POV Eliot:
<< Depression >> that word is repeated all day in my head or that is how my whole family catalogs me, since the accident happened and I had my mother on top of me ... wondering how I was or if I wanted to talk. At first I didn't understand why everyone was drowning in questions until I found out
They did not want me to kill myself or do something that would threaten my life, everyone saw me as if I were a piece of glass, they believed that I would have a fit of madness and end up ending my life. What would be immense pain for them could be the end of all pain.
<< But you are very cowardly to death >>
And he was absolutely right, he was afraid of dying and that everything that I lived will be forgotten But that thought changed when 1 year after his death was completed, I locked myself in my room, went to my own bathroom and grabbed 6 or 5 pills? I do not remember very well.
I only know that I woke up in a hospital bed, the doctors told me that if it weren't thanks to my dad I would be in a coffin
<< That was the fucking old purpose >>
–we are going to take you to the psychologist
Those were my mother's words when we are on the way home, I just look at her and she looks at me in the rearview mirror waiting for some reaction from me but there is no use trying to oppose me, she is going to give me one of her cheap talks about why I have to go to the psychologist
–If that makes you happy - I look at her with a fake smile - or maybe it's so you're not so busy dealing with a suicidal child
-Eliot !! - I turn to see my father and he has a grimace of annoyance on his face
-it's the truth, don't try to hide the obvious
After that scene no one spoke about what was left of the way home, I never told my parents about the accident because I don't like to remember that day ... that day I lost my best friend my confidante
I saw how she died, I heard her last breath, then I saw everything black and woke up in a hospital bed but I already knew that I had lost her.
She was my refuge, my soul mate ... be careful not to think that we were boyfriends or that I liked her, I just saw her and I see her as my little sister I never liked me in the sense of a couple.
-Eliot wake up-I see my dad and I notice that we already arrived at the house
–I fell asleep?
–yes little one, go low
I get out of the car and head to my room so I can find some peace in my lair so I don't have to put up with my mom's lectures
–where are you going sir?
My mother's voice makes me stop just a few steps from my beloved destination, I know that she wants to take care of me but the problem is that I don't want to get up ... not yet
–to fuck me to the wall - I see the horror on my mother's face and she gives me a little grace
–you are going to respect me brat -I roll my eyes- you are going to leave me the door of your room open at all times
This cannot be happening, it took me a lot to convince my mother to be with the door open for at least 10 seconds and then lock myself in my room. Cry in peace or write in my journal while listening to Green day
I resume my way to my room and what my mother told me is worth it, I close the door of my room and connect my cell phone to the headphones, I look for that voice that for a long time gave me the peace I needed with its singing.
you say that I am impossible to decipher
quiet reserved and temperamental
you would love me to express myself a little more
and talk about feelings lost in truth, but I'll try
I love so much, so much I feel dumb, silly that it hurts so much when you are not here
I love so much and for you to imagine how much count all the stars and add one more
I let the tears flow freely, my mind travels to that day that she began to sing to lift my spirits, "you must leave that bitter face that you carry". She would take me out to dance and she would always sing that song to me because it was my favorite
<< Sorry for not taking care of you my girl >>
I changed a lot when my friend died Because I am not the happy boy ... the one who is strong and sure of everything no, I am the boy who is sad who is broken and does not want to continue
I lie down and close my eyes for a moment I don't want to sleep because if I wake up the next day I know what that will mean ... and I don't want to remember that day
-you got me, my beautiful girl- I cry holding a picture of the two of us on the beach
The next day
-You know you look like an idiot crying, right?
- oh shut up, asshole
We laugh and look at the sea ahead of us we are both sitting on the rock bridge that was in a small park near my house
-so psychologist huh
-My parents force me to go-I smile sad-they worry that I can't get over your death
-But you will not now but if later the pain will stop being very strong and time will numb that wound
-Sorry for not stopping the car in time zamira
-Stop blaming yourself for that, okay? It wasn't your fault, no one knew that was going to happen
-I miss you brat
I see how he smiles sweetly and gets up at the same time as he walks towards the water
She looks at me with several tears of blood coming out of her beautiful green eyes
-it's time to wake up Eliot
Wake up ... I don't want to, I don't want to go back to reality where I will have to live without her
-please take me with you
–I would love to take you with me little one, but you have many things to live and learn
She shakes her head and I get up to go after her I feel someone shout my name in the distance but I don't care, what I want is to reach my friend, my sister
-eliot wakes up for the fourth time-I feel that they hit me in the face and I see that it is my mother
-Mom what's wrong?
-wake up you'll be late with the psychologist
-woow wait you never told me what it was today
-well now you know-he looks at me mocking-get dressed and go down to breakfast even if it's an apple
I watch her go and throw my pillow with the intention of hitting her but she missed my goal
<< I don't want to go to that psychologist shit>>
I'm not my friend either, but I don't want to put up with my mother so I'd rather suffer with a stranger than with my mother
I wake up with little desire to start my day and also to live, I will not take a bath since I bathed yesterday I do not want to do it again. I go to my closet and choose gray pants with a white shirt
Zamira always told me that my style of clothing was disgusting but I did not care because I feel comfortable with her and whoever likes me well and who does not pose, should not look at me.
I do my business once he finished doing them I go to the dining room where I see my father having a hot chocolate with a crescent, my father and mother have been married for 13 years and throughout the course they have been married, they have acted like children of 13 years. Less when it comes to something important or extremely delicate (in this case I am both) they get very serious and strict but outside of that ... they always show their joy to the world even if theirs falls apart
-good morning son
-good morning dad-I give him a kiss on the cheek and approach my mom-hi mom
-Well, the vampire finally came out of his cave
-isabela-my dad tries to hold back the laugh
-That's what my love called me-they both look at each other smiling and kiss
How disgusting, if you are going to kiss please do it away from me
-your quiet and eat the breakfast that I leave you on the table-look at her watch-you must leave in a few minutes
-Yes captain
We have breakfast in silence rather I have breakfast in silence they lock themselves in their world talking about I don't know what shit, my mother is not tall rather she is short with dark hair like the night, light brown eyes in character sometimes she is soft but when getting angry is like seeing the devil in miniature
A little overprotective too, my dad says that when he met her she looked like an iceberg but little by little he was able to melt my mom's cold heart
-well I'm going, lest I'm late for the "date"
-I will accompany you, so I make sure that you are going to really go-my mother gets up from her place and goes upstairs
Veo a mi papá en busca de ayuda pero este opta por encogerse de hombros y seguir en lo sueño, maldito traidor ya va a venir a buscarme por algo y le daré la espalda. Mi mamá baja me hace una seña para que la siga me despido de mi papá , y sigo a la señora que se hace llamar madre.
-tuviste algún amor adolescente mamá?
-que?-desvía un segundo la mirada para fijarse en mi-bueno tuve uno a mis ¿15? ¿16? No recuerdo bien
I see my dad for help but he chooses to shrug his shoulders and continue in the dream, damn traitor is already going to come looking for me for something and I will turn my back on him. My mom comes down and makes a sign for me to follow her, I say goodbye to my dad, and I follow the lady who calls herself mother.
-Did you have any teenage love mom?
–What? -He looked away for a second to look at me-well I had one at 15? 16? I do not remember well
–memory of old woman that you load
-Hey more respect with your mother, her name was Gabriel, we had a somewhat crazy story but the world did not want us together
-died?
She laughs and parks in front of a two-story house that is average because it is not very big or very small, and it is a soft pastel color. I stare at that house for a few minutes I look at my mother whose eyes are bright I know that at any moment she is going to cry
Why did you bring me to a private psychologist?
-well some fights you must win them with luxury right? -smile-I have my hope that you will get out of that sadness Eliot
-It's my battle mom I'm supposed to face it alone
-in battles you need a little help and you, my boy, can't handle this
<< Sometimes we cannot win with our fears even if they are the smallest >>
-I see what is waiting for you
I gave her a kiss and she directed me to my "psychologist's" office. I never liked coming here because I felt that I had no reason to come. The only one who listened to me was Zamira, she advised me and really listened to me before I went to a psychologist meant that he only listens to you because they hit him and not because they want to help.
I knock on the door and it only takes two seconds for a boy to open the door for me to study me from top to bottom, and who is this puberty? Why are you looking at me like I'm weird?
-Hello, I've come to see Dr. Ramírez
-and who are you?
Great, I'm not into games, I don't know if I should tell you that I'm a patient or a unicorn dressed as a human ... I think the first one is better, I'm afraid that he might believe it.
-I'm a patient of You ... of whatever
-From my grandfather? -I nod-come on in I'll ask him if he lets you pass
Not that I was a Hollywood star or that I was going to kill him, I wait sitting in a chair that is next to the door and I look at my surroundings ... well if there is something I must admit is that it has good taste, the walls are of a very light green it has some photos where two boys appear and the brat who opened the door for me
-Are you going to keep gossiping or are you going to pass?
-isaac what did I tell you to talk to people like that
The boy named Isaac rolls his eyes and disappears through a door, what a genius if he were a woman and that stupid is my partner, he threw me off the 4th floor
-Excuse my grandson, he has a character ... something special
-He means he has a shitty character-I close the door and go to his desk
-I would say no but you're right-points to the chair next to me-take a seat ...
-Eliot, my name is Eliot
I sit in the chair and wait for the doctor in front of me to finish writing something in that notebook or book it is definitely a bad idea to come here, I don't feel comfortable I want to go home lock myself up and try to overcome this on my own
The man looks up and stares at me for a few minutes that seem eternal to me then he takes out a packet of tissues and hands them to me
–to dry your tears
-I'm not crying sir
-say that to the tears that fall down your face
He touched my cheeks and it is true I have them wet I look down my pants have some drops of them, he grabbed a paper and I wipe my face
<< I want to go home >>
-well let's start- I shake my head- is something wrong?
-I don't want to be here, I want to go home and stay there forever
-How long have you not left your house Eliot?
-one year I think
-well, you have to stay calm, nobody is going to hurt you
-you don't understand-I look at you-it's not because I feel like they're going to kill me or something like that but because I don't have my best friend here by my side
-This is our first session so let's go slowly, okay?
-How to go slowly?
-Of course, we will only talk about what you want and what you feel comfortable with
I tell him the basics about my mom and dad how my life was before what happened, he doesn't make any comment, he just looks at me carefully and nods on some occasions, I tell him how I feel about taking care of my mom and my dad. But at no time did he mention zamira, I think I'm not ready to talk about that topic
- .. and that was my life before everything happened
-Very good Eliot if you want you can retire
-seriously?
-Of course, I still need you to come tomorrow at the same time
-Why do I wonder about those things? I say they don't matter
-I can't force you to get all your pain out of an Eliot, I know that the first time you are not going to tell me something as delicate as your friend's accident was-I swallow and look down-that's why we will take the sessions of little one step at a time
-thanks doctor seriously
Just remember that if you really want to get ahead, you have to start wondering if it is really good for you to continue in pain
VERY GOOD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, how are you? They missed me?
I hope you will like this novel and that you will accompany me on this path full of wounds that we will heal together
I LOVE YOU I AM AGUSTINA AND THIS IS DISNEY CHANNEL ♥ ️