And so I read on. I created that which existed with me, was above me and beneath me at the same time.
I am as lost in this world as I am not. I, the great? Or is it I, the fallen?
I know not where the wind blows, I know that it is blowing everywhere and in all directions.
I remembered a song amidst this heat of the barren lands:
I said we need to talk,
She walks,
I said sit down, I want to talk
She smiled not knowing what was about to befell her,
I stared through her soul,
She felt apprehensive, seeing the bad omens,
She felt a tug in her heart, she wondered,
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
Is it life that struck me like a cannonball?
Or just a breeze which swept me off my feet unprepared?
This happened when I lost all my self respect, for this is when I committed the worst crime of being human, I betrayed what I stood for in all its entirety. Some say it isn't a huge deal. I did what had to be done, my hands were tied. But were they really? I fight all my battles, whether it be ice or snow, and yet I have up.
For the first time in my life, I generated a regret.
And I know this is not a demon I can defeat, for however proud I am, whatever demons I have made my peace with, I am the demon here in front of this situation. I chose the lesser of the two evil. I know that the day when I accept this for what it was, when I make my peace with it, I will no longer be the person of this crime. A maniac if you will, creation of darkened pus filled horrors of a life I never expected neither imagined nor wanted.
I know it's just a phase... with time my wounds shall heal. I don't want them to, hence I scratch off whatever heals to keep it afresh for as long as I can, remember the pain I inflicted on that innocent woman, for it isn't swords and weapons and such that kill off a human being, but sharp words, spoken from a tongue sharper than daggers, and knives thrust into your back which remold you.
I frequently get sidetracked from a story which I wish to tell you,since it's the matter of the heart which is the worst, hence bear with me... read on my rant for a while longer. I hope you learn something from it and don't commit the same mistakes I did.
To the others, have a blessed Iife.