"It wasn't exactly easy, and what I meant by saying that was that everyone hated me to the point where they were jealous of me and my talent. Sometimes they pulled pranks on me, they tried to injure me and make it hard for me knowing that I wasn't the type to retaliate, so they took it for granted until Lucifer stopped them with the rest of his friends, well our friends now."
"That's..."
"Not nice?"
"I wanted to say cruel." I really looked into his cat-like eyes and I swear that for a few seconds I could see the pain and the fondness at the mention of his friends. I remember that while I stayed with the Holy Strategists I learned of their friendship, and how much they did for Heaven. And now, standing before him for a few minutes, I let my walls put up against fallen angels down. I let myself feel what I did before. I felt admiration for them, I felt that nothing I did would be enough to prove that I can reach the top like they did, and so I gave up. During the years I only tried to do my best and not care anymore.
But now... now I let myself open for him to see that all these years I admired them and still do, because they have the power to do something which I can't. They stand against the elders and everything wrong but right in the eyes of the High Circles.
"You-"
"I know that you can feel the envy rolling of off me. It's because I envy the fact that you can stand against the elders without caring about the consequences, without fearing about what will happen, about tomorrow. I, on the other hand, can't bring myself to do it since I know that those dear to me won't be able to bear the backlash. I wish I was stronger than I already am, but no matter what I do.... no matter how hard I try, it all goes down the drain."
"You know... it hasn't always been like that. There used to be times when even we feared what will happen to us, but we overcame our fears because we knew that in order to stand by Lucifer's side we needed to be his strength, not his weakness."
"You make it sound so easy..."
"Isn't it?"
"Not when you are the only hunter in your group of three!"
"Well... it shouldn't be so hard, should it?"
"It isn't that hard, but it's impossible to go against the elders when you have a seer and a follower in your team that can't even run fast enough to save their lives or don't have control over their powers or better said, they don't know how to control their gifts!"
"That does sound problematic. But with patience you can make it!"
That's so easy for him to say, but I do not have patience since I do not have time! The elders are sooner or later going to do something to hinder me more, and I do not know what. I just can not imagine what will happen next because I've already had enough of this war. I'm sick and tired of it, of losing people dear to me, of having the blood of my comrades on my hands, of having to bring the news to the families of the deceased on. Not only that, but I've reached my breaking point and maybe there is not much time before I'll be breaking apart.
I could feel a stray tear rolling down my check leaving a trail behind. I saw Leviathans eyes following it down my check and stopping on my chin.
"Come on here!"
The invitation for a hug and a shoulder to cry on was something I would stubbornly reject, but I could see the fact that he was sincerely willing to comfort me. Maybe fallen angels aren't really that bad.
I walked the distance between us in three wide steps and threw myself, literally, in his open arms. It's so comforting even though it shouldn't be. The way he wrapped me tight in his arms makes me feel safe, although there shouldn't be any reason for me to feel like I'm in danger. The smell of his perfume also does him justice. Lavender and Chamomile combined with the smell of fresh air, nature and mint. Mhmmm... It smells divine.
As far as I'm concerned, I stayed in his arms like this while he held me tight for about five minutes before I started crying, even though I really tried to hold it back-
"That's it! Let it all out, Rosemary. Let yourself be free. No one but us will know, so let yourself be and let your walls down. Don't try to deny it, because you need it. You've been bottling your emotions for far too long now. It is about time you let yourself feel again!"
"B-b-but... I… I shou-shouldn't be-because.... because letting my-my self feel means that-that I'm weak."
"IT doesn't make you weak, Rosemary! It makes you who you are! It proves that you survived with your heart intact after everything you went through, and you didn't let yourself be broken and mended back into a heartless monster!"
"H-how could you... possibly know?"
"I've been in your place and Lucifer knows how many times I myself almost turned into a heartless bastard while in both Heaven and Hell. But he didn't let me. He lent me his shoulder to lean and cry on. Gave me a hug if needed. Kicked my ass during training so that I would have more of an ambition to return the favor next time we trained, and that means that I trained harder so that I could stand by his side no matter what. No matter who challenged us, I wanted to reach the point where I could be called to some extent his equal."
"I see... Was it hard?"
"No. But I gave it my best because I knew that no matter how many times I feel, my friends would always be there to lend me a hand and point me in the right direction."