They say that love conquers all, that love changes you in every way possible. Love can defeat all odds. They say that your life isn't the same after love. What they don't tell you about love is that even though we go through a whirlwind of emotions when we fall in love, they don't tell you that it will hurt like fucking hell when you can't make the person you love stay. It's good that I don't have a heart and I have no intentions in experiencing the tragedy that is called love. I've had my fair share of beautiful conquests, a list longer than Taylor Swift's long list of ex lovers, they were too fucking beautiful to be precise, they had their own picture of what their perfect boyfriend would look alike, and sadly I didn't meet their expectations. Maybe it was my reckless attitude, I always had the need to do heartless things and fight with them and make love after we made it up, it was a repeating game. I had an addiction for pain, the way they would look at me after I had said something so vicious to them, or maybe it was the way my tattoos were on show, and the families never liked tattoos, they thought tattoos were so tacky and basically 'a downgrade in human's society.' They had their life planned out, each step of the way, and now? Their life is nothing and they ended up trusting absolutely nobody after me. I stripped away their happiness, the authority to trust another human being and I completely changed their perspective on how they view love..all because I was selfish. My father once told me to find someone good and keep her, but it was never good enough for me, everyone was lacking something that I was searching for. I don't want to sound cliche as love is absolutely pointless, but I want a love that amplifies every emotion I have in my body. I hope that the love I find will guide me out of the darkest shadows and into the light. I want it to bring out the best in me.
My sister was the only person who saw the best in me when everyone else saw me as a lost cause. She'd call me out for making the stupidest decisions and would tell me what I needed to hear.
I still remember that night as if it was yesterday. It was family game night and my father however was the only person that was missing from that night. He stumbled in the house drunk as per usual with one of his work friends and approached my sister. He leathered my sister for coming home late a few times from school earlier in the week. I tried to restrain my father so he wouldn't hurt my sister, however, my father threw me across the living room and into a wall, his friend held me by the throat as I was made to watch.
I could have saved my sister if I had fought back but I was too scared to do so and that was selfish of me. A few hours later, I walked into her room and I saw her hanging from her ceiling fan. I was in a state of panic and despair as I cut her down and held her petit and lifeless body in my arms. I cried out for help and my mother rushed in, she cried out as she clung to my arm.
I fought many demons and I have got many more to fight along the way. This is my story --- how I saw life before my eyes, before I found love, before I experienced happiness and before her.
The sound of the tattoo needle buzzed in my ear as it pierced into my skin, this was the type of pain I was used to and always wanted to experience. The needle moved along my skin as it punctured "SISTER" in Italian. I knew that having a tattoo of my sister wouldn't bring her back and it sure wasn't going to make me feel less sad about what had happened, but there was something about the Italian language that she liked.
"Are you sure you don't want any of this? The tattooist asks me as he holds up a full bottle of liquor. I roll my eyes at him and drape my hand up and down my face, as if he actually said that mid way through my tattoo session.
"Does it fucking look like I need it?" I replied back. He nodded and carried on with the tattoo. I scan through the tattoo idea portfolio, as I wanted a full sleeve tattoo done as well.
"I want this too." I demanded and the tattooist bit his lip. "I have other clients to assist, sorry, Hades." I glare at the tattooist and smirk devilishly. "Tell them you're busy with somebody else. I didn't pay extra for fuck all." I say through gritted teeth. When I said I wanted to feel pain, I meant it, but only the good type of pain and having a tattoo needle get stabbed into your skin hours a time seems like pretty good pain to me.
The tattooist starts creating my sleeve on my left arm, the outline being all black and the shading being a mixture of dark colours. There was a pleasing silence in the tattoo shop, although, I wished the tattooist would speak up so that my thoughts wouldn't run around my head.
"How is your sister?" He questions me, I sigh heavily, anything but this question, please, for the love of God. I know I said I wanted him to speak up, but I didn't know he'd speak about my sister.
"She's fine. She's working away." I reply. I was a sucker for small white lies that eventually got enormous where I couldn't get out of it, but this was more than a little white lie.
"I think our session is done for today." I mumble and he looks at me confused.
"What? You've still got an-" I cut him off by glaring at him. "I said the session is done for today." I say through gritted teeth. I just wanted to be at home, with a group of girls and a lot of alcohol. The tattooist wraps my arm and my wrist in plaster that keeps my tattoo fresh from infections so that it would heal nicely. I thank him and leave the tattoo shop and walk back to the house that my father owns. I know you're what thinking why am I living with my father if he made my own sister kill herself.. My mother gave over full custody of me to my father because she thought that I was misbehaving when I acted out in school and got my first tattoo, she thought she wouldn't be able to cope with me, or another way of putting it is that she never wanted me.
I opened the door of my father's house or other people liked to call it the frat house. I never went to a college, however, it is situated near a college and all the best parties are put on here all thanks to myself, and my father either being out so late or his long haul business trips.
"Hades!" A brunette with a petite body squeals as she sees me. This brunette was one of my best friends and one of my former conquests. She walks up to me and wraps her arms around my torso, she was way smaller than me.
"Are we partying tonight?" She asks me, and I raise an eyebrow at her. "Of course we are." I smirk at her.
"Great!" She squeals. "You can finally meet Vanessa. I reckon she'll be great for you." She tells me.
"Woah, woah, woah... who said I wanted to meet her?" I say as I throw my hands up in surrender, I wasn't really looking to socialise at all, I just wanted to get absolutely wasted and gain a conquest.
I searched through the cabinet to find some liquor, I unscrewed the lid off of the bottle and gulped it down, this was the only thing that was keeping me sane as I kept blaming myself of what happened to my sister. Maisie comes through to the kitchen and tuts at me, as she shakes her head.
"Shut the fuck up, Maisie." I mumble. "I needed this."
"I wasn't going to say anything." She muttered under her breath.
"Oi!" My father shouts and I turn around. He's here and sober.. For a change.
"Did me and your mother raise you up to talk to women like that?" Excuse me? You're talking to me about how to treat women, really?
"Didn't your parents raise you up to not to hit women? Look how that turned out." I spat at him, Maisie backed out and sat on the sofa as my father approached me.
"You know I'm trying to forget about it." My father reasons with me. I laugh bitterly at him. "How could you forget about it? You cost my sister her fucking life!" I bellowed at him, he chuckled unemotionally. "You were a coward for not stopping me, weren't you? He smirked cold heartedly and my fists were already clenched against my side. I immediately pushed him and he flew into the coffee table, glass shattering everywhere.
"You're a bit too late, aren't you?" He sneers and I end up shoving him into a wall. My grasp on him was obviously not enough to console him as he ended up throwing a punch to my face. My nose started to bleed.
"You're a disgrace to our family!" I shout at him as I throw him a punch to his face. I hear Maisie telling me to stop because it's not worth it, but adrenaline was rushing through my veins and I didn't want to stop.
"Boys, stop!" I hear a female voice yell, it wasn't Maisie, so who the heck was it?
Me and my father stop and turn to see mother standing there watching us rip into each other.
"Is this really necessary?" She asks and well, I have no idea what to actually say to her.
"Lizzie.." My father mumbles as he stands up. "It's great to see you." He says smiling sheepishly at her.
"My name's Elisabeth. I wish it was mutual feelings." She says bitterly. "And you.." She says as she looks at me. "You're a goddamn mess, look at you." She tells me. I roll my eyes at her.
"How nice of you to pretend to care." I say sarcastically and she scoffs at my witty reply.
"How dare you say that, of course I care, Hades." She uttered.
"You gave up on me, Elisabeth." I stated.
"Show some your respect, I'm your Mother." She shouted at me.
"No you're not. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Elisabeth, actually, I don't care." I say bitterly as I shrug my shoulders.
"Don't be mean to your mother, boy." My father demands me. "Shut the fuck up woman beater." I recite and walk through to the living room where Maisie was.
"C'mon, let's go and chill in my room." I tell her and she nods, standing up.
"Maybe you shouldn't be mean to your parents, Hades." She suggests as we walk up the stairs, I look at her and raise an eyebrow. "Want me to be mean to you too?" I ask her and smirk her on purpose. "Oh, please don't." She says giggling. "Your wish is my command." I say jokingly.
We entered my bedroom and I shut the door.
"So, are we still having the party?" She asks me as she sits on my bed.
"You ask stupid questions, of course we are. And it'll be one of the best the frat house has ever seen." I inform her.
"Please try not to bring out the old Hades, you're trying to change." She reminds me.
"I'll try." I tell her and sigh heavily. I hope this party doesn't bring out the old me. I'm trying to change and become a better version of myself.