I need to apologise for not updating in way WAY too long. Kind of embarrassing, but I had a hectic year. I hope people still read this. If you do I appreciate you so much you have no idea. (also again I barely know how law firms work)
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Lukas has been staring at me silently for what felt like a solid minute. Who could blame him?
What can you say in this sort of situation? I wanted to puke. Actually vomit. As if that would stop making me want to claw my eyes out Odipus style. The second I saw his picture, his stupid fucking picture, I recognized him. He was older, his hair greyed at the sides, but the black eyes remained the same. Like they were taken right out of my nightmares to remind me that this monster wasn't just a figment of my imagination.
"What do you want to do?"
Whatever it is I'll follow you, didn't need to be said.
"I know I don't want to work the case. I can't."
"Ok, then we're out."
As much as the idea that he would give up the case for me made my hopelessly romantic side of the brain swoon, I realized asking him to do that wasn't fair. Especially with how hard he worked to get it.
"No, you wanted to be on the case-"
"I am NOT helping defend a fucking pedophilic rapist."
I closed my eyes, hoping my voice won't shake as much as my hands were.
"Then what? I know he's guilty. I can't do nothing. I can't- I can't see him go free again."
Lukas nodded in understanding and opened the file.
"The plaintiff is represented by Simon Mayhew's firm. And I know that they just made Chloe Wilson a partner. Who specializes in these types of abuse cases. I would bet anything she is the lead prosecutor in this case."
I stared at him for a few seconds.
"It's Victoria. Chloe was two years above her. They got on well. And she talks a lot, sometimes I listen. Victoria I mean."
"And why is that important?"
"Because now we know who we can go and offer our services to."
I didn't really realise I snickered until Lukas's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"You do realize they know where we work right? No way are they listening to anything we say. They would be idiots to not assume we're doing a whole corporate espionage thing."
Lukas bit his lip trying to stop himself from smiling. The effort was moot considering his eyes were always more expressive than he assumed. And right now they twinkled with amusement.
" What? "
" First it's not corporate espionage, because we are not a corporation. And second, we technically are just consultants. We aren't lawyers, we are on their payroll, but you seemed to have forgotten something about that."
He sat on his chair, setting his long legs on the table. Feeling incredibly clever, which was warranted, because I did indeed forget something.
I chuckled to myself, completely baffled by my own lack of knowledge of my personal finance situation.
"We can choose not to participate."Lukas smirked.
"We don't get paid for the time, but... " he started.
I walked to his side of the table. Lukas followed my movements and turned toward me,as much as his current position allowed. I leaned down to him, my lips teasingly close to his
own.
"Nothing ties us to it." I finished his sentiment.
I knew he could feel my breath on him, because he closed his eyes, anticipatingly. I only grinned and stepped back.
He groaned: "You're so annoying you know."
I laughed.
"But seriously how do you forget how your income works? How your contract works?"
"Being a billionaire usually helps me with not worrying about my paycheck."
He rolled his eyes.
"So lovely of you to remind me why eating the rich is a thing."
"You already did that."
If I didn't know any better, I would say he was blushing.
"So, what's the plan? Want to go work for the opposition?" he quickly changed the subject.
"Like you don't know the answer."
X
Mr O'Neal was looking at us like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. And, well, it wasn't exactly unjustified.
"So, after you threw a tantrum, not just once, and Mr Spencer basically strong-armed me into allowing you on this case, now you don't want to work on it?"
Lukas, crossing his arms in his go-to defensive stance, retained very confident eye contact with his father.
" Yeah, pretty much."
"Lukas, what the hell is going on with you?" He stiffened beside me.
"Look, fine ok, you were right. I don't think I'm ready yet. Not for a case like this."
I could almost feel how much he had to force those words out and if his father hadn't started speaking again I would have probably blurted out the real reason why he wanted to get out.
"Fine, but do you need to go talk to-"
"No."
Lukas's voice was sharp, quickly cutting his father off, which on a better day I might pay more mind to, but today was a lot already.
"Great, bye."
Lukas said after a few moments of silence on his father's part and hurried out of the office with me in toe.
X
We were waiting in Chloe's office. Lukas somehow managed to get us the meeting right away. Or maybe I shouldn't have been surprised, considering the combination of his ability to talk circles around someone until they get to the destination he wants them at and the mention of my name, we would've gotten the meeting sooner or later. Her office was modern, full of white and blace polished furniture and designs that felt so impersonal and pristine it might as well be a display at IKEA.
Lukas nudged my leg.
"You alright?"
"I'm fine. Just... I don't like her office."
"Why? It's nice, well decorated-"
"It reminds me of the apartments me and Margo used to live in as kids."
Lukas looked around again.
"Designer?"
"Yes, like from a magazine. Literally. My mother would hire a decorator, show her a picture of how she wanted it to look and bam. We live in a doll house where everything is too sterilized and perfect and there wasn't a corner of it that was really made ours."
Lukas nods and I expected this to be the end of that.
"I don't like when there is too monotone. It reminds me of hospitals."
Lukas never mentioned this particular dislike. I was about to ask further when the person with her name on the door walked through them.
"The O' Neal youngest, I did not expect to see you here again?"
Again?
"Yeah, I wouldn't be but if I hadn't had a favour to ask!
"A favour?"
"Of sorts. It's about the Eastman case."
She straightened. Her previously inviting and familiar demeanour exchanged for an impenetrable stillness. She was a constant professional and from the way she was already in a defensive stance before we even began the conversation, this will be difficult.
"You want to talk to me about a case your firm also represents?"
"We don't want to talk about it, we would like to help you win it."
She first just stared at him and then glanced at me to see if this was some sort of joke. When my face remained serious she lightly chuckled.
"Does Erik think I'm an idiot? Or do you two think that?"
"We aren't working for them on this case."
She scoffed at Lukas, glancing at me again. She was waiting for me to say something.
"Right. And I'm supposed to just believe that."
"If you wouldn't mind."
I really had the urge to smile. This sort of attitude of Lukas's used to bring the absolute worst out of me. Now I had to admit, it was charming.
"Even if I did believe you, why do you want to work on it?"
"We are not willing to fight for his absolution."
She leaned back, tapping her fingernails against the star slide blade desk.
"How come? Innocent until proven guilty remember?"
Lukas rolled his eyes, very much starting to get annoyed with this conversation. I knew that if his mood deteriorates further, he will start using a lot more colourful language with a lot less - respectful tone. I lightly bumped his leg with mine. He corrected his expression.
"Cute... Look we want to make sure this guy doesn't walk out of that courtroom without hand-cuffs, so we're here to offer our services."
she stayed quiet, trying to figure out if he was bullshitting. Which is difficult when you know him, but impossible when you don't. For someone who plays poker as badly as one possibly could, his poker face really is exceptional. I have tried teaching him, to abysmal results, him being far too cocky and impulsive. Also, he can't remember the names of the card combinations to save his life.
"You want to consult?" she stated, more than actually asked.
"Yes."
"We don't need a criminologist. We have all the statements and reports-"
"What about a criminal psychologist?" he interrupted and pointedly looked at me "Because I only bring the best."
I was so glad I got used to controlling my reactions around him because otherwise, my face would be the most colourful thing in this room right about now.
"Aaron Spencer. Yes, I did hear about you. New wunderkind."
"I wouldn't go so far."
"Don't be modest. Your interviews and testimonies kept a lot of our defendants from being granted parole."
Lukas scoffed beside me: "Like any of you work as public defenders. Your shoes are way too nice."
"Sometimes we do. And some do have enough money to pay us properly."
"Look, I only want to help you?" I added before they could start with verbal digs properly.
Her expression softened, if only a tiny bit. If nothing else at least I knew she believed me on that.
"I still can't just let you onto the case, even-"
"How much do you actually know about him?" I knew my voice was getting more intense, considering Lukas's concerned look.
"We know everything that was given to us or that was available. the police-"
I had to really force myself not to roll my eyes.
"Yeah, I know what police records say. No priors, no nothing. You might want to know his two ex-wives, that are so quick to defend him every time, also seem to have very well supplied bank accounts. Apparently, they were both very clumsy. I mean those stairs can be tricky."
She shifted in her sit. She was uncomfortable. She should be.
"Oh, and I'm sure those very detailed police reports and public records mentioned how he not only cheated on both his wives but also did it with minors."
I had to catch my breath to prevent my voice from breaking. Lukas squeezed my hand under the table.
"And those minors weren't treated any better than the wives."
She didn't know what to say. Who would?
"How do you know this?"
"For the purposes of your deniability, I can't be more specific."
"Do you have evidence? That wasn't procured illegally?'
"Unfortunately no. He cleans up after himself very well. The only way you could get anything is if you convict one or both of the wives to testify."
"Or the women he had affairs with."
My stomach plummeted. There was no way, no way, I was bringing Kara into this. Or Tim. Especially not Tim.
"No."
"But if we were to-"
"I will not disclose their names. End of discussion. Get the wives to talk and the doctors to confirm the injuries. I am sure he hasn't changed his MO. much."
She nodded, sensing that pushing the issue, wasn't a great idea."
"We'll look into it."
Lukas and I stood up and shook her hand.
"Thank you."
We turned to leave when she stopped us, sounding like she was still debating if she should've done it.
"Mr Spencer," she was sitting again, twirling her pen, "You appear to have deep knowledge of the accused, so it would be unwise of me to reject this sort of opportunity. Your consult might be useful."
"Might be?" Lukas whispered beside me.
I couldn't agree more. I took one of the pens on her desk and scribbled my number on a sticky note.
"Contact me any time."
"Will do."
X
Lukas was driving us to his apartment.
"Are you ok?"
This was the first time either of us has spoken since we left Choe's office. Frankly, I really didn't have much to say. He parked.
"I'll be ok when he's in prison. Or dead."
I didn't need to slam the car doors as harshly as I did. But it didn't make me feel worse in that moment so...
"Aron."
"Sorry," I wasn't looking at him, "I didn't mean to close it that hard."
"What?" he turned to the car and narrowed his eyes at it, like it attacked me not the other way around. Blaming the victim mentality.
"I don't care about the fucking car. Do you need me to do anything?"
Yes, let me stay.
"No, drive me home. Please."
He stepped closer, but with him it never quite felt like he was breaching my personal space. He was weaved into it. His hands travelled from my arms, around my back and he pulled me toward himself.
I didn't do anything. I let my forehead rest against his shoulder. He smelled like...snow. When you wake up early in the morning, go outside and it's freezing, but all you can think about is how it might snow later.
Only when I felt his chin on the crown of my head did I realize we weren't hugging. We hugged many times. No, he was... He was holding me. And I let him. As if this way was an everyday occurrence and not something that basically made me stop breathing for a second.
"What do you need?" The question was quieter now, less demanding like he knew. I will answer truthfully this time.
"Just... allow me this."
He let out a hum and despite everything for some reason that little sound made me smile. There weren't many instances where Lukas was caught without a response at the ready. His tongue too quick for his filter sometimes, so hearing that he had no idea what to say or more possibly how to say it was simply amusing to me.
"C' mon," his hand was on my back guiding me toward the entrance of his building like I wouldn't already be able to navigate the path blind. His palm was never warm, sometimes I worried about his circulation and yet right now he might as well be holding a piece of molten iron.
We stepped into his apartment, his Christmas lights still very much there, despite being in the middle of August. I always made fun of him, for being too lazy to put them up in December so he just has them year-round, but I loved them. He still looked beautiful in the purple light.
"There is probably some really shitty show on MTV. It might make you feel better. Seeing all those stupid people. Hooking up with other somehow stupider people."
I knew he didn't know what to do with himself, what to say, so worried he will do or say something to upset me. Because he thought he wasn't good with delicate situations. Despite noticing everything, annoyingly cataloguing all the details that he might need someday, he still couldn't see that just his presence was most of the time enough for me.
Because I trusted him, completely, without thinking, with all of me.