There aren't many things I hate. Actually, there only one thing that I hate, and it's when things I have meticulously planned don't work out as expected. When I find myself facing problem that are resultant of this, I find that I start asking self depreciating questions like "Aminah how worthless could you possibly be?" a or I"Aminah can you be any more stupid that you are now?" Then I'll start to cry and feel bad about myself . In the end I'll double my efforts and fix the problem. Honestly it's a never ending cycle of doubting myself and then retrusting myself.
Somehow, by by some unfortunate stroke of luck I have managed to find myself in one of those situations again. My sister is resuming Law school today and I'm honestly the most excited human being on earth, but that isn't the problem. The problem is, I'm standing in the blistering harmattan cold of Kano state waiting not so patiently in front of our gate for my best friend the one and only Mary Jude who is always late for everything (in this situation of course) to come pick me up.
She's late this time and it's all my fault.
I have a habit of making to do lists at night everyday before I go to bed. It's so serious that I've gone past just mentally making these lists, I literally write them down now because in the end they work better, I wouldn't forget anything and if there's anything on the last that has to do with anybody around me instead of talking so much I could just hand the list over to them. On today's list I have three major things written down.
One, make sure Salimah gets to school on time.
Two, make sure mummy remembers to pack all of Salimah's things and
Three, which is the problem now, remind Mary that she's your means of transportation for the day. I definitely told her about the fact that she's taking me to the airport. I'm sure of it.
Everything was going according to plan until two minutes to when I'm supposed to leave. Mary calls and says she's going to be running late, again. This is not shocking at all, It's Mary we're talking about. I already made plans for that, I told her to come 30minutes early but even that wasn't enough. Mary being the kind of person that she is forgot to inform her driver that she was going out the next day. So her mom took the driver instead and being 17 and unable to drive she was stuck at home and so was I. The call in question was made an hour ago and my sister's flight leaves in exactly 30minutes.
In the end it's my fault. I should have reminded her yesterday night. I should have even personally called the driver, it wouldn't have been a first. The one time I decided to rely on Mary this is what happened. I'm honestly pissed and my hands are itching to pick up the phone and give her a piece of my mind but I won't. For the singular reason that if I do call her, she'll get angry. Then we'll fight, we'll stop talking and three days later my friends life would be in a chaotic state. Because unfortunately for me or her honestly not sure anymore Mary Jude just can't function without me.
Suddenly shivering, I remember I'm still standing outside my house and that it's really cold. I rub my hand together to generate a little heat, then I place my hands on my cheek. The action causing me smile and sending me back to my childhood.
As a child I used to be really close to my dad. It's funny because right now I can barely stand the very thought of the man, but he wasn't always bad. When I was younger during the harmattan season he'd call my sister and I out, he'd light a fire in the back yard after which my sister and I would bring out the chairs and sit around the fire telling ourselves stories. It'll finally get really cold and my mom would start shouting from inside the house that her husband should bring her children in. Dad would laugh saying we were also his children, even though he'd still take us in and when we finally get inside he'll tell us to rub our palms together and then place them on our faces. I remember being really excited about it because in my head it was a magic trick so I never tried it without my dad because I just figured it wouldn't work.
I finally walk back into the house going through the living room the couch calling out to me to just lay down there, but I wouldn't dare. My mother treasures the seat more than anything in the house so sleeping on her couch would be like placing a really large sign on my head saying 'I'm an idiot. Punish me'. A suggestion she'll with open arms accept. She'd either give you the silent treatment which on a normal day isn't really bad. Unless it's those days where she'll go round the house screaming at the top of her voice about a daughter that won't heed to simple instructions and anyone hearing her from outside would think that I stole or maybe slept away from the house for a whole month. If she's not screaming around the house then she'll definitely call my sister and together they'll turn me into the topic of discussion for the day and the probably the next and finally my sister would call me telling me I shouldn't offend my mother with a totally different story. It's not like my mother is a liar or anything like that. It's just she has a totally different outlook to everything that happens.
Any normal person would get angry at my mom but the sad thing is, I can't. Actually I don't know how. I never get angry or better still I never show it. I can't just take chances if I get at my mom she'll get angry too then my sister will hear about it then she'll also get angry. I just can't afford to let that happen because after everything my mom, my sister and I have suffered in the hands of my dad I can't can't let them feel anything other than happiness. It's my job to make every single person happy.