I look around me, the urge to clean becoming very strong.
"Alright, uh goodnight."
I look up to see a very uncomfortable looking Ivan standing in the doorway with his hand on his neck. I begin to notice it is a nervous habit.
"Goodnight."
He walks out and closes the door, I hear him open a door close to mine and him baby talk his dog. I chuckle to myself and get up.
I can't sleep right now so I might as well clean. I start moving around the room picking up his clothes, I see a hamper in his closet and throw them in there. I get very concerned with all the LED lights around his room and look around for a remote, I see one on his bedside table and change the color to purple.
I pick up the paper plates and soda cans and throw them in his trash. After, I take his clean clothes on his bed and put them in his dresser in the closet and hang up his shirts.
I stand back and admire his now clean room before trudging over to the bed and laying down. I bring the covers over my shoulder and place my phone on his charger next to the bed.
I read a text from Aiden while I'm plugging it in.
Aiden- hey change of plans, I'll be home a bit later than planned.
I sigh, this is exactly what I knew would happen. I don't even know why I bother thinking he will be home when he tells me he is.
I text him back.
Katlyn- Mkay.
I place my phone down and turn over. I have no clothes, nothing from my house. And I'm staying with a boy that is no good.
How in the world am I going to manage not to cheat. He's gorgeous.. which is the problem. It takes everything in me not to give in.
What makes this boy so intoxicating?
I sigh, I'm never going to be able to sleep. If I'm alone, I'll most likely have another horrible dream. I groan and get up, I slide off the bed and walk towards his bathroom. I decided not to clean that because, gross.
I brace myself for the horrible smell I might encounter, but when I step in it smells clean.
"Hmm not what I was expecting." I mumble.
I glance at myself in the mirror and grimace. I look horrible, my mascara is running and I've pretty much lost all color in my face.
I pick up a towel on the toilet and run it under the sink, I wipe off all my makeup and use the dry side to dry my face. I rest my hands on the sink, then decided to check on my Bruises.
I raise my sweatshirt up and sigh, they were horrible looking, even worse than before. And my pain meds are in my backpack, which must have fallen off my shoulder when I saw the dog.
I stifle another groan and turn off the light in the bathroom, walking back out into his room. I walk around looking at the things hanging up on the wall. I roll my eyes at the giant Wooden Ford sign.
"Must be a fan of cars."
I smile slightly at the canvases hanging up, although, I wasn't entirely sure what they were. It just looked like he spray painted a bunch of colors on to a canvas. My attention is drawn to a knock at the door.
I turn and see Ivan slowly inching into the room, careful to keep the dog out. I look at him confused.
"Do you need something? I thought you would have been asleep by now."
He rubs his eyes and yawns, "Yeah I was, but I woke up at the sound of you walking back and forth in my room. I thought you said you were tired?"
I look away, "I was, but it's not a familiar space. I didn't know if I would be able to sleep. I cleaned instead."
I gesture around the room. Ivan takes a second to realize that his room really was clean now. His eyes trail around before meeting mine again. I feel the world stop for a second as I hold his gaze.
"I see that now, you didn't have to do that."
I shrug, "I'm not much of a cleaner, my room isn't great, but It's always been a habit to clean a room I'm sleeping in. Kinda helps me familiarize myself with it."
A strange expression crosses his face, but before I could register what it was it was gone. I walk up to the side of the bed and sit.
"Want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?"
My head snaps up, He wants to stay with me?
"I don't know of that's a good idea.."
He walks over to the opposite side of the bed and sits down, resting his head on the backboard.
"I promise I won't do anything, not unless you want me to."
He winks at me and I roll my eyes.
"Fine, but I'm serious, no funny business."
He smiles and blush creeps up the side of my face, I turn before he notices me turning a brighter shade of pink. I lay my head on the pillow and cover myself up with the blankets. The room gets a bit darker but still remains a dark purple. A slight smile crosses my face.
I eventually fade out, my mind wandering into a dreamless sleep, or so I thought.
------------------
I gasp for breath, the pain in my throat keeping me aware. I slide the blade across my wrists again and again. The blood drips into the carpet below me, his voice in my ear telling me to keep going.
A boy I once cherished, the boy I thought would care for me. Telling me to kill myself, because I will only continue to hurt people. His voice sounds like sandpaper in my head, his hands running up my arms. Tears burn through my eyes, the haze of my vision going in and out.
"You will only hurt everyone.. Why do you even bother.."
I feel my heartbeat in my wrists, the sting strangely making me feel better. I drag the blade across the bloody mess, not even sure if I'm making new lines or going over old ones.
"Keep going bitch, no one needs you."
I sob harder, the pain in my chest is almost more painful then my wounds. I begin to feel dizzy, the world spinning in front of me. I drop the blade and rest my hands on the ground, the boy picks it back up and tries to hand it to me.
"I didn't tell you to stop!"
I cry out as he starts dragging the blade against my arms, higher and higher each time. I feel my mind slipping and the world fade out of view.
The last thing I feel is him dragging the blade down the front of my arm to my wrist.
-------------------
I wake up screaming, the pain from my dream seeming so real that I grab my arms, bringing them to my chest. My sobs could be heard echoing throughout the room, I scream again almost feeling the blade against my skin again and again. Strong arms wrap around my body and pull me back.
"NO!" I scream out, I throw my arms out in front of me, keeping them as far away from whoever grabbed me.
My mind still racing, everything feeling like a dream, but still so real. I feel his hands on my arms, holding them to my chest.
"Katlyn! Calm down, it's Darius!"
I scream again, feeling more pain in my arms. My head throbbing, heart beating so fast I could hear it.
"Katlyn please, it's not real! Your awake, Katlyn your awake!"
I cry out, "My arms! Stop please.. It hurts!"
He lets go and turns me around, he brings me on top of him. My wrists in his hands, his face in my neck.
"Katlyn breathe! Breathe.. Princess you have to calm down."
I struggle in his hold, the pain in my wrists intense.
"Please it hurts!"
He leans back and lets go of my right arm, holding the left tightly. He moves my sleeve up and shows me.
"Katlyn it's not real, there's nothing there but old scars. What your feelings isn't real!"
My breath catches in my throat, I feel my head get dizzy. All the energy draining from my body.
"Not.. not real.."
He looks at me concerned, "No princess, it's not real."
Tears drip down my face, I stop fighting and relax into his arms. He pulls me against him, his warmth keeping me calm. My head rests on his chest, his heartbeat in my ear.
"Want to talk about it?"
I don't say anything, not only do I not want to talk about it, I don't want to even remember it. The nightmares haunt me, keeping the horrible memory imbedded in my head. He rubs his hands in circles on my back.
We stay like this until I finally regain control of myself, I pull back slightly so I'm face to face with him, He's still a bit taller then me even when sitting down. I look into his eyes and he leans in slowly.
My body freezes, not knowing what to do. My head is yelling at me to back away but the rest of my body is waiting in anticipation. I feel his hands move down my back to my waist, gripping it softly. His hot breath fans my face and I have to bite my cheek to keep from shivering. My mind reels at the thought of his lips on mine, but then my mind starts to wonder how it would feel to have his lips all over me.
This realization has me back up, I fall backwards and fall flat on the bed. Ivan looks down at me confused.
"What are you doing?"
I look up at him like hes crazy, "What am I doing? You were about to kiss me! I backed up."
He frowns, "So? You were considering it, I leaned in slightly to test it out and you didn't move."
Blush creeps up into my cheeks and I stutter, "M-my hormones are to blame for that! I did not want to kiss you!"
He smirks, "You just admitted that your body wanted me."
"Yea my body not my mind, I don't want to be with you."
He laughs, "Who said I wanted to be with you?"
I close my mouth, Those words hurt, no matter if he meant them or not. I've heard them more times then I wanted. I slid my legs over and sit on the edge of the bed. Ivan sits up, but doesn't say anything for a couple minutes.
"Take your sweatshirt off."
I snap up at him, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
He frowns and slides off the bed, standing in front of me. "Not for that Princess, calm down. I want to check your bruises."
I scowl at him, "And what makes you think I'm going to let you? I'm fine, I tripped a couple times on my run and got a few bumps."
He glares at me, "A few bumps?! Your back is covered in giant black bruises!"
I roll my eyes, "Just leave it alone Ivan, I told you I'm fine."
He throws his hands up in frustration, "Katlyn your not okay! I was in your room that day! That ring your wearing is mine, I dropped it when I was climbing out of your window. I know your parents beat you and those bruises are from them not you tripping while running."
I stare at him shocked, I suspected but he just outright told me he was there. He stands there with a serious expression on his face, as I sit there with my mouth hanging open.
"Now take the damn sweatshirt off and let me check your fucking bruises."
I do as he says and he helps me slip my sweatshirt off, I become fully aware of the large scars on my arms and I attempt to cover them by crossing them. My attempt was pointless because he grabs my arms hard and pull them into view.
"What the actual fuck Katlyn!? Your arms are covered, why did you do this to yourself?"
I freeze, I don't know how to answer the question. I didn't make all of them..
"Please just check my bruises and stop asking me personal questions. We aren't friends."
He clenches his jaw and drops my arms, "Fine, stand up."
I do what he says and he walks around me, moving my arms when he needs to look at my sides, poking spots gently to test if they hurt. One spot has me doubling over in pain, Ivan grabs my shoulders and gently lowers me back on the bed. He picks up my sweatshirt and helps me put it back on.
"Yeah, I'm taking you to the hospital."
I look up confused, "Wait hold on, I never agreed to that!"
He bends down and grabs my shoes that I don't remember taking off, he puts them on my feet, lacing them up and tying them. He holds his hand out for me to take, I just stare at it.
"Katlyn please just humor me, if nothing is wrong with you then I'll make you dinner one night."
I perk up at the mention of food, "Fine, but be prepared, I love pasta and might have you make me something complicated and delicious."
He rolls his eyes, Pasta isn't complicated to make."
I snicker, "My pasta recipe is, and It will blow your mind when you try it."
He groans, "Will you please just take my hand?"
I smirk and get up, walking over to the door by myself. He chuckles and I look back at him and frown.
"What?"
He smirks, "Glad to know you can walk, now how are you going to get past the dog at the door."
I go pale.
He smiles, "Come here."
I walk over to him and he bends down, scooping me up bridle style in his arms. I yelp and throw my arms around his neck.
"Ready?"
I sigh, "Don't let him eat me."
"Wouldn't dream of it princess."