And with a flick, the light was on. Her hand fumbled in the darkness of the bathroom as the lights had gone out on her, but she simply disregarded it as a brief outage. Her hand felt the rigid edge of the light switch, but also a sensation of relief flooded her. Emotions equally potent yet fighting like in a revolution stood her anger and sadness. On one hand, she was angry at the world for placing her in this empty hospital room and proclaiming her as things she didn't agree with. On the other, however, she was sad. Her friends she had made and was focused on protecting, the thought of failure loomed over her. The sheer image of her being weak around them and labeled as some crazy nutcase made her feel bitter. Her eyes were wide as she caught her reflection in the mirror, her face being consumed by fear at what she saw. Her skin was peeling from every edge, and she put her hands up to her face to try to remedy it. As she lowered her face to splash some water on her face she stared back into the mirror. She saw a dark figure hiding in the doorway for a split second before shaking her fear away. "I-I'm just crazy I... I-I must be huh..." Her mind went back to what she had just seen, and she turned around to confirm there wasn't anything there. To her relief, she sighed and there wasn't. She closed her eyes before opening them again and walking back to her bed to sit down. She screamed into the palms of her hands, the screaming turning into sobs. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Simultaneously, my heart raced. The blood flowed intensely, coursing through my veins. And in my head, a subtle ringing contradicting the rapidness of my heartbeat. Kicking the leaves under my feet and looking up at the sky, trying to find space above where the clouds didn't shelter me so. Instead, the light would capture my body like a beautiful photo taken on a polaroid camera. And in the warm presence of the light, I'd shove my hands deep in my pockets and close my eyes with a deep exhale. And as you dig my coffin with your hands, closing your eyes and planning for my death, I find myself overthinking in the dark. Sick of who I was, wanting to wake up and be someone else at times. But those around me assure me that I'm loved and that I'm worth it. But how do I believe those words when all they've represented to me has been a similar trait of hollowness? And as I'm digging my own self grave, bleeding out the colors of what remains, will they truly see me for who I am? And in the heavy rain that pours down from the sky now, it reminds me that I, like all else am not a God. I am human, and I carry those emotions even if I never choose to face the muse in my head. The one construing my thoughts into a twisted vineyard encasing my mind. As the vines creep over my body and hold me like a prisoner to my own self demise and as the sky turns into nothing but one simple grey cloud hovering above me. And this is one of my burdens. Looming down over me, and as much as I choose to ignore it and not let it consume me, it does for it'll never dissipate from my reality. And in that intoxicating breath I take in of the air, I take in the thoughts the opinions of those I cherished. And in those values, I realize potentially I may have overlooked key traits about them. Had I seen the following traits sooner, they would have made me more susceptible to scoping out the danger in their eyes. Letting the wind blow heavily against my skin and leaving goosebumps trailing up and down my fair-skinned arms, I take in that wonderful chill in the air with stride. There is no saving me from my impending nightmares. Consequently, the chill in the air followed me and I realized I was no saint no statue of beauty, for I was just one with the nature around me. A mortal being, sinking into the layers of the Earth below. In the suffocating light of their eyes, I am losing myself progressively. In the fear that spreads over me and makes me choke on my internal thoughts, I take my mind and shove my insecurities to the back of my head. Had the thoughts not brought me down and suffocated me so, I could have some grasp at a potential paradox of reality. Within my grasp... maybe. But I turn to the path ahead and I put my insecurities aside. Smoothing my hair back and straightening the collar of my shirt, coughing on the deceit that got caught in my throat. It was like wanting to be able to speak, but the words on the edge of my tongue. Rather than make a fool out of myself, I'd keep quiet and tread along lightly as the cobblestone path set below my feet. On this journey, I am but a pawn to the world's obstacles, but even in the dark, I pray there is hope. I'm optimistic, I tell people around me. And, because it's true. To survive in this world, I had to become the enemy to those around me. In the mirror, I don't see myself in what people believe. On the contrary, I see myself as motivated and driven to pursue the things I want to while I have the opportunity. And if I lose those around me, I consider the dead weight to be gone. If I travel this cold lonely Earth with only my own existence to comfort myself throughout the way, so be it. And in the worst moments, I can shove away my paranoia. As I continue to make my way down the path, tugging my hoodie over my head and shoving my hands into my pockets I can endure everything alone. I'm strong, they said. So, I will continue to be and never let them down. My mind and my body pulsing, with a drive telling me to attend the nearby hospital.