Ted's steps are clear. he is coming on my way.
I look at his daughter. the girl doesn't seem to care. my only purpose is to end things. I hope it ends fast and simple.
Ted gets inside of the room. I hit him on the head from behind with a frying pan. Ted falls on his knees. I grab him from the hair. I drag him out of the room. the things that are about to happen are too graphic for the girl.
Ted puts some resistance. I kick his face multiple times. he is bleeding. Ted is wounded. I don't see any strength on him. I am letting all my rage out. I take my time kicking him. to say I have no resentment, is the biggest lie I had told.
I take Ted to a dark part of the abandoned building. Ted keeps accusing me of things I do not understand. there is so much rage on his eyes.
Ted keeps insisting that I have something to do with Samantha's death. he refuses to accept any argument that defies his own.
"because you are going to die tonight. I want to confess something. the first person that I killed was your wife. it was painful and there is nothing to undo what is done."
"lies. you're a liar. I refuse to accept that as the truth."
"you don't have much of a choice. you either take the truth as it is, or you die in ignorance. I don't know which one is the worse choice, but I am trying."
"NO. No. no. I don't want to know more. she was pregnant with my child."
"hahahahaha... you have to be fucking shitting me. I can't have a single second of peace. I barely feel like breathing and then something worse happens."
Ted stands up. he runs towards me. we fight. I don't have a clear image of what happened then. I just can say that I pushed him. he hits his head with something. Ted was completely unconscious.
I find an iron bar. I pull Ted's pants down. I stab Ted with the iron bar inside his anus. then I take a bottle of liquor out. I throw some of the liquor on top of Ted's genitals. then I throw a lit match on top of his genitals.
Ted wakes up screaming. he drags himself on the floor. he tries to turn off the fire with desperation as he keeps screaming. soon the screams start to sound like the howl of a wounded animal.
Ted was successful on turning the fire down, but he wasn't able to save his genitals. Ted cries silently as there is nothing else for him to do. I observe him with a sinister smile. I can feel the pleasure of his pain. I feel my inner demons waking up.
I wish I could say that I am no sadistic monster. but so much shit has happened to my life and in such a short time. I refuses to control those inner dark emotions. I refuses to be a slave of society. I will be the way I wish to be.
Ted was asking for compassion. I am no saint. I am not the idiot goody two shoes that I use to be not so long ago. I am so many things and none of those things is good.
I start to torture Ted. I mutilate some of his fingers. I cut off some fingers. I stab his arms and legs with a piece of glass big enough to make him bleed, but short enough to not kill him of blood lost.
I kick him and punch him. I burn the plant of his feet. I keep going until I get tired. I brutalized him as much as I wanted. then I stop for four minutes. the last thing I did was cutting off his tongue. then I finally broke his neck allowing him to die.
I look at Ted's corpse. his final facial expression was one of sadness. I kind of felt bad for a while before thinking of what he did to me. he did to me so much worse than that. I only applied my own kind of justice.
I left to the room in which I left the girl. I untied her. I told her to not search for her father because she won't like what was left of him. for some strange reason she chose to follow me as I was leaving the building.
I start crying the moment I look at the moon. I felt nostalgia. I felt melancholia. I felt the gentle touch of my solitude. a tear or two left in honor for the lament I was feeling.
Vanessa grabs my face. she looks at me. and finally she kisses me. she kissed me with so many different emotions. she is a teenager. but at that moment she gave me in one simple kiss the relief that I needed.
there are many things that I could had done. there are more things that I could had said. but I wasn't thinking about anything in especial. I just hug her feeling thankful.
I know I had taken the lives of her parents. but for the time been I can care for her. I may sound like a creep or sick men. jet I don't care because I know myself.
truth to be told. you don't ever fully know yourself. I wanted to believe that I was a better person than Samantha or Ted. I created an ideal version of me that I am not. I was only following what others believed to be righteous without actually feeling it.
I am a fool. a fool that gave in to temptation when Vanessa asked me if I wanted to have sex with her. I couldn't hold myself and I end up devouring her innocence. I can argue that she gave me consent, but that is just an excuse to my lust.
I can clearly see that angelic face. I can feel her hands scratching my back. the blood stains that are left on the white bed sheets. the tears coming from her eyes. the sweet smile that she gives me as I take her and make her mine.
there was a thought on my head. I couldn't erase from my head the image of another taking the woman I loved. I was afraid of losing her too. then from been gentle I became a bit more aggressive. she asked me to be gentle.
I wanted to mark my territory. I wanted to make sure that there was no other man that could satisfy her on the bed. I may be going overboard with my actions. and to be honest I don't care if that is how others see me.
I whisper gentle things on her ear. I rob from her lips a kiss. I taste the nectar that comes from her mouth. I use my hands to help her reach pleasure. the bed sheets are stained by her sweet fresh honey.
I am the big bad wolf who came to devoured the girl on the red hood. yesterday I was but a simple farmer with dreams of simplicity. but the wolf stole my treasure. and the rage turned me into another big bad wolf.
her voice is like music playing the sweetest tone. the gestures on her face are equally cute and equally erotic. even her shadow seems to be lustful. I can't denial or hide how much I am enjoying myself. to be the owner of her body and soul sounds forbidden.
there are doubts that come and leave my mind. I question my actions and my morals. jet the flower that induces my hunger taste better than the bitter life I had lead so far. for another bite of such gorgeous flower I don't care anymore about my soul's salvation.
if what has happen is the outcome of a divine test. I am not to blame for failing the test, because the one to be responsible is the one who put the test on my way. there is just so much a human can tolerate before falling on the arms of the temptation.
after four long hours I was done. Vanessa looks at me with a tender smile. she kisses my forehead and then she passes out. I was tired. I feel on the bed besides her. softly and with care I hug Vanessa.
I fell asleep. I woke up the next mourning. Vanessa was looking at me with a smile. she was expecting something from me. she couldn't cook. so I made breakfast for two.
later that same day cops came to get me. I was ready. waiting for them. I said goodbye to Vanessa with a kiss. soon after I was taken to prison.
the crimes that Ted committed couldn't be proven to be mine. there was enough evidence to point at Ted. but the crimes that I committed are as visible as daylight. plus you can add the crime of fucking a minor. I was done. my life was over.
I didn't put on any resistance. Vanessa seems to be sad. after today she is officially alone on the world. I smile when I get inside of the patrol. I am glad of the outcome.
.....
it has been about a month since I am on prison. my lawyer is some skinny white man that looks even more pathetic than me. he wears glasses and a suit. I point out his skin color because he is whiter than me.
the lawyer is suppose to be one of the best on the field. his name is Kyle Jones. he was the lawyer of the guy who went to prison after killing violently three thugs on self-defense about twenty years ago. I may be wrong on the math in it.
it doesn't matter. the point is that he was able to keep that guy's sentence to its minimum and he has done much better on the later half of his career. he once kept a criminal out of jail when it was obvious he did it.
this man. the lawyer is going to help me. I may be overthinking things. but I prefer to think that there is hope for my case. there is an opportunity to be free again. if I can be free again I will continue my relationship with Vanessa.
if I can be completely honest I am kind of afraid of my cellmate. I heard he is a hell of psycho and that isn't the worse part. there are some colorful characters who sleep under the same roof including the 'Midnight Reaper.'
I once saw Martin Johnson from far away. he looks indeed as scary as the legends of him and his time as a serial killer. I often see the 'Midnight Reaper' talking about the idea of changing his nickname. he doesn't seem to like his nickname.
another thing that is of great note lately is that I had changed so much. I use to be a guy who couldn't get hard more than twice a week. lately I am hard almost every damn second of the day. I suppose this is what lust feels like. not pretty, but not bad either.
at times Vanessa comes to visit me. at times I receive and send back letters. she brings some light inside of this iron jungle. and I am glad about that.
there can't be a greater joy than to know someone out there is waiting for my return to society and the world. a youthful lady dreaming of a future at my side.
I use to curse the name of my former wife. I use to curse Ted's name. but that is all on the past now. I do have to include that I am not myself all the time. there are times in which I lose control of who I am. and I brutally attack others.
I feel like a little kid talking about my experience on this hidden paradise. sadly not everyone thinks the same way as I do. there are some who wish to leave. I can't imagine a world out there.
don't get me wrong I miss my dear lover. I miss parts of the world. there are times in which there is nothing to cure my lust. there are so many things that are wrong. jet I feel like myself behind bars.
I don't have to pretend to be a good guy. I don't have to pretend to be weak. I don't have to hide from the world who I am. I can proudly scream how damn crazy I am. and no one is going to judge me.
I am thinking about staying for a longer time. but if Vanessa needed of me. or if something happens to me. then I will try to escape.
leaving behind my love life and every other kind of relationship. it isn't so hard to make friends inside of prison. there are some guys as crazy as me. some guys who want the same things as me. it is easier to make friends than out there.
the bad side is that sometimes I need to kill, or hurt those friends to make an example out of them for good. before they become rebels in order. I don't think there is much more to say at the moment.
I wish to say goodbye good sir. but I had the feeling that we will meet again in my next adventure inside or outside of prison. and I don't feel like it will take too long for that faithful meeting between us.
there is one thing that I want to include before saying goodbye. I had become one with my body and my lust. I no longer fear for those sexual desires. I no longer look down on myself nor on others like myself.
there are thousands of things to conclude or include. there are hundreds of notes to point out or to pretend never existed. there are a handful of things I left unsolved. but there is only one death that I regret. and the victim is Vanessa's mother.
"do you finally understand doctor. there is no cure for someone who wasn't ever broken. I just didn't realize how complete I was until the last minute."
"so tell me, James. what else you wish to share with me."
"nothing else sir. I had already told you everything that you need to know about me, my past, and how I became who I became."
"thanks, James. that was really helpful."
I look at my doctor. I know he didn't understood my tale about acceptance. about accepting my twisted ways. but who cares. I am happy with me. I can feel whole. there are some lesser issues. but I am good, mostly.
THE END..... maybe.