Okay, let me just say I'm pretty sure I have said that I shut myself off from the world. Literally the only people I've kept in contact with with my family and two best friends but even then I probably talked to them at least once a month. I never went out. I had my necessities delivered to me and I was a writer who had the luxury of staying at home while I did my work. So how the hell am I going to remember someone I've never met. "I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong person. I rarely go out so I have no time to meet new people. I'm sorry to say that we have never met." he stares me down for a little while longer and then turns away to his desk. "I'm sorry you just look so much like an old friend of mine that I thought you were her." he let out a bitter and awkward laugh. "So what can I help you with? What type of surgery are you looking for? Any references or new looks?" although I wanted to look entirely different from my current state I wasn't sure what I was going for. He could clearly see that I wasn't sure what I wanted so he asked me what it was that I wanted to change. I told him everything I wanted to look so different that you couldn't tell that I used to be me. He looked at me, took off his glasses, and asked me why. A bit of pain came to my chest. "Why? Maybe some part of me still wants me to get his attention is what I would have said if it still mattered to me but right now all I want is to make me happy do what every other girl gets to do. I've spent four years locked up in my room because I was scared of what everyone else had to say but today I have an opportunity to start fresh and live in the light. He smiled at this time. It was genuine that he wrote something down. "Friday. I can schedule your appointment for Friday. You have three surgeries down but if you really want this it has to be down." I shook my head and thanked him. I'll admit I was a little emotional. I may have cried a little but it was because of the change I was about to go through
from Shi yang
Next day entre
Dear diary,
I've felt as though I have not mentally felt anything in a while. I have shut myself off for so long that I can no longer feel for anyone else or even myself. It's funny actually I hate the thought of love because I am incapable of finding love. But I know love is something people tend to use for everything. How can the person you love hurt you over and over again call what they do you love? I want to find someone not to rely on but someone who has no intention of falling in love. Today I had a well blind date with someone Jean set up. I know why she did it, she just won't admit the reason that she helped me with finding a date is because she knows that I don't have a date for the wedding. She says that he's her oldest brother but they are not siblings by blood only by their parents' marriage. I'm about to meet him in Zorrillos. I'm still a bit numb from the surgery but I have to go because I promised her I would. I went to the mirror to look at myself. Tears unconsciously rolled down my face. More than anything I wanted to be different, feel different, even look different. Now that I am I feel nothing but a sharp pain in my chest. What would people say if they knew the reason I look like this is because I was ashamed of the way I look the way people looked at me. Most importantly what would Jean and Yuri say. I wipe my tears and start to think about the good things to come. I check my phone and see I got a notification that my ride's here so I grab my bag and I walk out. While I was in the car I got a message from Jean. She said that he was already here waiting for me and that she gave him my number. Shortly after our conversation, I got a text message from an unknown number.