At my stricken look, Van stood up. "Stay here and eat. I'll go talk to him," he said with what sounded like frustration.
I was too upset to answer. I should be the one going after Joel. What could I say? Nothing. I'd told Van the truth. It didn't take away from my feelings for Joel, but there was no way to explain it. I knew both brothers intimately now. There was no comparison between the two. Joel was it for me and I'd completely fucked it up.
My food arrived. My stomach was too upset to take more than a few bites. I was afraid I wouldn't keep even that down. I paid the bill and walked across the street. I didn't see Joel or Van, so I went to our room. Joel's things were gone and the door between us was locked on his side. I knocked, but he didn't answer. I had no idea if he was in there. I had fifteen minutes until the bus left. I packed my things and went downstairs.
