POV Eliot:
My existence can only be sadness without hope; an anguished longing to renew the contact of a missing hand, and the timbre of a voice that died
I keep crying on the roof of my house remembering all those moments that I lived with her, each memory, it is as if it were torture the sound of her voice is being forgotten, I can no longer remember what it was like and that is destroying me inside.
I haven't found the recording of her singing for days on the CD that contained the sound of her voice. She's not in my room and I got into a nervous breakdown, because it's impossible for that CD to get lost. I take care of it with my own life ... but I think that Everything I care for ends up leaving or losing
I remember that she and I came up here when I felt sad, she sang happy songs to cheer me up or did something stupid to show her a smile, also, how she gave me the words of encouragement so that I would not get twice as sad.
I remember every moment, every cry, every song that we dedicated to each other ... so many moments together that they are just simple memories, it's ugly when I'm only remembering her face but not her voice, it's as if all memories had mute
—I want to die and go where you are so that I can end this dwarf suffering, please come back, I implore you–I look at the starry sky and start to shed my retained tears– you don't know how difficult it is to continue without you being there, every The step I take is as if I am burning alive, each memory is torture and each time it is difficult for me to move on knowing that you are not by my side, I should have died, I should have prevented you from dying.
—I feel such a great pain in my chest that sometimes I feel like it suffocates me every time I go to school sometimes I stay to wait for you but then I remember that you are not alive and my whole world is falling apart, my nightmares, my memories torture me 24/7 ... sometimes I don't think I can go on.
I take the photo of the two of us together and hug it as if I could feel it that way, as if I could feel the embrace of that person who saved me when I was giving up. I want to go ahead and stop torturing myself with everything that happened but ... How can I do that when my mind reminds me that it was my fault? When I myself and believed that it was because of me that he died, my mind always plays tricks on me and I am so stupid that sometimes I end up believing everything
—There is no one like you and me, because we were meant to be apart forever–I sing a piece of the song that I'm writing–You were my little world of happiness, thanks to you I discovered what it is to have hope, but fate took care of breaking us baby The smiles that we gave ourselves in our moments will not be in vain, because everything that I lived with you will be a burning flame that will continue to burn my skin forever. You were my sister in life and I thank God for seeing you well known, I thank you for seeing me given the happiness that everyone was in charge of destroying...
Wow now that I realize ... all my songs started to be sad I think I have not written a happy song in ... I don't know, since Zamira died? I think it was a little before all this shit, I write songs or attempts of it so I can unload all my sadness or anger on something, it's like therapy and it works.
<< That's why all the songs are very sad, I'm not saying they're bad but that they make you want to cut your veins >>
I roll my eyes and dry my face, I close my eyes so I can enjoy my moment of peace and pain.
POV Isaac:
My whole fucking life has been summed up to suffering but not to the suffering of "oh god my Crush doesn't pay attention to me", "oh god my parents don't listen to me" I myself experienced the pain in my own flesh, the scars and the trauma that that disgusting monster left me
I think that Matt was born thanks to that idiot although I must say that I am grateful to Matt that he killed that idiot, the cause of my fear when going out on the street the one who killed my mother and raped my sister in front of me, the one who abused from my
The memories sometimes come back to me as if they were a living reminder that I was only born to be a disgrace and not to be happy, it is as if in my life I only saw the colors black and gray, sometimes seeing only these colors can lead you to a sad reality.
"That's why I'm here, aren't you glad to have me brat?"
—Shut up once please
"you must understand one thing, once I am inside your mind you can never shut me up ... unless"
—unless? I swear I do whatever if it makes you shut up
"Did you know that death can often save you problems, right?"
—Enough !!–I throw everything that is on my desk–stop please, let me breathe a moment.
"If you live it is thanks to the fact that I was born, it is thanks to me that you are breathing damn ungrateful"
—If living is what I'm living ... then I don't want to live
"Oh boy, you are very weak for this world, in this world if you don't fight you won't survive and I think that you alone against the world ... you would be dead"
—Now you give me advice on how to live? I was happy before I met this damn hell ... I just want to go home
"There is no home right now, you don't have it, you won't have it ... so stop crying and stand up we have to get out"
—Just let me be myself at least tonight, damn it !!– I kick the notebooks that were lying on the floor–Let me be normal one night please I beg you ... shut up and let me pretend I didn't have you torturing me
I sit on the floor of my room and grabbed the photo of my mom along with my sister, now I understand when people say they want to be children again ... when you are a child you don't know what pain is, we were happy when we were children, nobody could hurt us psychologically.
When I was nine my only concern was that my mother would not let me go out to play with my friends, I played with my ball in the garden, but all the happiness that I remember left when I was 13 when I was raped and robbed in an alley. my things ... I remember calling the police and they took me to my father, that's where the real hell began.
When I got home everything happened very quickly I was on the floor being beaten by my own father for a moment I had been in shock because ... it never crossed my mind that my own father will hit me because they raped me, my The next day mother found out and argued with my father, that night he did not return, nor the next ... I thought he had abandoned us and I asked my mother for forgiveness on my knees.
My second hell was when I turned 15 years old, my father's blows were the least painful at that time, I remember that in my class people bothered me and not with slight things ... they published photos of "me" where I showed my private parts They beat me in the bathrooms until I was almost unconscious, they even cut me just because I tried to defend myself.
My mom wanted to take me to a psychologist and I accepted just because I thought I was going to get better, that all the suffering would go away from my body ... how stupid I was, things started to get worse and worse and I had to stop. When my father said that I was misbehaving, he locked me in the basement for about three days, without food and without water.
POV Eliot:
—You must stop coming up here, you don't know how dangerous it is–my aunt sits next to me and hands me a bee–what are you doing here alone and singing such a depressing song
—I have become depressing for a long time aunt– I keep looking at the sky– they are so blinded in their world that they cannot see the pain of others
—People do see people's pain Eliot, we just play blind and don't react until the problem is serious.
—That's why they are more vigilant and always taking care of me?–I look at him angrily– if I hadn't tried to commit suicide ... Would they have helped me with my depression?
—We have always helped you Eliot. When did we stop?
—When I turned 13, they let go of my hand, that's when I realized that all of you are shitty hypocrites
—Eliot we are your family we want you to be well
—Well, I'm not! If my mother takes me to the psychologist because she thinks that this way I will forget Zamira, she is wrong, her memories, her voice, all of her haunts me ... you didn't see her die–I stop and start to go down the stairs–Why the hell do they say that They understand me when they don't even know what it's like to be dying inside? Did you ever think I'm happy? Think about it
I go downstairs and into my house so I can find my wallet and go for a walk.
—Hey, young man, where are you going?
—You don't mind mom, I need to think
—You don't mind mom, I need to think
—You're not going anywhere, it's 8:00 p.m. and dinner isn't ready yet
—I don't give a shit about dinner, okay?I don't give a shit about all the fake happiness you give me, I'm tired and I want to go for a ride ALONE
—Eliot what's wrong? You're upset and you can't go out like this
—Look how I go out
I walk to the exit with my mother's screams behind me, which hurts that I don't have any flip-flops but I throw it at her to distract her, I open the door and take her middle finger.
I run because even if I am very pissed off or I am in a moment of crisis I am not so brave with my mother's flip-flops and blows
When I am at a safe distance I stop running and take my time to breathe well, this exercise is not my thing although sometimes I do it to be able to clear myself.
This happens when you don't have friends ... you don't have anyone to go out or go to your house talking about friends for two days I haven't seen Isaac go to his grandfather's office, the old man told me that he was not feeling well and that's why he didn't come, much better after that meeting I don't want to see him.
<< And because you know it can hit you all over your face >>
Of course not, I am very capable of defending myself I don't have to be afraid of him but I was so stupid that I asked him for his number, even though he got Zamira's folder I wouldn't let someone else get involved in this, not because he doesn't want to, but it is Because I don't want someone to get hurt if I find the murderer.
I've already gone through it once, I don't want to go through the pain twice, I arrive at a bar and was about to enter when my cell phone rings it is an unknown number, it may be my aunt or it may be Isaac, one of two I would not answer but in the end I do.
—Who is calling me?
—Hello prince, it's me Isaac
—Something told me that you were a dwarf, what do you want?
—You will never listen to me, right?
—And precisely in that I should listen to you — I lean against the wall and roll my eyes
—I tell you not to talk to me the way you do, but it's worth three whistles ... you do it
—Well sir, it seems to me that the prince is another
—Where are you?– She pouts–I need you to be here.
—You got the wrong number, stop me… I'm looking at you stupid — look inside the bar and see Isaac sitting at a table with a beer
—You got the wrong number, stop me… I'm looking at you stupid — look inside the bar and see Isaac sitting at a table with a beer
—Where are you? I'll go for you
—Calm down ape, don't get up so fast that you might fall
I cut the call and go to the one who is trying to get up but does so without success I laugh a little because it is very funny to see him in such a state ... as if he had lowered all his barriers
—What are you doing here alone?
POV Isaac:
I watch as the boy that Matt is obsessed with sits in front of me and looks at me as if it was all very funny, sometimes I wonder what made him end up at the psychologist, I don't see him as the boy who is suffering to come to the office from my stupid grandfather.
With the little that I have talked to him, I feel that he is conceited a stupid that surely has problems with his parents ... instead of taking advantage of them that he has them alive or something they make problems, stupid
—And what about you?
—Are you drunk yet? You have ... only two beers !!–He laughs and I would say he has the laugh of glass cleaner but quite the opposite– you are disgusting to drink.
—You came to make fun of me or what?
—I came because I was passing by and you called me
—Well it was a complete mistake so you can go.
Okay, it seems to me that the princess is another, let's go home
—I don't want to go to my house–I glare at him– if you want to go to your house with your perfect family, go, you shouldn't feel sorry for me.
—I don't feel sorry and I don't know what you're talking about– he gets up and picks me up by force– I'm not up for arguments, you go to my house, I don't want your grandfather or your parents to have a problem–he hit his hand when he tried Touching me–you're taking my damn patience, Isaac.
I call myself by my name !! My mom would do it when she got mad at me, she would come into my room and say to me in an ogre voice, "Isaac, can you tell me ..." And then she began to challenge me but then she felt bad and went to my room to have hot chocolate.
—you're crying?
I nod, pouting right now, I don't mind looking tough or rough or something, I just want to go back to being the kid I was when all the shit fell on me
—The alcohol makes me tearful–I wipe the tears and snot– What were you doing at the bar?
—I would go out to think, let's say I ran away from my house because of problems, you are not interested
—Ohh ya ... Can I sleep at your house?
—what? So fast do you want to do it? Not a coffee nothing
—How stupid –he laughs and roll his eyes–I'm talking about if I can stay the night at your house, I don't feel like going to mine
—and your parents? I don't want interpol to drop or something like that
—My parents are dead along with my sister, so no one is waiting for me
I keep going without caring if he follows me or not even though I don't know where we are going. Home? I don't know, but I want to sleep and not wake up
—You would kiss me?
—You are definitely drunk Isaac, let's go to my house
I grab her by her jacket and bring her closer to me, her cologne reaches my nostrils, I don't know what the fuck I want to do, but I'm liking this
"What's wrong? Stay away you idiot"
I ignore the asshole Matt and keep approaching slowly because if I do it quickly he will hit me slow and sure boy.
"This can not be happening"
POV Eliot:
I feel like he falls to his knees in front of me I want to laugh out loud but it would not be the right thing to do, I'm trying to understand what just happened ... I try to kiss myself Does alcohol do that? Luckily I stole money to pay for the taxi but left it lying there.
<< You are a bastard, do you know? >>
I was not going to carry the ... I don't know 10 maximum blocks are from the bar to my house
<< I am not talking about that, but about the kiss >>
Shitty gossip, clearly I wasn't going to accept that kiss ... I'm not attracted to it
<< Yes, of course >>
I roll my eyes and hope that no one is awake so I can go up to my room with Isaac, when he told me about his parents, I didn't know what to say to him, although I understand the pain of loss ... I will never understand how it feels to lose a father.
When we enter my house everything is dark, I pray that nobody wakes up and sees me with a sleeping gorilla
—You are the worst love I have ever known, so perfect that I don't forget you !!
—Shut up, you idiot– he covered his mouth with one hand– do you want them to discover us?
He giggles and I try to take him silently to the room but the damn bastard hits the wall or can't put a foot on the ladder, it was supposed to be my night to think at least fate doesn't get tired, when we managed to get on my fourth I take off his shirt and he starts laughing.
—If you want to have sex with me, you should know that neither I nor Matt are easy
—Who is Matt? And no, I don't want to have sex with you.
—Matt is an idiot and an idiot who is always in my damn head–he hits his head twice and laughs– I think he's dizzy
—Go .... you are weird
I throw him on the bed and watch him curl up falling asleep after a few seconds, let out a sigh and put on my pajamas. Today was an exhausting night. What did you mean that "Matt" is on your mind? And because he said it in a voice so broken it made my skin crawl.
Whatever it is, something has haunting that fool
author's note:
LOVE THE CHAPTER! JAJAJA , I was literally crying in some parts and laughing in others.
What about Eliot and Isaac now? Will Eliot speak to Isaac's second personality?
I AM AGUSTINA AND THIS IS DISNEY CHANNEL 💖