigh. How much longer will I have to suffer?
When I opened my eyes, I knew to myself that I might be busted now. He saw me! Bastien saw me! He's here. Inside my office. Why did I not saw him there? Was I too focused on my pain that I did not felt his presence?
He is staring intently at me. As if trying to piece all the things he saw. Oh no!
I try to calm myself. My reaction probably gave him something to think about.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I was just trying to ease the pain in my head with this meds. Probably exhausted from the meeting a while ago. Uh- why are you early today?"
I sound defensive!
"I'm not early. It's already lunch time. You must be hungry that's why your head hurts."
I sighed. Feeling relief. Not now please.
He is busy now calling his secretary for our lunch. While I lay on his lap. He told me to relax while waiting for our lunch. I watch my toes now. I need to go to a salon for my nails. I should schedule it this Saturday.
He is now massaging my head. We finished our lunch. I wanted to ask him about her. Does he know she was here? Or did he know that I knew about her?
"Bastien"
"Hmm..."
"Reina Sanchez was here during our meeting."
I play with my fingers to distract myself.
"Hmmm..what about her?"
"Don't worry Bastien. I knew that you were a thing before...before you disappear."
I can feel his intense gaze at me now. He lift my chin trying to catch my eyes.
"We were never a thing Belle. Where did you hear that?"
"Don't deny it! Everyone knew. Everyone told me. It's okay. I understand if you choose now to be with her."
"That's bullshit!"
Even the way he curse, my heart felt happy to hear it. I must be crazy!
"Belle, listen. We were not a thing. And she was not the reason why I disappeared before. And I'm sorry for disappearing like that. It wasn't intentional it was just what I needed to do before."
What?!
He held my hand tightly. As I still process what he just told me. They were not a thing. That's for sure!
"What are you thinking?"
"But I thought you had a relationship with her."
All those years. I really thought they were a thing.
"Trust me Belle. We never did. I had different reasons. I'm sorry for leaving you like that."
Different reasons? What could it be?
"Can I ask you what was the reason?"
"Soon Belle. I just need more time. Is that okay?"
I nod my head.
"But did you know Reina Sanchez? Our friends were talking about her and you after you disappeared. And then I was convince too with what they said. I mean she's beautiful and intelligent, you two will look perfect."
"I've met her but it was for business reason not what you think of."
"Uh-uh...Isn't she beautiful? She has this gorgeous body. Her wavy brown hair. Her brown eyes and pale complexion. She looks like a goddess. And I bet she's nice too."
"Where is this going?"
"If I'm not here or if you met her first, I bet you two will really hit that thing off."
"Stop talking nonsense Belle! I have you and that is more than enough. I might have a douchebag to you years ago, but I'm back now. I promise you everything will be okay."
He crouched to kiss my forehead.