We arrived in Georgia around 6 p.m. After an hour drive to my new home, all I wanted to do was sleep. Sink into the blackness absent of dreams, absent of the garden. I was looking forward to the spring and with winter almost over, I had something to look forward to for once. Thinking about the mother I lost sent me spiraling, so for the time being I found other things to focus on.
The sight of the new house made me yearn for my mother. We had always lived in apartments or trailers, and my mom would have loved this house. Settled on a large plot of land, surrounded by trees, was a large white farmhouse. You'd never notice the farmhouse wasn't brand new, not unless you focused on the faded white paint that covered the porch and steps. A house hidden away from the rest of the town, nestled in the woods.
"So, what do you think?" My aunt asked, the gravel crunching under our feet as we made our way to the house.
"Mom would've loved this house." I replied quietly, a small smile touching my lips. I couldn't shake the feeling that this place was familiar. The way the woods smelled, the old white farmhouse, the sound of the gravel under our feet.
Turning to my aunt, "This place seems familiar" I said.
"Well I sure hope it does. You were born here Marina, so was your mom." She replied with a small chuckle.
I stopped in my tracks for a moment, "Wait we were born here? Mom never told me." I said confused. My mom never kept secrets from me. The only thing she refused to tell me about was the box, but she never kept anything from me.
"The only good experience your mom had here, was having you." My aunt said softly, leading me up the stairs to the porch.
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After a quick dinner that consisted of greasy take out food, my aunt showed me to my new room. Typically when moving to a new place, my mom would spend time helping me decorate the room and unpack. This time I had no interest in making the room my own.
My aunt did all she could to prepare the room for me. She sent a few friends of hers to buy furniture and have the room ready for when I came. Aunt April works as a lawyer in Atlanta, so money isn't something shes had to worry about in years. My room was huge, set up with a oak vanity, queen size bed, and a walk in closet. The white lace curtains cascading down the huge window reminded me of the dress from my dream. The walls were bare of any color, but I didn't mind that. It would be some time until I felt the desire to make anything permanent in this house.
"I hope you like the room.. I wasn't sure what color you would like, so I had them get you a blue comforter and pillowcases." Aunt April said, awkwardly standing in the door way while I analyzed my new room.
"Yeah, blue.. I like blue." I replied, unsure what to say.
"Good, good. So through this door is your bathroom, and I had my friends shop for some clothes for you to get you started. And with that, i'll just leave you to settle in. Remember, you start school on Monday." April said, gesturing to an oak door next to the closet, then hastily making her retreat from my bedroom.
I couldn't blame April for treading carefully around me. She never had children and had no idea how to raise one, let alone getting saddled with an emotionally damaged teenager. I promised myself I would go easy on April and try to make the best of the cards I was dealt. The thought of attending a new school so soon sent knots into my stomach. It was only Saturday, having one day to prepare, to mourn, only made me feel worse. There's nothing I wanted more at that moment than to crawl into bed and spend the next week there.
"Alright..thanks April." I said, eyeing my bed greedily.
Once April left, I was thankful for the silence. The past month no one had wanted to leave me alone, constantly reminding me that they're here for me. When in reality, all I wanted was some time alone. I needed time to think for myself.
I made my way to the bathroom and splashed my face with some cold water. That was the most I had energy for at the moment, just enough to wash some of my weariness down the drain. Exhausted, and not ready for Monday, I made my way to bed. The plush bed with its soft blue pillows would be my favorite thing about this entire move.
I pulled the comforter back and inched my way in the bed, anxiously looking forward to a night free of gardens, beautiful boys, and danger.