Alex entered the class, not fully recovered from the conversation he just had. Seeing him, a smile grew on Jessi's face and her dull eyes brightened. He came towards her and took a seat next to her. Jessi spoke excitedly, "Oh! You're here. Finally, Claire let me sit."
"Where is she? By the way." his question made Jessi taken aback. She thought about why exactly he was concerned about Claire. She looked around, still startled.
"I...don't know. She's nowhere."
Both of them shrugged it off and got ready for their lesson. The teacher entered the classroom and started teaching.
While all the students were studying, Alex couldn't stop staring at Jessi. He couldn't concentrate on anything else but her. Alex didn't know this feeling. Maybe he was just overwhelmed by their friendship or maybe, he had started liking her non-platonically. He didn't know, but he liked the feeling.
Jessi caught him staring at her and so, she looked into his eyes. asked was embarrassed and looked away. That made her smile widely and giggle quietly.
Her smile, made Alex go crazy. He couldn't help but grin at the adorable girl he sat next to.
"You wanna hangout later at the new cafe nearby? I heard it's really nice there." Jessi asked. She started liking Alex from the moment she saw him. So she wanted to spend most of her time with him.
"Yeah sure. Let's go there directly after school's over."
For the rest of the time during the lesson, Alex and Jessi continued stealing glanced at each other. The bell rang and they walked out of the class, happily conversing about different, random topics. They parted ways to go talk to their friends. Everything was so good. Normal and peaceful.
Maybe because there was no one to ruin it all. From the day Alex stepped foot into the school, he considered Claire to be the bad guy. But the conversation hehe had with her, left him confused. For once, he thought that maybe she wasn't the bad person. Then he remembered the things Jessi said about her. And in a second, all the hatred rushed in again.
School was over for the day. Alex approached Jessi, "Hey! Let's go."
"Yeah. The cafe's that way." Jessi pointed towards a street where many shops and stalls stood undisturbed and surrounded by students who had just left the school and were heading back home.
The two friends started walking towards the cafe that Jessi spoke about.
They ordered their drinks and waited for them to be ready. The cafe was small. The was nothing slick about it. There weren't any tables with fancy decorations. Instead, there were black, rustic tables and chairs. Newspaper prints framed on the walls and light jazz music playing in the background. The whole vibe was very comforting. Soon, Jessi's order arrived, followed by Alex's. They paid for their drinks and left for the playground near the cafe.
"Umm... Alex?" she asked breaking the silence as the two of them walked slowly towards their destination. Alex looked at her and she continued, "Where did you go during the lunch break? You didn't even look at me then."
He remembered what had happened and started quiet for a few seconds. "I had applied for the student council elections... But I changed my mind so I went to inform the teachers."
Alex made it up once it crossed his mind. He knew how Jessi and Claire didn't get along well and something in him didn't want to hurt her. Even though she didn't get to decide whom he talked to, Alex felt the need to not hurt Jessi. And so, he lied.
•••••
Even though school had ended, Claire stayed back. There was something she felt that stressed her a lot. She felt worthless. She thought she was good for nothing. And with these feelings, she knew that she couldn't face them. Claire couldn't face her parents.
On the rooftop, she stood still. Alone. No one would have been able to stop her from doing what she wanted. But she had lost that one chance she had earlier.
She breathed in deeply and exhaled, trying to stop her tears from leaving her eyes. Her chest ached and her throat, it suffocated her. The lump that had formed in her throat suffocated her. Claire drowned in self hatred.
[CLAIRE'S P.O.V.]
It was all ready. By this time, everything would have come to an end. But, he had to ruin it. He just had to see my tears.
It's not his fault. It's my fault. I couldn't control my emotions. I left the pills there. It's always my fault. Always. I'm not sad. I'm dying. I can't take it anymore. It's too much now. I have spent four years. Four years! Dying from within and yet, I haven't succeeded once! Not a single time.
I hate my life! I hate myself. I'm worthless. Why did I have to exist in the first place? I just wanna die.
[END OF P.O.V.]
The little fragment that kept Claire holding onto her life had been destroyed. She had given up. But the unexpected turn of events had ruined her plan. And she blamed herself for it. Ask her life, she had been blamed and forced. The amount of pressure put on her was extreme. Yet, she made it out. It was universe's way of telling her that she should keep holding on. But once again, Claire made her mind to end everything.
She knew that she couldn't try anything else. At least not then. So, she walked around, letting the breeze hit her face. Claire needed to ease herself. And the best way to do it was to do the one thing she wished she could do without anyone discouraging her.
As no one was around her, she had nothing to hide. Neither her tears, nor her true self. Claire took a deep breath and started singing whole heartedly. There was one thing about her voice and her songs. They reflected her feelings and it was so clear that anyone could know everything about her just through her songs. The pain in her voice added so much to the songs. The beauty of her voice was buried and hidden from the world because of her parents and Claire wished she could break free and show the world what she held inside.
🎵
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take him home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I'm tryna find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could help me?
It's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood, oh, oh
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
🎵
Claire thought she was all alone.
But she was wrong.
________________