Beep

Beep

Beep

Slamming my hand down on the alarm clock grumbling half asleep, my hair covering half of my face.

Today seems to be like any other, the Welsh air consumed with the smell of rain and grey clouds swirled across the sky as I peep out the window from my bed, wishing I had those extra five precious moments in bed exhausted.

Feeling like I've done this a thousand times before, hauling myself out of the bed walking to body length mirror stripping down and putting on my underwear and bra.

These marks seemed to stretch and swirl across my body. Marks imprinted onto my skin that I could never get rid of but hide for a while. The overwhelming urge to slather myself in foundation was strong. To seem perfect like models you see on a magazine.

The mirror seemed to reflect what I think is my marred, blackened and bruised body. My body breathing heavily, my hands tracing the marks. Looking into the mirror my ashen hair became waves flowing down my back. My body although shaped like an hourglass but felt frumpy and gangly. My tummy poking out slightly not quite loosing all of my pregnancy weight.

My olive complexion seemed to be dull and covered with bruises, marks and scars. My face, the only thing that seemed to stand out were my once bright green eyes So full of life now a dull green. My eyebrows that seemed to be shapely but wild as well. An average nose and a thick bottom lip with a rose bud small lip on top that seemed to be mismatched. My hand following the scars and marks that seemed to patterned and littered across my body. My mind far away into my dark memories of him.

MAMA !!!!

Jumping and turning around watching a blob and mess of short brown curls and a huge mess of brown and white fur dive towards my bed. A huge grin forming the on my face, the light of my life, letting out a giggle.

Tussling into the mist of duvets and blankets. My sweet boy's face popping out, a blanket around his head.

'Mama it's time to get ready !!!! Mrs Perkins will be here soon to pick up her cake.

I want to see her face when she see's her cake'.

Chuckling to myself at how excited he was.

'Okay sweetheart' pulling out a bright blue knitted dress with long sleeves and a pair of black leggings and long knitted socks. The closeness of the apartment and the pattern of rain on the roof reminding me to turn up the heating at some point.

Tugging them over my bruised body. The rain pelting against the roof. My boy and his companion seeming to enjoy getting tangled in my duvet giggling and panting.  His companion that is being a Saint Bernard with that dopey look that makes you smile instantly.

We always seemed to have a love/ hate relationship mainly hate when we were on a walk and he liked to tug on his lead reminding me of a time he chased a bird with me still holding on launching me into the pond full of ducks and swans. Grinning remembering how wet I was with a crowd forming to see where I fell.

Smiling picking him up only for him to wriggle giggling

'mama put me down, me and rover want to race to the living room' launching himself into a racing position and off.

Chuckling as he races into the next room running all the faster when he hears the post, rover beating him picking up the post in his mouth passing it to me, smiling ruffling his ears, seeing a envelope marked urgent and official of her majesty's court my heart beating fast against my ribs.

My mouth suddenly dry and my hands sweaty.

Issac in his superhero pjs and rover laying together on the sofa like a part of a puzzle. The only person missing was me.

Opening it with a worried expression breathing out heavily the words; trial swirling around in my brain. The trial I've waited for so long for is tomorrow. His trial. Him.

My breaths coming out short and irregular. Reminding myself of where i am and Issac in front of me. Breathing  weakly looking around our small apartment looking at the blue flower wallpaper over one wall and a off white colour smothered over the rest as of to cover the memories the apartment has seen.

Our black kitchen worktops glistening like diamonds in the sun. The cupboards white like my knuckles. So clinical and calculated. giving me a shudder.

Counting all the appliances in there trying to occupy my mind for a little while. Looking around trying to regulate my breathing for what seemed like hours wishing away the memories of being beated repeatedly by my ex boyfriend and my sons father but was only five minutes.

Knock knock knock

'Mama mrs Perkins is here' racing to the door with rover behind him. My knuckles white and clenching the chair in front of me. My breathing regulating. Smoothing out my dress. Smiling at the thought of Mrs Perkins who was more of an adoptive grandmother that seemed look so similar to Vanessa Redgrave but Russian and a lot louder, her husband having died some years earlier who was a lovely welsh man but no children or grandchildren to look after.

'ROSA !!! My sweet girl, you're looking as radiant and pale as ever.'. Chuckling knowing my face having drained of colour. 'Mrs Perkins, you look as Spirited as ever' 

'ahhh yes child I know' her delicate hands grabbing mine pulling me to sit at the dining table, smiling at her as she looks through her handbag passing a bag filled with an assortment of sweets to Issac and rover eyeing them carefully gaining a grin from Issac who grasped them all the tighter.

Her blonde and grey hair woven together in ringlets cascading down her shoulders and back, her rosy cheeks and rosebud lips bright with mischief and grinning.

'Now my dear Rosa, what has got you looking like a ghost ?' Smiling at her thick Russian accent accentuating when her tongue curls around certain words.

Then swallowing and my tears gathering at my eyes. 'Some tea, yes ?'

Smiling when she moves to the kettle without me saying anything,  boiling the kettle. Sorting my boy too putting on sing the film hearing as he sings and hums along stroking rover, his other hand clutched around his bag of sweets.

'Now child, come, tell your aunt Tiana all about it'. Smiling sipping at my tea in the delicate china floral cup I had.

'I had a letter this morning. They've organised his trial which is tomorrow. They've said  he'll get a guilty verdict. It's the thought though that he could get out that he could find us'

'Rosa listen to me, you are so strong, the strongest person I know, the way you look after that little boy, you own your bakery business. You've been through so much. He will get a guilty verdict because they have evidence and the pictures of the marks he left when he hit you, abused in every way. When this is over you focus on you and your boy.'

Smiling at her calming down sipping at my tea.

'Speaking of that, I've actually been think of maybe moving, somewhere where we can start fresh from here'.

'Ahhh yes what a wonderful idea, we will look together, yaaa ? Where would I be without my beautiful Rosa and Issac'.

Smiling at her deeply, getting up realising I hadn't yet shown her birthday cake, knowing how much lshe adored our old blue campervan Bettie that I earned after university and before I was with him making it solely mine. Thinking of the times I went over and drove around in it in Europe before and the freedom it brought me.

Camping under the stars and little picnics and sleeping in it in so many places bringing back happy and painless memories for once. Learning baking skills and techniques wherever I could. How carefree I used to be. My sun kissed skin and fuller body and lighter hair. Laughing all the time.

Bringing the cake over smiling when she gasps as I put it down. I think it was some of my best work, taking a picture of it so I could put it up on the bakeries website later.

'Ahhh my sweet Rosa, it looks much like Bettie, you have even customised the plates'.

Looking over her happy and surprised expression as she looks at it thoughtfully and prodding it slightly.

'Beautiful Rosa, beautiful, come have slice with me and with your tea'. Laughing when Issac races over with prospect of cake and rover lifting his head up then plopping back down chuckling thinking I'd don't blame you rover.

Tiana getting out floral tea plates for us all cutting out her birthday cake. Me and Issac both shouting out 'happy birthday'

Throughout our little tea party talking and laughing, trying to keep my mind off the trial. At some point breakfast rolled into lunch and the paper came so with sandwiches made, me and Tiana launched into looking at our new start.

Issac at some point getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a woolly jumper with his marvel slippers on then laying back down right on top of rover yawning.

After some time relying back onto the computer and internet to find the right place not really what we were looking for until we saw it.

That is until we came across a cottage with climbing roses in various colours on it and the same for sale opposite. Dusted grey stone that looked beautiful. The one I thought would be perfect for me, Issac and rover had a little paddock for rover to run in and enough room for Bettie on a driveway instead of the clogged on street parking we have now. A barn outside next to the paddock. The kitchen big enough for all my baking equipment and more if I wanted to go out into the barn too thinking of creating baking lessons as well.

'I think we have found it, although rosa, it is nowhere near here, it's in Scotland in a little village called fortrose'.

Grinning at her saying 'perfect' calling Issac over.

'Honey, what do you think of this being our new home ?' Stroking and running my finger through his tousled brown curls smiling at him as Tiana showed him through the pictures.

'Yes mama, I think it is perfect, and I can make new and better friends there too, smiling at my boy knowing he has a hard time at school as he seemed to wild and carefree for most the snobby boys and girls at the school he's now.

'Right I shall ring the agent and see when we can see this and offer the price'.

'Yes, perfect'

Tiana getting up ringing the number, pulling Issac into my lap rubbing his side while he flicks through the pictures, a bright smile on his face.

Turning looking at Tiana biting my lip grinning when she smiles putting up her thumbs.

'Ahh ya thank you, yes bye'. Giggling when she squeals tickling Issac.

'They said I can go up and see it tomorrow and they have already done the necessary searches and will have it already for us'

Smiling up at Tiana squeezing her hands 'thank you so much, you've been there for us at every turn and I don't know what we would of done without you' feeling her run her hands through my thick hair giggling when she starts braiding my hair kissing my forehead.

'Okay my love, make sure you get enough rest for tomorrow and I shall ring you after I see the properties and take some pictures, goodnight my loves !!!'

Giggling kissing Issac on the forehead holding him close rubbing his back. Sighing happily loving these little moments of us happy and together running my fingers through his hair calming both of us.

'Baby what would you like to eat for tea ? 'Humming softly

'Can we have Shepard's pie Mama? '

'Of course baby' smiling stroking his cheek

'Go play a game baby, mummy's just going to make dinner' kissing all over his face making him giggle.

Sighing softly while I cook listening to Issac play with rover smiling feeling happier.

'baby 10 minutes'

'Okay mama'

Setting out the table smiling into the living room watch Issac play. Having our dinner our routine together was harmonious and synced completely like an well oiled machine.

'Baby, what book shall we read tonight ?' Smiling as I clean up turning seeing Issac half asleep curled into rover gathering Issac up in his abundance of blankets stroking his curls humming softly rocking him slightly like I would when he was a newborn. 

Reading the hungry caterpillar to him, all of us falling asleep as we read curled up