"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows."
― Socrates
Chapter 3: Suzue reed
Darkness... i couldn't see anything in my surroundings, how could i? when i cant open my eyes, there's nothing, even though everything is black the place isn't broad, i feel like i'm in a room with no windows and doors, where... am i?
it's been 40 hrs since i found myself floating in nowhere, everything sucks, i can't open my eyes, i can't move my limbs and i feel like i'm not even breathing.
i wonder how long i'll be staying in here... 41... 50... 68... 70...
this situation i am in makes me thinks about everything i did in my life. come to think of it... i haven't done anything that could contribution to society, i haven't done a thing for my happiness.
in my memory there's only her...
Hadley.. ah right, i met hadley when i was a kid. she was the first person who smiled at me, it was genuine so sweet and full of kindness... everyday i followed her, i wanted be her friend, so i did... when did everything went wrong?...
fire... ah fire was the reason of my whole family dying, the reason why everything went downhill. i remember, it was my 8th birthday when the near orphanage was flamed, the fire was huge it travels to a near buildings and houses towards our house, the firefighters was so late... they couldn't save my house, and my family who's oblivious to everything and were still preparing for my party got trapped...
how did i survive... when did she started hating me? ... when... ah now i remembered.
i was alone ... she was there, they were there...
her mom, her dad they were holding me.... in my sleep, in my nightmares, when i was eating, playing,.. jealousy... human's jealousy... is really the worst.
but my obliviousness... i am so stupid... if only... if only...
85.... 90..... 95...
if only... God will pardon me... for one.. last ... desire
[very well i shall grant you one wish]
who?... wish..
one wish..
"just... once... i want.. to be smart"
[hmm... as you... wish]
who?... are you God?... if yes? then thank you.
i am sorry for everything that i have done... for my mistakes that i have committed, i'm not worthy for your benevolence, i have committed a sin beyond forgiveness. are you still there? why am i asking? i am sorry for questioning your existence, for doubting your kindness, i am not a saint, i am a sinner... i am your child yet i am a disappointment.
God?...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 150... 200... 600.. 605..65- who? why are you pulling me? can you be a little bit gentler? it-it hurts.
who... who's pulling me?
light? ah light, i never thought i would be happy seeing lights.
opening my eyes i stared at a blurry figure i assume a face, they were carrying me, i felt myself hanging upside down and a sharp pain in my ass cheeks.
why? why are they hurting me?... wait for of all why do i feel small?.. giants? no.. did i shrunk?
impossible.. am i a baby?.
so this is how babies feel when they were born.. i feel hopeless, weak, and vulnerable.
noises that i couldn't understand snap me out of my thoughts, and then i found myself away from the room where my supposed to be mom is... i guess they are putting me in a observation room?
no i think not, because the next thing i know is , i found my self alone in a forest wrap in a blanket still fresh in blood. how cruel... humans are really cruel.
i can't blame God for being disappointed at us-- humans, putting a mere baby in a forest in the middle of the night wrap with a blanket and showered with blood. humans are so mess up... i wonder what kind of excuse will they use for throwing a baby?
i hope you'll forgive them for their unforgivable deed, for wasting a life that you gave them. for not appreciating a gift you've sent. i guess i'm just very unlucky, let me be responsible for their mistake.
huh?... the ground is shaking, earthquake? no i heard galloping... horses? i never thought horses can now roam freely, my eyes opened and landed on a black and white blurry figure.
the figure pick me up and stared right into my eyes and i could decipher the blurriness of the figure's face a bit. it's a man, a man in his 30's perhaps?
he opened his mouth and mouthed a words, i couldn't understand it but i could sense his kindness, wand so i unconsciously answered.
my words is beyond understandable but i sense the delight and glee the man felt, with one last smile he engulf me with a warmth embrace, and for the first time since i came here i cried.
how embarrassing... i never thought i would cry again, when did the last time i cried?,, ah right after their death, it was my last and most annoying tears i released. why? because i did't shed a tear when i saw the house burning, i didn't weep when they were being buried, i cried because the warm embrace of my best friend's parents.
i guess i love hugs then. silly me
.
.
after 6 months i can finally hear and understand range of sounds, my eyes can also see colors ad differentiate them, but i couldn't walk nor talk. i feel like i'm back to basics, it's like finishing your virtual report but accidentally undid everything, and then you need to go make it from the start again.
i experience that once, and i was very frustrated that i punch a random person in the face after noticing him staring at my chest... ... ... i guess punching him can be considered normal because he was openly harassing me.
if you are wondering where am i then i'll happily share with you.. i'm a church, a chapel, or depends on what you call it.. i'm the only child in this place, surrounded by Holy maidens and priests, they name me suzue reed.. i actually manage to know my name when i saw the words written in my crib one day.
i thought it was just a design but then i heard one holy maiden said that all my thing should have my name carved on it. at first my name was just Suzue... but they decide to add a creed on it, however.. suzue creed is not a nice thing to hear nor pleasant to say, though i think it's cool, then they change it to reed. inspired by creed and the color red.
when i finally reach the age of 1, i can now walk though i still need assistance but it's not a problem because everyone was willing to help me. my stay in the church is peaceful and heart warming.
and oh i find out that i'm not on earth anymore, i think the name in this world is Kronos, i still don't know the name of my land is but i think it can wait.
"Ezu, time for your lunch" i heard maiden grace said and i felt my self being carried i happily nod and giggles making her laugh as well.
i didn't know why but every time i giggle they would laugh, i guess it because i'm a baby, babies are born to be cute i won't deny that.
"you're 1 year old now and soon we will find ourselves looking at a very beautiful lady" i giggle again and she laugh, continuing her random talks i didn't bother to change my attention and remain listening to her.
grace is my caretaker every Wednesday, she's pretty and kind, i like her her smiles that would reach her eyes making it wrinkle, it was so genuine and precious, i would protect it as long as i'm alive.
"un" and there it is again... her laughter.