They say that love conquers all, that love changes you in every way possible. They say that your life isn't the same after love. What they don't tell you about love is that even though we go through so many emotions; excitement, pain and happiness; love is temporary and people do leave.
I've had my fair share of beautiful conquests, they all had their life planned out before me, but after me? their life was made to nothing and they never once trusted anyone again after me. My father once told me to find someone good and keep her, but it never was good enough for me, everyone lacks something that I had been searching for.
I don't want want to sound cliche as love is absolutely bullshit, but I want a love that amplifies every emotion I have in my body. I want it to go into every deepest and darkest depths of me and guide me out of the darkest shadows and into the light. I want it to bring out the best in me.
The only person who saw the best in me was my sister. She saw the best in me when everyone thought I was a lost cause. My sister would tell me to 'man the fuck up' when I was feeling weak and helped me out a lot.
I still remember that night, everything was perfect. It was a normal family night. My father had come home drunk as per usual with his friend and started to throw punches at my sister for being late home a few times during the week. I tried to push him off of her, my mother was crying in the corner as she watched. My father threw me across the living room and into the wall, his friend held me against the throat as I was made to watch.
I could have saved my sister if I had fought back but I was too scared to do so. A few hours later, I walked into her room. She was hanging from her ceiling fan. I was in a state of panic and despair and as I cut her down and held her petit and lifeless body in my arms. I cried out for help and my mother rushed in. She fell to the floor and cried out as she clung to my arm.
I fought many demons and I have got many more to fight along the way. This is my story- how I saw life before my eyes, before I found love, before happiness found me and before her.
The sun shone brightly through the tinted windows as I hit the snooze button on my alarm. No getting up yet, I felt like absolute death.
I feel a small pair of hands drape around my naked torso and I groan as I sit up in bed. The brunette sat up against the puffy pillows she had leaned on the headboard and smiled softly at me. Me and the brunette had been friends for a long ass time, and her name is Maisie. I'd like to say she was one of many conquests but unfortunately she wasn't and neither of us liked each other like that.
"I'm surprised you're awake, you were out of it last night, Brady." She informs me, and a slight smile leaves her small curled lips. I sigh deeply, clearly I was embarrassed at the fact that me and Maisie could have done 'things' and I don't fucking remember.
"I don't remember a thing, how much did I have to drink?" I ask her and she bites her lip as she gives me a sheepish smile.
"You clearly drank a lot. We kissed a little.." she tells me and I look at her with my eyebrows raised.
"We did what?" I mumble and turn away in embarrassment. I just hope she's kidding with me. She's not the type that I'd kiss, never mind fall in love with.
"We did." She tells me. "It's no biggie." She says shrugging her shoulders.
"Well shit." I mumble. I check the clock and it reads 11:42am. I was late for work at the hardware store, it's becoming a habit of mine recently. I get out of bed, as I pick up my trousers from the chair and put them on as fast as I could.
"Where are you going?" She asks me with puppy dog eyes, I gotta admit they were cute, but not as cute for me to stay home this time.
"I'm going to work." I say softly and she puts her hand over her mouth, trying to snigger quietly.
"Brayden and work, together? Like that's gonna go down well." She says and let's out a small chuckle. I roll my eyes at her witty comment and continue to get dressed ready for work.
"I'm trying to make amends with my life." I tell her. I sigh heavily. She was the only person that I could tell anything to, but I guess you shouldn't really trust anyone at all.
"You will never change, Brayden. You can't change who you really are. Evie died because of you. You could have saved her." She tells me in a harsh tone. I shake my head at her. Seriously, Maisie?
"Don't you see that I'm trying?" I try to reason with her, my voice spitting out venom as I speak.
"You'll never change, Brayden. Just accept that already." Maisie tells me bluntly, it was hard to believe, coming from her but maybe she was right.
"You left your sister to get beaten up and she ended her life. What kind of a brother are you?" She says and she scoffs softly.
I sigh heavily. "I did what I could. Don't you dare bring this up. Jesus fucking Christ." I raise my voice at her and she looks straight into my eyes. "What did you do? Yeah, that's right, nothing!" She argues back. I frown as I knew that she was so... fucking right.
"You're just bringing this up because I won't fuck you." I say slyly as I smirk and she rolls her eyes at me.
"It's not my fault that you're not what I'm looking for." I utter coldly.
"It should have been you hanging from that ceiling fan not Evie!" She bellows at me with tears threatening to stream from her beastly brown eyes.
She gets up from the bed and gets dressed and puts on her shoes. She storms and I frown.
I didn't mean to make her cry. Some of the things she said made me react in the worst of ways. I run my hand throw my messy curls as I think of what to do. Work.. or loose my best friend?
"Maisie.." I mumble as I run after her. I finally catch up to her after what it felt like ages and I grab her arm and spin her around so she's looking at me.
"You don't care who you hurt as long as it makes you feel better." She says sniffling and quiet whimpers leave her mouth.
"Why'd you bring her up?" I ask her as I look at her, searching for answers as to why she said it as I look into her eyes and wait for her body language to become present.
"I was hurt, you wouldn't sleep with me or date me." She reveals and I bite my lip. I do feel a bit hurt but I didn't let it show. "I told you, Maisie. I don't date." I tell her.
"That isn't what you told me when you kissed me, last night.." She says and smirks at me. I exhale deeply.
"It was a one time thing.." I tell her. "It won't happen again."
"Yeah.. of course it won't cause I'm leaving today." Maisie notifies me and I'm quite taken back at this information.
"Why?"
"I'll see you around, Brady." She utters quietly and she gives me a quick peck on the cheek. I watch her walk away until I cannot see her in sight anymore and I kick a wall in frustration. She's really leaving me when I need her the most?
"Shit.." I mumble quietly to myself. I go back to close my apartment door and leave to go to work. I walk fast I try to get there as soon as I could even though I was extremely late. My work shirt rests on my shoulder as I walk into the store.
"What time do you call this?" My manger roars at me. I'm guessing he was mad.
"Oh, give me a break." I mumble under my breath.
"First, you're very late and secondly your attitude fucking stinks. You're lucky I haven't fired you.. yet." He warns me and I nod my head.
"It won't happen again, sir."
"It better not happen again, now go freshen up." He tells me and I go to walk to the customer toilets.
My manager watches me and he folds his arms and placed them across his chest. "No. Not the customer toilets." He speaks.
I make my way to the staff rest room and go over to the sink. I turn on the water and let it run for a while before I splash some water onto my face. I then put on my work shirt and button it up. I turn off the water and lean against the sink and look into the mirror. "Fuck." I mumble to myself as I banged my hand harshly on the sink. I looked into the mirror and I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. Maybe Maisie was right, maybe she left because I was too toxic to be around.
I walk into the staff room and sit down into a chair. I slouch down into it and rest my head on the back of the chair and dozed off. What felt like a few minutes but it was actually hours, I was startled as I was shaken awake.
"And... you're fired." My manger informs me.
"Wait, what?"
"You heard me.." he argues back. Fucking great. Could life get much more fucking worse than this?