"Welcome, one and all! I am Major Rob Gunnery! I have almost 13 years of experience out here on the front lines, so listen to what I tell you, and you may live half as long!"
It's been exactly a week since the recent Duke Tank attack. Due to our prompt report and the destruction of said tanks, command has seen it wise to not only send us more soldiers, but to give us more soldiers with more than basic training. Can't really live up to true experience, but I digress.
And yes, Han did supply the name, but we'll get into that later.
"First off, are any of you particularly good at paperwork?"
A few from the front row raise their hands.
"Congratulations, that's all you will do until I can replace Cpt Hillerd." I announced.
"What!?" Said one.
"What? We've been low on men since the last few battles. Lost both Cpt Hillerd and Cpt Quif from Communications and Recon, respectively."
"I can understand that, sir, but our commanding officer said that we'll be promoted to command a few soldiers for battle thanks to our good performances."
"Ummm, you guys are from Gregor's Camp, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir!" They responded in unison.
"Well, if any of you are still in contact with Colonel Gregor, tell him he's being dumb. There is no way I'm handing the lives of my soldiers to a bunch of greenhorns."
Their faces were priceless.
"Now that's settled, let's meet your captains, minus the one for Comms Company. They will pick who gets to join their team in an order of my discretion. Should you survive the upcoming battles, then we can talk about what the Col promised you. Cpts, come in for roll call."
"Cpt Muen Wif, Vanguard Company. I deal with tactics, attacks, and bluffs. Due to my time spent with the Major compared to the others, you may also refer to me as the second in command here."
"Remember to go to him for all your dumb questions instead of bothering me about 'em." I interjected.
"Sto-" he tried.
"I'm Cpt Cassy Kingsley, Provisions Company. Our responsibilities include defending the base, keeping track of supplies, and delegating miscellaneous duties. I would be the newest Cpt if not for the next guy." She pointed at Han.
"Are you a girl!?" The same private from before exclaimed.
"Man, they're slow. Last group noticed as soon as she walked in..." I mumbled. The private must've heard me, cause he looked at me shocked.
"Now look here, knucklehead!" She said smiling. "Here, we don't discriminate against other soldiers! If you can shoot, you can stay. If you can't, we'll... you'll probably be killed in the next battle."
"I should add onto that by saying if you are caught being disrespectful for discriminatory reasons, you will be tied to a chair and put in solitary confinement!" I added.
"B-but, it's illegal!"
"Private, if you were smart, you would know that that law only exists to appease politicians and non-combatants for the sole reason of guaranteeing that at least half our population doesn't join the army. Now what your name, Pvt?"
"Er, Acting Private Harry Polson, sir!"
"Pfft, he still thinks he's getting a promotion." The last Cpt murmured. Harry heard that too.
"I'll have you know Col Gregor-"
"'Acting' Colonel Gregor only got his position through his wealth and his willingness to fund the entirety of the good camp you went to. Even if he may be a higher rank than me, when it comes to actual warfare decisions, and not training, I have final say! Understood!?"
"Y-yes, sir!"
"Good. Johnson, start."
Han started reading off a slip. "Cpt Han Johnson, Recon Company. I am a- Nope. Ahem, Recon includes scouting, flanking, and espionage. I am new, as the last Captain was shot coming here, but the Major assures me that I am indeed qualified. My more rapid promotion is mostly due to my recent contributions which apparently held major importance."
"Cpt Wif sent him on two suicide missions as recon personnel due to a grudge." I interjected.
"What!?" The prvs and Han exclaimed.
"Finally, my turn. I'm Cpt Snik Dhufle of Support Company. Any leftover soldiers the others don't want or have any idea how to use come to me. We mostly just send people where needed, whether for combat, chores, or manual labor. In this company, you'll learn a little of everything the others do and maybe more. Due to those facts, I will be handling Comms Company as well, though only in terms of delegating duties. Lastly, a fun fact. I've actually served in this battalion longer than the Major. I'm sure he'll want to be the one to tell his story though, so don't get your hopes up. Just come to me to cross reference it, haha."
"That being said, if you don't want to die in battle, I suggest you try to make yourself useful so Command sees fit to transfer you elsewhere. Otherwise, your stuck here til you die or the war ends." Muen added. "Only 19 of the 100 soldiers who got sent here with me got transferred, though. Other than the Major and I, the rest are dead."
A pause.
"On that sobering note, you will all participate in roll call so the cpts know what their getting into by allowing you among their ranks. I mean, other than Polson and crew. Begin."
And so the Prvs all introduced themselves as the Lts ran the base and warded off scouts as is tradition for whenever there are new soldiers.
Quick mention to the prvs lining the walls to deter fighting among the greenhorns.
And finally...
"That's all for now. You have the privilege of joining us in a retreating base, rather than a forward one, and thus have twice the facilities than normal. Enjoy your probably brief stay here, and welcome to Lethal Laser Battalion."