Marshal stood in front of the door of Gloria's apartment. He knew he had to go inside, to protect Gloria from something she did not know about.
He had been in this very same spot countless times. Standing at the door, unsure and guilty and yet helpless. He never wanted to be here and yet he did. He was here for a different reason this time but the felt the same way.
Much like always he stood for countless minutes, tapping his foot against the floor. He knew she could hear him. That she was waiting for him to draw the courage to ring the bell.
He knew that she was imagining him in a rumpled shirt, nervously running his fingers through the dark tresses of his hair. Almost as if she could see him pull his lower lip between his teeth, before he would let out a sigh and almost turn around. By this time Gloria would loose her patience and open the door the moment he turned away to leave.
"We aren't having an affair anymore, Marsh."
"I know…"
Marshal responded in a small voice.
"Then, why the guilt routine."
"Because she is dead… it feels infinitely more wrong to be here now that she is dead. I was…"
"Come and sit inside… we can talk about this further."
Marshal nodded before he entered the house taking in the familiar surroundings. He watched the grand piano sitting at the far end of the corner. It somehow looked more inviting than the pure black fluffy sofa dominating the center of the living room.
He walked to it, fetching the lighter out of his pocket.
"I always liked the piano lit up with your scented candles. It looked so inviting and sexy at the same time. I always wanted to play on it… and have you over it, all Christian Grey style."
Marshal reached out and lit the candle, waiting for the roses to engulf his skin. Watching the low illumination of the flame dance on the smooth surface of the piano. He was lost in thought, as the echoes of a song began to form in his mind. He could not remember the lyrics just yet, or put together why he was listening to it. He simply could hear the tune slowly give way to a memory he could not articulate.
"Would you like some drinks?" Gloria asked as she looked for something, anything to distract her from the sexual tension that hung in the air.
She had not realized how much Marshal's 'I love you' the morning and his presence in her house again would affect her. But, now he was here, in flesh. A part of her had missed him. The same part, that, was watching the shadows of candlelight fall on his face and tease the contours of his face.
Shaping the dark untamed brown curls, weaving between the strands, teasing her.
She handed him a glass of scotch, brushing her fingers against his in attempt to regain some intimacy and was upset when he immediately shook it away as if electrified.
Marshal sat down on the chair, a glass of scotch in one hand as his fingers traced the keys of the piano. He brought the glass closer to his lips, letting the smell of roses be laced with the spicy smell of scotch when a part of the lyrics started to come back to him.
"He said he would stay… he said he could love me someday…"
"Untrusted Love…" Gloria responded recognizing the lyrics.
"Is that what it is called?"
"Yes… do you want me to play it?"
"Yes… I actually would like that." Marshal said as he gulped the drink down in one go, before getting up to refill his glass.
"Easy there…" Gloria teased light heartedly.
But, there was something about him that seemed shattered to her eyes, more so now than it did in the morning. Something so forlorn and final. And somehow that hurt her. She wanted that from him, but it was nothing something Gloria would accept even to herself.
"He said he would say…
He said he could love me someday…
I guess that's why I am standing here waiting for him…
All alone
As he looks into the eyes of the woman he loves…
Turn around and see me now
Look in the shadows
Search for the dark side
The place I now live in
In a lie where I am still waiting
Waiting for this illogical love."
Marshal did not say a word, he simply closed his eyes as the memory started to come back to him.
"I met her to this song; this was the song that was playing in the background.
It wasn't the first time I had seen her. No, I had had a one night stand with her roommate and well she cock-blocked me." Marshal paused to laugh and refill the glass for the fourth time.
"Francis?"
Marshal nodded.
"It was for my undergrad. Every time our exams ended we would all go to this one restaurant close to campus and eat there. That was one of our traditions. The restaurant was expensive on a student's salary, you know? Now I guess that place would seem like a dump and the food wouldn't seem all that fancy. But, back then it was big deal.
But, what we really liked about the restaurant was that one it was always empty and two it had live music. We would sit there for hours all together just listening to those struggling musicians sing.
And then, there she was. Dropping the dishes. She had just started working there as a waitress. I remember looking at her and knowing in that moment that I would marry her someday.
Her rich black curls were straightened back then and her hair was shorter making her look like an elf or a pixie but it was that smile, which lit up her whole face. And this song was being sung to the piano in that moment when she sauntered to our table."
"Is that how you two started dating?"
"No, my princess rebuked me for month's altogether. She was even dating someone else at that time. But… I won her in the end."
"How?"
"It's a long story…" Marshal said with a sad smile before he started singing along the song again.
"Then it's a good thing that you are staying over."
"She was wearing a blue ill-fitting uniform that time. It would have looked hideous on any woman but not her. There was something so effortless about her beauty. No matter what she wore or did she managed to look fucking beautiful in it.
She was taking our orders, behaving like she did not even recognize me. She didn't. And I remember how upset that had made me, because it meant I made no impact on her.
Years later I even asked her if she had remembered me, turns out she hadn't.
I kept looking at her. She didn't know it. Why would she? I was not the type of guy that a girl as beautiful as her would turn twice over for. I left that day and said nothing to her. But, in my mind I had already decided to ask her out. I was simply too nervous to do it at that moment."
"Then?"
"Then, I well stalked her a few days if I am being honest. Like not the crazy stalking. More like I set my friend up to start becoming friends with her so I would have a reason to talk to her."
"You could have done that without so much efforts."
"In retrospect you are probably right…"
"Do you think you can truly love again?"
"I doubt it. There was something there that you can't find again. You just can't…. Not matter how hard you try. She was my person. My end game. And well…"