Hi , i am Matze 16 and live in Germany . This story is about me (who would have though) i am a pretty stupid person with some mental illnesses , English isnt my first language and i dont even know if or how much i will write .

Some stuff about me , I dont really know much about emotions i am kinda coldhearted and feel many emotions , i somehow lost most of the memories from my childhood which makes it really hard to bond with people . But when i bond with someone its hard for me to not be to annoying since i dont have many friends . I like reading novels and Games . I am in 10th grade never had a relationship and am not really sure what to do with my life . I have some friends if you can call them that but i dont really feel anything for them . In School i act really extroverted so that i get enough social interactions but i am not really in control anyway . In School its like i am a different human since i just activate some sort of auto pilot . I think this will be like a dairy or something like that . I will tell you some things about people around me so if i write more it will make sense. The closest person to me is a Female Classmate i will call her Cookie she is depressed but an outgoing human almost everybody likes her but she wears a mask at school . Next us a classmate named Alex , he is a nerd like me we talk about science a lot he isnt really sporty and he doesnt like conflict . They are my closest friends , other people arent close to me at all . I guess i can tell you about my family there is a big brother he is an arrogant ass and i dont really like him , my mother is a kind person but i dont really like her since we are to different (she has too many emotions ) , my father doesnt really show emotions but i think he loves me . I am kinda psychotic, i know much about torture and i like to study human mostly their emotions and how cruel they are , its fascinating . But they are really confusing, dont get me wrong i do have emotions its just way less than normal . I have a lot of half-knowledge about science and i fucking hate when humans dont act according to logic its really stupid. What else , i am really intressted in the mating behaviour of humans , which is weird considering i dont really have urges . I am part of a discord community of a small streamer and i know some people from their but they arent close .I dont know why i write this guess im trying to understand what i'm thinking/feeling about my life . Thats it for today smeel you later or something like that