I was confined to the four walls of my chamber and allowed no visitors. I wasn't even allowed to send a few penned lines to Finn. Ceri promised she would inform him of the agreement on my behalf. I was left with no choice but to trust her. We trained vigorously. The harder she pushed, the harder I pushed back. I was determined to see Finn again. Would I actually be able to win? The first few months, I didn't think so. But Ceri was actually a fair trainer. She was smarter than I ever gave her credit for. She taught me how to utilise my size and strength as an asset rather than a weakness. Former disadvantages became opportunities to find weaknesses on my opponents.
Oddly, I began to enjoy training with Ceri. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was part of a family. My parents cheered me on during my mock battles. They congratulated me when I won and when I lost, they offered guidance and advice to improve. Father began to narrate stories about his glorious days of warfare, when he'd fought battles for the King. I learned about the many people he cared for that had to pay the ultimate sacrifice for the kingdom. I learned about the Great war too, where his brother had been dismembered to death. That was the spark that flamed his fury, sending him on a rampage, which ended with the beheading of the opposing General. For that, he was awarded the statue that I carelessly knocked over as a child. I began to see a different side of him, a side to him that I rather liked and respected.
I held onto my steadfast faith though. The only life worth living would be a life with Finn. My passion for independence made me a much stronger fighter, exceeding even my family's anticipations. After several months, I was ready to be put to the test.
The qualification bouts that marked the official start of the Battle were based on points, not death. The first fight was harder than I imagined it would be. The helmets rendered visibility difficult. The armour was cumbersome to wear in the searing heat of the day. Its weight slowed me down, its metal mask made it hard to breathe. However, as adrenalin bolted though my veins, I quickly forgot about all else and let my primal desire for survival jump to the forefront. A vicious series of clashes later, I managed to deprive my opponent of their weapon. I was proclaimed the victor, suffering only minor cuts in the process.
Every qualification round that followed stole a slice of my strength but ended up going down on the scoreboard as a resounding win. I still missed Finn, but over the months I had grown close to my family too. As they began showing their pride for me, bragging to their friends of my success, I realised that I yearned for their approval and enjoyed their praise.
On the day the last qualification round came to an end, the decision was passed. I made it to where two opponents would duel to the death. I had never killed before. I began to fear both outcomes. If I lose, I die. If I win, I must end another's life. Both seemed horrible.
Ceri offered advice. "Killing is not as hard as it seems. The first one's tough, but soon, you get over it. The trick is to avoid looking in their eyes."
The thought of it was disturbing to me. I wondered if I would be able to go through with it should I be faced with the cruel decision during the fight. It prickled my conscience and stole my sleep. On one side was my love for Finn and my family, and on the other, my morals. And as many sleepless nights thus passed, the dilemma steadily grew into distress where I saw no clear victor anymore.
_
The night before the final round, Ceri joined me in my room. We lay in bed together staring up at the stone ceiling, like twin siblings sprawled on a flowerbed gazing at the skies.
"Ceri, I'm scared for tomorrow."
"You'll do great. You've trained hard. I'm proud of you."
I smiled. "My goodness, you're proud of me? I honestly never thought I'd hear you say those words."
Ceri sat up, I did too. "You've impressed me. I never thought you would make it this far. I just want you to know that, no matter what happens tomorrow…" Her eyes began to tear up, I couldn't believe it. I didn't know she could cry. She pulled me in close for a hug. "No matter what, I love you." I teared up too. This seemed like a dream.
"If the time comes to kill my opponent, what if I can't do it?"
"You have to, you understand. No matter what, you have to do it or else you'll be the one with a sword in your chest."
"I'm not sure which outcome is better. Can I really live with myself if I kill someone? I mean, it's an innocent person."
Ceri grabbed my shoulders and gave me a stern look. "Promise me, you won't shy away. You'll finish it. Promise me now."
She was serious, she was always serious, but now more than ever. "I promise," I sighed. Although, deep inside, I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep my word.