"Little promise" he would have said? That didn't matter anymore, he'd broken it the the moment his other girls stepped into the picture...
So he finally left, as those burningly harsh words left my vocal chords burning with betrayal. Almost hitting the back of his head as I slammed the door.
Quite frankly, shutting the door in his face felt good, and I enjoyed the two seconds it lasted.
And before I knew it he was knocking, asking me to open the door as though we had anything more to discuss. My phone beeped and I quickly reached into my pocket for it before
My thoughts were still rumbling with confusion, enough to elude me of aunt Anastasia and the fact that she was away from the weekend.
Her absence was supposed to bring me the much anticipated happiness, but as my back slid down against the door my emotions too scuffled with confusion. A string of flashbacks had left my heart and soul surrounded by shambles of emotions and mood swings. Seems like the more I thought about him, the deeper I fell into contemplation. Surely there was a way to forget about this Jordan even though I couldn't figure out how, until I remembered Aunt Anastasia was away for the weekend.
A slow, satisfied smile began playing across my lips, for Yathi-tha, Nathi-tha and Lathi-tha were throwing a party tiny, little party later that Friday. The perfect opportunity for me to clear up my mind. I then stood up and gathered some sense of hope, reminding myself that there were more things to life than Jordan Machill. Plus the midday's silver sunlight was all over the house. Cloudy weather reminding of the rain that was about to come, and bring peace and tranquil alongside the Friday blues which came disguised as a false sense of satisfaction.
It was long before a friendly breeze washed over me as I hurried from the kitchen, leaving a picture frame of Jordan and I facing my brown window sill. As much as I wanted to throw it out the window I just couldn't, so I left it there in the fate of the window wide open not so far from it. I then walked to my aunt's bedroom to borrow one of her family photo's so as to place it on the drawer next to my bed. Pressing it against my chest as I shuffled through the passage; my aunt's little gallery of pictures, patterned rugs and small artworks displayed upon her wall, made me delay my little journey a bit. I couldn't help but remember the last time i'd actually stopped to admire them, nor the love and warmth they filled the passage with. Guess I'd been so naive to think that my relationship had been built on pillars of trust, love and honesty, as well as a divine bucket of loyalty.
"Why can't I just accept that he's moved on and do so too?" I said to Mia and pecked my lower lip while glancing down at my screen.
"Because it takes more than determination and willingness to forget a boy," her response was firm and loud enough to make me adjust my volume, just before two last passengers filled the back seat of the taxi and inspired the driver to start the engines.
Bam! My my head gently banged against the taxi's window, making me lift my gaze to the backs of other passengers in front of me. Passenger who were also departing departing Mitchell's Plain for Gugulethu. Seems no one ahead of me had noticed but as I began rubbing the throbbing spot above my ears, two passengers on my left gave off a slight giggle. One was a middle-aged lady whose giggle quickly escaped through her wry smile, the other was a guy with curly ginger hair which I'd always cute and attractive.
One heavy feeling which I had long forgotten emerged within my chest and reminded me of how I had missed being around a diverse multitude of skin tones. Mitchell's plain was home to a diverse people and cultures anyway. It was a feeling that made me proud of being part of a rainbow nation and made me proud of, Tata Madiba, Nelson Mandela's heroic deed which united us as a country. Without further notice, I was thrown down the memory lane of how my aunt and I had always contributed to the collage of colored faces that could be seen reflected in the internal rearview mirror above the windshield . Memories which were last fresh, and borne, about 10 years ago when my aunt used to ride the taxi before she had her own car.
Nostalgic pangs of guilt shrouded my chest and made me chuckle bitterly upon the realization that I had taken such memories for granted; and also let Jordan come between my sister, mother, aunt and I. So I brushed my hand down my face and also wiped away my chuckles and dimples just in time for the grumpy lady next to me to hand me her palms, in anticipation of my taxi fare.
The taxi hit yet another road bump and triggered my impatient and irritated eye-roll as I peered out the window and noticed a slight change in the atmosphere. One which made me plant my phone back into my pocket and brush my cheek on the taxi window as raindrops which were hitting hard against it painted an abstract atmosphere of the landscape outside the taxi. I couldn't make out what was really happening outside, nor hear the usual car horns and screams which usually littered the busy streets of Mitchell's Plain if not the main road. Although the ride felt unusually long, the irritating whistles of boys playing soccer in the rain soon made me guess that we'd finally arrived in the township, or black neighbourhood of Gugulethu. Looking up to the windscreen, through the space between the driver and the front seat passenger, I could see several taxi's making way for ours. Until I was shocked to see a ball flying towards, just before hitting, the wind screen in a span of a heartbeat. It was then when a wave of shock pushed everyone's neck backwards while also leaving me with my heart up my throat.
"No man! That naughty boy... should get a beating... What the... Is he mad?" The passengers were clearly fuming, their pent up fury trembling in their voices. I too couldn't rid my mind of the feelings such a moment had awaken; especially at the thought that the ball could have been a brick. I just swallowed and let silence extinguish my fuming vocal chords. Boy did I wish I had been traveling at night, chilling at the same back seat my butt was comfortably rooted in.
My thoughts fell once more upon the stars and how they had always brought a wave of calm over me, more than Audrey, Mia, or Jordan ever could. And now I was feeling lost, feeling as though I were searching for my Carl all over again whilst also grappling with what Love truly meant. Now craving to get a touch of the rain drops, I so desired to wash away whichever feelings of Jordan I had left. Plus the taxi had left me feeling dreary and sleepy, and almost detached from reality. Stuck in thoughts as though I had floated far away from my body, or mentally sucked deep down the black hole which had suddenly formed in my mind. I had truly disappeared into my head, where thoughts and memories of Carl or Jordan and I still lived and breathed. Watching through my eyes and seeing my body acting on its own accord, as though on auto-pilot.
Beep! Beep! By the time I heard the taxi honk and looked outside again; the rain had stopped slapping the windows and the sky had turned dark grey as though the pregnant clouds were falling closer and closer to the taxi. That's when a restless, anxiously empty, emotional wave rode by butterflies crept into my chest. That sensation then rose and turned into a heavy tide, one which lifted my shunting heart up my throat before making my head spin, and leaving me with no semblance of control.
My conscience my have been entering into a reality that I could not explain. Yet our arrival in Gugulethu soon left a slightly excited smile crawling across my lips, as a soar of possibilities crawled down my heart. As soon as the door slid open I crouched behind other passenger towards the exit, and left the warmth inside, after informing Lathi-tha and Nathi-tha of my arrival of course. Stepping out, a gust of wind embroidered with some drizzles hit my face as soon as I placed my feet down the wet, grey shimmering concrete tar just before pushing the door shut and catching a glimpse of myself on the dark wet window, as my unrecognisable figure blocked sight of the driver who was glancing my way. Only a fleet of white taxi's filled the taxi rank and surrounded me as hurried to the spot where I was sure to find two thirds of the triplets.