when Sunday, 24th November 2019
"Dad, don't you think the concept of the white towel in boxing is stupid?"
Curiosity again strokes Will to see some random old bald guy outside the boxing ring who seemed to be the coach of the thinner and less muscular guy who is being beaten by his opponent throwing a white towel in the ring on the T.V.
Adjusting the cigarette in his mouth, his father replied in an annoyed voice, "Son, you can see the guy had enough. Blood is spillin' out of every possible hole of his face. And would ya look at his teeth? They are no longer white."
Will stared at those red teeth of the beaten-up guy when the camera was closed up to his face. In a confused manner, "So?"
His dad now shifting his ass closer to Will on the sofa they're sitting,
"So the guy can't take any more punch. He'd practically bleed to death if the coach wouldn't have thrown the towel."
Will in an unconvinced manner,
"So? The guy should've thought of it before doing this shit. He at least expected this. So why give up?"
His dad trying to fit some sense in his 17-year-old son, "Son, he sure would've expected this. But he hoped this wouldn't happen. And so did his coach. You know how something dangerous would turn out but still does the shit on the hope that everything would turn out fine. And when you can't take it anymore; the hazards of that shit, you give up. Because for your good. It's like this cigarette."
Then his dad takes the cigarette in the middle of his index and middle finger to point out.
"(thinks for a while) Then why do you smoke?"
His dad frowns, "Because I can still take this shit. And why are you so curious 24/7? (snorts) Didn't think boxing would give you something to be curious about..."
Will frowns at this but keeps on being quiet for he sensed annoyance in his father's voice. He knew it would be best to be quiet now because his father would cut anything if he speaks anymore. His phone, the internet or T.V. or anything he cherished. To be clear, Will didn't cherish much about his duplex. He had only a few things that he truly, genuinely admired in his house. There was his mobile, internet connection, some of his clothes. He would genuinely appreciate his computer but only if it would work always and not just goes off within a blink after working for two hours constantly. But his phone was his world for him. For it contained shirtless pics of models. Male models obviously and hot guys in tank tops where their chest and waist were visible due to the long and broad arm-hole, models in jockstraps or undies. And endless pics of Shawn Mendes, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Pattinson, Channing Tatum, Justin Bieber, and those Korean male models. All obviously saved in the private mode. Not just photos but gay porn and movies were contributing to the world of his phone. Whenever his mood would strike, he would masturbate in the school's or his house bathroom until he shoots his warm, thick and long cum. This was very much normal for Will. He used to do this 3-4 times a day. Bed at night was compulsory.
But his phone was his world for not just that. He can talk to his best friend Shirley any time he wants. Since she only knows about his sexuality, he can gossip enough times 'bout other guys. And the only school didn't seem to be the ideal idea as it wasn't enough. So he used to talk about boys after Will's dinner. Shirley had no problem with it. As she used to find it cute. Obviously. A long face with the jaw, almond-shaped blue eyes, skin white as milk, nose just perfect in shape, and thin pink lips talking about guys was a cute thing to Shirley. His cheeks would get so pink when he used to talk about guys and mostly about Troy.
He was about to think about Troy when his mother called him and his father for dinner. One-Pot Bacon Alfredo he hated entirely. But loved in other restaurants. Probably because other places do use costly vegetables like cherry tomatoes, lettuce, etc. But in his house, One-Pot Bacon Alfredo only consisted of fried bacon, watery mayonnaise, some potatoes, and tomatoes. And some salt and chili powder sprinkled. The combination of potato and tomato in that watery mayonnaise was not at all fitting. It wasn't correct. And some of the bacon would always burn.
"How's school dear?" His mother asked while eating just tomatoes.
"Not so great," Will replied with a frown.
"Why? Did you get any bad grades? Don't tell me you failed the science test!" The spoon in his mother's hand already dropped off hearing his reply and now her jaw was open.
'No mom. Because I almost cut my hands with a blade today, that's why!'
Will thought after hearing his mother's response. He didn't want to tell her that but he was so frustrated and angry because his mother would only care about his good grades. And then there was Troy too. He frowned when he thought of him,
"No actually, Mr. Thompson is retired. Umm.. he knew how to teach math."
His dad sniffed to clarify that his nose isn't clean, "He was a good teacher. Isn't he young to be retired? Hell, he's younger than me!"
"Well you know I am friends with his wife. She tells me that he is going through blood cancer." His mother said with no emotions while eating now the potatoes.
"That right? Damn!" His father now sniffed for a greater extent to clarify they'll be free from it for a while.
"You know Billy, that Mrs. Schwartz son. (Dad nods) People say that he ran away." His mother took out a conversation.
"That ain't a surprise to me. That kid always seemed troubled."
And so they talked ignoring all of the frowns of Will. He was quiet the whole dinner. Thinking about the good things in his life. But there wasn't much. Except for his friend and the fact that he knows he is gay at his age and his phone was the only good thing in his life. He certainly didn't like the old duplex he was living in. Because it would make either a squeaky or creaky sound when he walks fast. So he had to walk slow. He certainly wasn't so fond of their parents.
There was his dream.
His killing crush on Troy was up to no good though.
***
Monday, 25 November 2019
It was about morning but Will wasn't sure. So he checked his phone and it was 6:15 which meant that he was awake before the alarm went on. And that he slept just 2 or 3 hours ago made him so sleepy. But he wanted to go to school. Because he wanted to see Troy. But also he didn't want to see Troy because when he sees him, his heart sink. When his blond bangs would disturb his sight from his beautiful hazel eyes and when he used to say Will's name from his pink lips, Will could feel being hit by a bolt of lightning and an attraction so crazy and powerful that it would make him go crazy. Whenever he would be less than 10 inches away from him, he would feel his body be so warm. He even performed badly on some tests and got bad grades which in punishment, his phone got confiscated for a week.
He took a shower, let all the water go through his brown hair; let them cover his eyes. Will closed his eyes and imagined Troy sucking his dick. He was holding his head which was going up and down; clarifying that he wants him to suck harder. The only image of it made his dick leak pre-cum. Will was so hard on that he tasted it and moaned. He was having sex with himself. But if this situation happens in real; the two of them sharing a shower, it would be Will who would be sucking Troy's dick. Not because Troy is a jock and his motto 'Jocks don't suck cock'. But because he would die to suck off Troy's dick.
But he knew this would never happen.
Will's imagination broke off when his mom called him for breakfast and he realized that he's not even halfway finished. This was becoming more of a habit. He would think of Troy whenever he's in the shower. And not just in the shower, whenever he'd be alone, he would think of him. That made him go so crazy about him. And at the same time, very angry too. He knew he's going to get hurt if he's going to continue and it's not like he didn't try to stop. Oh, he did! But it was hard because he was in Troy's friend circle. To avoid him wasn't possible.
He wore a towel on his waist and got out of his bathroom frowned. Certainly angry on himself that he is so crazy about Troy. When he entered his room, he could hear someone whispering his name when he closed the door. He turned to the voice and it was coming from the closet. He opened it and saw Troy almost naked. Well, his dick is covered from the rainbow flag. Boy, he looked good! His hunky body was so great that it made Will's mouth water. He wanted to remove that flag so badly. Troy was constantly winking at him and so in hunger of his body, he went inside. Troy held his cheeks and started kissing. For a minute that happened and when Will couldn't wait any longer, he bent down and removed the flag. He imagined the dick to be thick and uncircumcised. And long too. He started sucking it and sucked it harder hearing Troy's moans.
"Will? What are you doing licking the hanger?"His mom said with a confused look on his face standing at the door.
Will come back to his senses,
"Umm..... Nothing umm...(got up) I am not doing anything."
"Are you sure you are okay?" His mom demanded.
(shouts) "I am fine mom."
"Okay. Well, come on. The breakfast is ready and you're gonna be late for school." His mom said and left.
Nothing of this sort has ever happened before. Will sure have imagined kissing Troy or even just now being sucked by him. But never had he imagined his dick and sucking it. He knew he shouldn't have seen East Side Story and God's Own Country but he did.
But he couldn't just explain such craziness by the effect of some movie. He admitted he is going crazy over him and that it had to be done. This has messed him up pretty well enough and he cannot let do it to him anymore when college is so near to him. He has to work hard on his studies. To get good grades. To go to a good college like Princeton and not end up in damp like the duplex he lives in. That was his exact plan before having this stupid crush anyway.
***
Driving his old car to school, he was just thinking of one thing. When and how he had this massive crush. When he first saw him. Or when he saved his ass from some other boys. Or when he asked him to be his friend. Or when they hugged almost naked after winning the swimming relay as a pair. Or when he just stared at him this one time with his bangs in front of his eyes making it difficult for Will to find what is in his eyes that makes him go so nuts about it. In comparison, Will had more beautiful eyes than Troy but he didn't seem to care about that. He just knew that his eyes are probably the most majestic thing Will would ever see and therefore has to get rid of them in that way anyhow.
***
"Where's he, Shirley?" Rose asked Shirley who was sitting and resting her head on the table in front of her on their first lecture class.
"Who?" Shirley asked annoyed probably because she knew Rose only came around to bitch.
"Your friend. What's her name, umm... yeah! Will! Where's he? I don't see him...."Rose teased.
"It's his!" Shirley demanded and now with heads up.
"His actions and behavior don't match with that." Rose again teased.
"And why do you care? Because you fall for the gays now?" Shirley snapped.
"A-A! That's what you do. You fall for him and now don't say I have to. You aren't contagious, you see." Rose said with a wicked smile.
Shirley showed her middle finger and said, "Fuck you, bitch!" and then again rested her head on the table. With a sigh, Rose went out of the classroom.
***
Will parked his car and immediately rushed to his locker and to the class to avoid Troy. But he realized he would have to eventually see him as they have the same class. He saw Shirley resting her head on the table and sat on the empty seat beside her.
"Hey what's wrong?" Will asked.
Shirley shook her head, "That bitch isn't gonna leave me ever!"
"Rose again? (Shirley nodded) I don't know why she keeps nagging you. I mean she was your best friend. I don't know what happened to her."
"I don't think she was ever a great friend," Shirley said with a sigh.
"Are you kidding? We three were a group! We were the best of friends. I just don't know what happened to her after that party. (looks at Shirley) Do you know something about this?"
"(irritated) I don't know Will. Can you please just shut your mouth for a second!"
Will understood that Shirley is now cranky and in his past experiences, he has learned that whenever Shirley sulks or is cranky, he better leave her alone.
***
Saturday, 24 August 2019
"Would you just tell him already!" Rose shouted to Shirley who was standing beside her drinking a plastic cup of punch to let her voice be audible to Shirley in that loud music of disco songs.
"I know he likes me but I am not sure in that way..." Shirley trailed as she suddenly drank her punch; shuddered from even that thought.
"Shirley, he spends an awful amount of time with us. He certainly doesn't do it because of me because of my sexuality. So he does it because of you." Rose took the cup of punch from Shirley's hand.
"Are you sure?" Shirley asked.
"Yeah, I am sure Shirls. Anyway, this crush has been with you for over a year. It has to end now." Rose said while tapping her shoulder.
Shirley looked at Will who was sitting on a bean bag opposite the house. So she had to travel through the crowd just to be with him. But Rose was right. This crush was with her for over a year and was driving her crazy. She had endless drooling dreams of Will and she just couldn't concentrate while talking to him. It felt like it wasn't a crush, it was something like a knife that was constantly stabbing her. She knew she was wrong to think about Will in that way since they were friends for almost all of their lives, but she couldn't help herself when Will beat the hell out of Magnus, the idiot who was annoying Shirley for months to be her girlfriend though having a girlfriend of his own. Anyone would have a crush on someone who fights for them. And so what happened to Shirley; which she so regrets now.
Shirley gave a look which said 'Let's get this over with' and said, "Wish me luck!"
Shirley left Rose when she gave her a thumbs up and struggled in the crowds to reach Will who was just sitting quietly. Gazing here and there. She wanted to puke while passing the crowd as some were puking on the floor, some were drinking, some started to do stuff, some were doing drinks and drugs. She didn't like what she was seeing at all. But she had to.
Will adjusted on his bean bag to give space for Shirley to sit when he saw her coming towards him. Shirley sat on it and just looked at Will who was looking at Troy and Maria kissing.
"You like Maria now?" Shirley sarcastically commented with a chuckle.
Will hesitated, "What?? No... I am just slightly disgusted as they have started there and then. Geez, is it so hard to find a room?"
Shirley smiled at this. She always loved Will's straightforwardness. It was the reason she made him her friend. But she didn't know that Will wasn't being straightforward now.
"My man, you are disgusted just at them? You don't know the things I saw while coming here. I saw tongues in throats, powder in nostrils....." She was happy she was interrupted because she knew if this was to go on, it won't be good.
"LOOK AT THEM! Sucking necks and nibbling, argh!!!!" Will furiously commented. Will wasn't listening to what Shirley was saying. He was just disgusted to see Troy devouring Maria. "Shirls, can I ask you something?"
"Of course Will." She was pleased when Will started a conversation as she had no idea what to talk about. Maybe she forgot why she was here. Or she was just nervous.
"Do you think it was a good thing for Rose to come out?" Will looked at her.
"Of course Will. It was a good thing she came out. She decided, well to be who she is. And not to live a lie."
"What about you? What was your response? I mean I am okay. But she is your better friend." Will stared.
"Now to look at it, I am okay Will. I am happy for her. I am happy she came out. She is now who she is. And for that reason only I am happy Will and for nothing else. (remembers why was she there) Will, it is a fool of me to ask but...."
Will rolled his eyes and interrupted,
"I am gay, Shirls!"
"but have you ever saw me...." Shirley didn't notice what he had said. Maybe couldn't in that noise.
"SHIRLS!" Will shouted at Shirley to gain her attention. He did.
"What?"
"I am gay," Will said.
Shirley took a moment before she chuckled, "Sure you are!" And started laughing. She expected Will to laugh too but he kept on a serious face.
"Will?" Shirley just said. She couldn't say anything else.
"I am gay, Shirls."
"Are you serious?" Not so convinced still.
"Shirls. I am gay. I have been my entire life."
Shirley was dumbfounded. She searched for a smile on his face to think he was kidding. But there wasn't any.
And that explained so many things.
"Shirls, you okay?" Will asked in a hope that everything would be still fine.
She just said, "I am okay Will. I am okay...." She trailed.
"You sure?"
"Of course Will. I guess that explains why you were looking at Troy."
"Yeah well, I have got a crush on him."
"Good for you." Shirley just smiled.
"What were you going to ask?" Will realized he did interrupt her question.
'I fucking love you!'
Of course, she couldn't say that. Really couldn't. Fuck she couldn't say anything rather than, "Nothing".
"Glad to tell you. Someone knows. Finally! Well, I am going to the restroom. I'll be back in a sec." But did Shirley knew that Will was only going to the restroom to bang the guy who was staring and smirking at him for a while? He didn't look like someone from his school so there was no harm in it.
As soon as Will went, Shirley went straight up to the kitchen counter where the punch was and started drinking it continuously. She wanted to bury those feelings but it was too late. It seemed that anything would happen to her but not getting over those stupid, killing feelings. She couldn't stop crying and ruining her mascara. There were now light, fade black lines on her cheeks. Rose understood that it didn't go well. And so she did have her time to cry and when she thought it was enough to leave her alone, she went up to her.
***
Monday, 21 November 2019
It was lunchtime and both Will and Shirley took their lunch from the lunch lady. Will looked at his plate. Mashed potatoes with chicken sandwich where there's hardly any chicken visible and just sauce between the pieces of bread, blueberry juice, and an apple. He hated everything in it. He was happy that Parker brings lunch from his home which is very tasty. So Will went to Troy's table and Shirley went to her girl-friends' table.
As he sat down at the table, he could've sworn that Troy gave him a smirk. He didn't know what it was about and wanted to know but only if he wasn't lost in that smirk.
"Guys, I broke up with Maria," Troy said while just taking a large bite of the apple. He was given an orange but he traded it with Will without him knowing. When Will realized, it was too late. He didn't expect this when he decided to sit beside him.
"Really? So single again huh?" Mandy asked while caressing his long well-set blonde hair.
"Really dude? No condolences, nothing?" Troy said coldly.
"We feel bad man. Really. What happened?" Parker tried.
"Bitch said I am not really into her or something like that. Said I am not completely there." Troy said not meeting eyes with anyone.
"Took her long enough to realize," Brad commented while smirking.
"Yeah, it isn't like our Football star is gonna be serious with any chick," David said.
"Yeah, she knew this. We agreed upon this. I don't want anything serious now." Troy said; not even a little sad.
"Now you're single again, we'll get every girl after you screw up her. It would be like fucking you. Ugh!!" Parker said and realized he shouldn't say the last part when everyone booed at him.
"Well, Parker you should be happy you get girls," Will said giving Parker a cunning smile.
"Burn man!"
"Ohhh!!!"
Parker realized he deserved this. He after all almost revealed his darkest secret. And Troy's too. Troy just looked at Will who was talking to Mandy on his other side. He just looked at him and smiled for a few seconds.
***
Thursday, 4th July 2019
Troy was fed up with his family. It wasn't like they were any bad to him. His dad the CEO of a successful trading business and his mother his partner. They had a big mansion like Ben's in Never Have I Ever. It was big. They had a pool, a gym, and a home theater of their own. Endless rooms made it a great place to play hide and seek. But the thing was he couldn't do that as he was older now. And the only thing which he thought he could do in his big mansion was no longer doable. This wasn't the only problem. The major problem was the silence. Everyone barely talked to each other. The only talk with them could be about their work.
His dad had a habit of saying this, "Son, you better do well in your academics. You have to manage this company after us. You will replace me and your mother will be replaced by your future woman."
These words never seemed to leave Troy's mind. Not even while fucking girls or anyone.
He couldn't think of doing anything he likes. He didn't want to work for his father's company. He wanted to be a footballer. Not because he was good at it. He was the best in the whole town but he loved it. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't do anything which he liked because it would only bring shame to their respective family who was known and respected by many people. He just had to follow his dad's steps. But he didn't want to.
He couldn't be stressed anymore when he gets texts from Parker about the thing they did once.
'Hey don't leave this like this.'
'Call me.'
'Hey don't hang me in here.'
'How about again?'
Troy wanted so badly to respond something positive to the last text but he knew if he did, it would further be very complicated. And very hard. No matter he knew how meaningless it was, he knew he would get a habit of it.
He wanted a text from him. Not Parker. But from Will. He knew how to cheer him up. Just a simple 'hey' would cheer him up good. He didn't know how he was able to do it but he knew he wanted it bad. He was addicted to it in these situations. Situations where he would feel lonely and frustrated. He was just laying on his king-sized bed waiting for his text. He knew he was going to text anytime then because it was usually the time they talk. But the time had already started and Will was late to message which happened for the first time. Troy was disgusted to see Will not sending anything. Sure he could text him too but he needed a text from him. He wanted his 'Hey'. He was about to lose hope when a text popped up.
'Hey man. Just finished showering.'
So that was what made him late to text. He was no longer mad. His text made him remember all those things he wanted to do. He didn't want to do some lame job at his dad"s company. Okay, it wasn't lame but to him it was. He didn't want to wear a suit to work every day. He didn't want to hold meetings and have anything to do with trading. Hell, he didn't want to marry a girl.
***
Monday, 24th November 2019
Lunch was over and there was a little too much chili in that homemade lasagna of Parker's for Will and so it may have taken him more time than he thought in the washroom and was already late for the next class. He was rushing and running and in that he bumped into his Math teacher Mr. Mazol.
"Slow down Will." Mr. Mazol said
"Sorry sir, I was a little late for class."
"Which class?"
"English."
"Ah! Just tell her you had something to do with me. She won't ignore that."
"Thank you, Sir." Will starts to walk.
"Wait, Will. I do have something to tell you. ( Will nods) I don't do this to students but it is important to you. (Will nods) Yeah. You didn't score well on Friday's test. (Will's eyes widen) Yes. And you know you only got a B+ on the previous test."
"Um... Sir..."
"There's nothing to tell me. Will, you have to get at least an A in the test next week or I don't think you would get into Princeton."
Mr. Mazol stated boldly leaving Will in shock. He just stood there for a few seconds only to realize he had it coming. He rushed to his next class and said that Mr. Mazol had something to do with it. It worked. He didn't expect that. But even reaching late failed to gain his attention in class. He wanted to be in Princeton no matter what. It was his dream. A ladder of his dream. His dream was to be the most successful entrepreneur. And for that, he had to get his academics done from a great college. He chose Princeton because he thought he would easily manage to go there.
But now it felt as if the plan was going somewhere else. He had to go Princeton anyhow. And he needed grades for that. And for that, he needed focus which was entirely spent on Troy and his looks. He was no longer happy with the crush. He was now scared of it. Scared because if it could kill his dream, then it would surely kill everything. Because his dream was his everything. Graduation was near and he had to work his best. But he couldn't do any good let alone best while this toxic crush on Troy is alive.
He decided something. He needed to do that to make his dream come true. He knew what would be the outcome. He would for sure lose Troy and his friendship. And losing that, he would surely lose all of his other friends. Yeah. But losing Troy felt hard to Will. It was almost half a year of his crush. And now the thought of losing Troy felt so devastating. It made him shred a few tears. But he had to do it. Sure one of the reasons and the most important one of him being alive will be eliminated, he just had to do it. To be a successful entrepreneur and not live somewhere where he lives. Shirley noticed the tears being harshly wiped from Will's face and decided to talk about it.
***
The last class was over and Shirley didn't talk to him about those tears. She could easily talk in between classes. But she didn't know what to say. So she prepared and asked,
"What was those tears about?"
"Nothing." He replied within a second.
"Oh come on! You don't cry just because of anything. And sure don't because of nothing. You are stronger than me in that sense."
Will took some time, "I've decided to confront Troy. About my...(trails) my feelings." Will's said.
"Oh... Well, congrats. To me really. (chuckles) Those talks of the mighty Troy Lord would be over now!"
"Fuck you Shirls! I am so fucking angry and scared of the obvious outcome. And you are here cracking jokes in this situation! I can't believe it!" Will shouted. He was lucky they were talking in his car.
Shirley understood she made a mistake. But she just cracked a joke because she didn't want to show her inner disappointment. She was hurt.
"I am sorry Will. When are you going to do it?"
"Now. The sooner the better."
"But what are you gonna say?"
"I don't know," Will replied with a sigh.
Shirley rolled her eyes. She usually loved Will's spontaneousness but she knew it wouldn't turn out to be great if he doesn't prepare himself for this.
"You serious?"
"Yeah. I am struggling."
"Okay. You have any idea on what will you do?" Shirley asked in hope.
Will shook his head."I dunno. I knew I had to face this but didn't think how."
"Will. You should drop this idea for today. Maybe you should tell him tomorrow."
"No! I told you. The sooner the better. Who knows what might happen in these 24 hours. (Shirley sighed) Shirls, I can't take it anymore. I am lost in this. And I can't do that. All that I want in my life will be unavailable if I don't do anything about this..." Shirley was lost now. She was was reminded of a talk of her own. A talk with Rose. And she couldn't help but live in that moment.
Shirley found herself in that party where Will had come out to her. But she was wearing the same clothes she wore on 21 November. Her hair was the same. She looked around all those people drunk, dancing, and was constantly getting annoyed by that strange, odd, and unlikable disco music and stopped her gaze on the kitchen counter where Past Shirley was drinking punch constantly. She then realized she is revisiting a memory that she had long buried.
Shirley walked towards the Past Shirley and just when she was about to notice the tears in her eyes, she was disturbed by Rose who barged in.
"Seems it didn't go well. What did he say?"
Shirley honestly didn't remember much other than a faint voice and blurred image of Rose and the faint voice of herself. That's why it all must've made sense. Those unrecognizable faces of people and faded color on the walls. It wasn't a proper memory and that to visited after almost forgetting it.
"He doesn't feel the same." Past Shirley said with a sad smile.
"It's okay. (starts patting her shoulder) It's not the end of the world."
"No, it is to me. The..(stutters) fact that he didn't feel the same and.... couldn't ever is almost like the end of the fucking world. At least the pain is."
Shirley remembered how hurt she was and almost shredded a tear.
"(blinks) What do you mean?"
"He's gay."
"(rolls her eyes) What!"
"He's fucking gay! And I am here in love with him."
"It's okay. (hugs her) It's okay."
Past Shirley gets back in an instant, hence breaking their hug.
"What are you doing!"
"(confused) What?"
"I am not like you."
"What!"
"I am not like you perverts! I am straight as a ruler. But you motherfuckers think everyone is like you, isn't it?"
Shirley was shocked to see this. She forgot this. But everything was now coming back to her.
"Shirls. You're not okay. (puts one hand on her shoulder and other on her waist to make her walk properly) Come on. Let's get you home."
"(pushes her) I am not like you. Stop touching me! I AM NOT A PUSSY-LICKER LIKE YOU!"
Shirley noticed everyone looking at them now. Though she wasn't there and they weren't looking at her, but she was still ashamed.
"(gasps) Shirley! Watch your words!"
"And you stop watching MY FUCKING BOOBS!"
Shirley wanted to make the Past Shirley understand. Make her understand that Rose isn't wrong here. But she couldn't. She was just revisiting a memory. It seemed that most of her frustration, Past Shirley released on Rose and the rest while punching a wall after Rose left her. Present Shirley couldn't understand what was the strange thing on the Past Shirley's knuckles. She then remembered it was blood.
"You don't have to cry! I know it will be hard but I will get over it." Will stated.
Shirley didn't notice that while remembering the end of the memory, she started to shed a few tears.
"Oh. Umm...(wipes all the tears away) Well what you said was so sad itself."
She had no idea what Will said but she just said it. She realized what a shitty friend she was at that party. She may have been drunk but the thought must've been there somewhere in her mind to say it. And she realized it was there. From the moment Rose confessed about her sexuality, unknowingly that thought made up, stayed somewhere deep and never left and was never spoken until the party itself. She didn't remember all this and Rose too didn't tell anything. She had to apologize.
"Umm, Will. Good luck there." Shirley gets out of the car to go to Rose who must've been in after-school cheerleading practice and apologize.
While Will is in the car shouts,
"Where the hell are you going?"
Shirley turns, "Have to do something with Rose."
Will gets out of the car, "What? Rose! So you are leaving me alone here to do something with Rose! That prick who abandoned us for no reason!"
"Jesus Will! What do you want me to do with this? (walks up to Will) You have a fucking crush on Troy and not me so why do you want me here?"
"Don't be ridiculous Shirls. How can you even say your name? You know that never can happen. It's impossible!"
"Why? Why is it impossible? Huh?"
Will rolled her eyes, "What Shirley? What do you mean to say?"
"You know Will. Let me make this very thing clear to you. Not only you have problems. Others have problems too. Some might have even bigger problems than you. But they don't act as helpless as you. They fight against it. Some alone and some with others. But their problem is very big. But your silly crush can't be the center of everyone's world. At least not mine. It used to be but not anymore. So why don't you shove your ass to the football field and get this over with already?"
Shirley left without even hearing anything from Will. It's good she left. Because Will had nothing to say. Shirley was right. Will was behaving as if something big is gonna happen. But it's just a confession of a crush. It was nothing that Will was making it to be. But Will didn't care about that. He was too angry and confused to care and notice that. For him, this crush got him a fight with Shirley which he never did. It was the first time they fought. And that too because of this crush. This crush was affecting him too much. He started walking towards the football field as Troy and his other friends would be there, practicing for the upcoming match.
***
The auditorium where the cheerleading practice used to be was not too far away from the parking lot. So Shirley reached there within a few minutes. Reaching there, she saw a few cheerleaders doing their practice. She searched for Rose and there she was in the middle second row because of her long height shaking her pom-pom up in the air. Not to disturb, Shirley sat on the bench near the entrance to wait.
After a few minutes, the cheerleading teacher came towards Shirley and asked, "Shirley! Came here to join again?"
"No ma'am. Cheerleading requires attention and focus and to be honest I haven't been able to focus lately on anything much."
"I thought it's November and you left in late August so you'd be here to rejoin. You were really good. And I knew you liked doing it."
"Yes ma'am. I was. And I was very much fond of it too. So how's it going without me here?"
"Oh, it's going fine. (sits down on the bench beside Shirley) We have Olivia as the leader now. She was always the second from you. And now she is so good at being a leader too. Most of the time don't have to watch what they are doing. Olivia does a fine job. But not as great as you. (Shirley chuckles) Why are you here then?"
"Ma'am... I am here to talk with Rose."
Ma'am gives her a crossed eyebrow,
"Rose? You two aren't talking since the time you left. Something happened between you two?"
Shirley sighs, "Yeah. Pretty much to resolve it."
"Well, practice is going to end soon. Catch up with you later." Ma'am left when Shirley gave her a nod.
The practice ended soon indeed and Shirley could see a confused look in Rose when she saw her there. Rose walked up to her.
"What are you doing here?"
"I am sorry." She thought to say so much other at first and not a sorry. But when Rose asked her, all she could say was sorry.
"For what?"Rose gave her a crossed brow.
"For that night. For calling you that." Shirley said with eyes down.
Rose managed to ask when she met with her eyes again, "Why now?"
"Okay(sighs) this is going to sound weird, but I remembered it now somehow."
"You're right. That does sound weird." Rose said with a smile which made Shirley chuckle.
"So you forgive me?" Shirley asked when she was done chuckling.
"(Sighs) Shirley, if I had to forgive you, I would've done it when you texted me the day after the party and talked to me the later days. But I didn't. Coming from you, all that hurt me bad. Hurt me real bad. You were my best friend. Maybe a sister but not anything else. Those things you called me, from others it would've been okay to listen but from you, it felt abrupting, disturbing. I was angry with myself. I questioned myself. I thought if my best friend is so grossed with me so I must be so wrong. Being like this is wrong. I was so depressed and that's why didn't come to school for a couple of weeks. I was so devastated. I don't know if I could forget all that for your one sorry."
"(nods in sad agreement) Okay." Shirley turns to leave.
"We could still be friends though!" Rose exclaimed loud enough for Shirley to listen.
Shirley turned and gave her a thanks look, "We can. Thanks, Rose. And I swear I'll never say anything like that to you again."
"You better not! It made me regret that I came there to soothe you back then."
"No. Now that I think, I was thankful for you to come to me. I just loaded my frustration on you. I was very happy and pleased to see you there..." she trailed.
Shirley took some time into thinking something.
Her worried face made Rose ask,
"Are you okay?"
Shirley came back to her senses and said, "Yeah, um... Rose, I have to go. Will would be needing me now. I'll text you later."
Rose asked stepping one step, "Can I come?"
Shirley thought for a second. She then realized Rose was Will's friend too. She can come.
"Okay."
***
The football field was a little far away from the parking lot. Still, Will couldn't think of what to say. He knew he had to do it sometime but he didn't think it would be this soon. He was sure to tell Troy before graduation. He was already losing Troy then so he could tell him then.
He reached to the football field and noticed Troy was sitting drinking a sports drink with his other friends.
'Great! The practice is over!"
But he couldn't just wait for the others to go. He had to get this over with.
"Hey man." Troy greeted Will when he saw him coming towards them. "It's good you showed up here. These dorks were fucking boring. Come have a drink." Troy lifted a can of Red Bull and offered him.
"Thanks but I'll pass."
"Okay then. Come sit with us." Troy shifted his perfectly well-rounded ass to give Will some space.
"No actually um... I am here to talk about something important. Troy, can you come over here for a sec?"
"Sure." Troy got up and went up to him not so far away from others. "What?"
Will was blank. Whatever he had thought of saying flew away. When he saw Troy's sweaty jersey sticking his perfect body showing his broad chest and nipples, his abs and curve of his body. He was sweaty. That was of no doubt but he was also more handsome and cuter, sexier. He was loving it. Looking at his nipples made him almost drool. And in his shorts, he saw his thighs. And nerves on them. His body was almost like a Greek God. And when he saw his face, his eyes widened. His blonde bangs were almost up to his nose. His perfect jawline looked never better since it looked whiter. Probably because of sweat.
Will was loving it. And at the same time hating himself to cannot say anything. He stood there for a while just staring at Troy. Troy also didn't ask anything. Will cannot stop himself but to think of him licking Troy's body. Even though sweaty, he didn't mind that. He wanted to lick his abs, his chest, suck and bite his nipples, hold him tightly, and wanted to kiss everywhere. His cheeks were getting red from lust but cannot do anything. He wanted to do so many things to him. Especially kiss those pink lips. His lips never looked so beautiful. He wanted his lips on Troy's. But did he got a boner there and then. He forgot everything about his dream and everything. He was so thankful to Troy who just stood there silently. And didn't move his lips.
When Troy moved his bangs up a little, Will got crazy. His bangs were up and now his entire face was revealed. He rushed forward, held his face, and kissed him deeply leaving everyone else in a gasp. Will could've sworn Troy responding positively to it. He didn't leave it. He didn't do anything. He just stood there letting Will kiss him.
Troy finally pushed him away when Parker said, "What the fuck!"
"What's wrong with you!" Troy shouted. "You take me for a fag!"
Will wanted to say something but he couldn't. Even though he expected this and prepared himself to do something, he was bedazzled after having a moment of positive response from Troy. "What's wrong with you, huh faggot?" Troy pushes Will. "How dare you kiss me, huh!" This time the push received by Troy made Will fall on the ground. He lifted him by grabbing his t-shirt and started punching him. "Taste this faggot!" Will expected some oral abuse but didn't at all expected violence. Before he knew it, he was almost unconscious from his punches. There were bruises and blood all over his face.
At this point, Troy's other friends which weren't too many dragged him out of there. As soon as they all touched him, Troy stopped abusing Will. Will fell. Will was hardly able to open his eyes from all the pain. Will didn't expect this. This reaction. At first, he thought it would be all good when Troy didn't stop kissing him. And Troy hitting him didn't even once came to his mind. After all, they were the best of friends. They used to chat daily at a fixed time. They used to wear those rings they gave each other on their birthday which coincidentally was on the same date. And when Will gave Troy the ring carved 'Best Bro', Troy gave him a genuine hug which made him happy then. Smiling on that thought, he fainted.
***
Will opened his eyes weakly to see he was on his bed in his room. There were bandages on his face and he realized he has been seen by a doctor while he was out. But when he looked in his phone which was on the table beside his bed, it was the same day but late at night.
"Hey, sweetie. You okay?" His mom said when she entered the room. Maybe to check-in.
"Yeah," Will whispered.
"Well, we are here if you need anything." His mom said and begin to close the door.
Will didn't know why he felt the urge to but, "Mom wait."
"Yes, sweetie?" His mom said.
"Sit here, will you?" He asked.
"Of course dear." His mom said sweetly and sat beside him on the bed. "What is it, sweetie?" His mom asked.
Will could easily notice the wetness formed in her eyes. He swallowed before answering, "It's been too hard for me lately, you know."
"What's been too hard sweetie?"
"Balancing things... I needed to balance things out but I couldn't."
"Well sometimes balancing is hard. It's hard for everyone."
"I don't know things, mom. I am too young to even feel such things. I am 17 and everything's already hard for me."
"Well sometimes you just have to talk to someone and you may find things already balanced and not at all hard and that you were just too stressed to look at them straight. (Will nodded at this) What is hard for you Will?"
Will sat up to which his mom nagged in worry but Will gave her an assurance nod so she was okay.
"Mom. Do you love me?"
"Of course darling. What made you question that?"
"And you love me no matter how I am?"
"Yes. That won't change ever."
"Still won't if I were to say that I am gay?"
His mom's eyes widened and she rolled her eyes. Twice. She said quietly with tears in her eyes,
"Will. There is nothing in this world that can keep me from loving you. If you're gay, it's okay. To me. I am your mother Will. You are mine and nothing; no matter what it is, it won't change that." Her mom said finally rolling her eyes and shedding a tear.
And then Will hugged her. A long loving hug. A hug that was absent for many years. They didn't hug like this even when Will won the best student of the whole middle school. Of course in academics. They needed that hug.
"So. Are you okay now?" His mother asked after having their hug.
"Yeah. A little."
"Will? (Will looked at her) Who did this to you?"
"(sighs) Troy!"
"Troy? Your best friend?" She said with a gasp.
"Yeah."
"But why?"
"I umm... Well.. uh.. kissed him maybe...." He trailed.
"So? That doesn't give him the right to do this to you. I am calling the principal right now and informing them." She demanded and got up to leave.
Will held her hand, "No mom. No, you won't."
His mom gave him a questioning look,
"Of course I will. He hurt you."
"And if we do this, we hurt him. He already has so much on him, an assault would be perfect to kick him out of the school. He'll get hurt. Then what's the difference between him and us? ( his mom nodded) Enough people have been hurt already. You, me, I am sure dad and Shirley...." He trailed.
"Shirley? Why is she hurt?" His mom asked.
"We sort of fight. (sighs) Probably won't ever talk to me again.." He again trailed.
"That's bullshit. Do you know how the principal got to know about you? (Will shook his head) They informed him. (Will's eyes widened) Yeah! While you were out, they were with me the whole time while the nurse bandaged you. They were as much as worried as I was!" His mom stated.
"They?" Will asked in confusion.
"She and Rose of course. You three are friends, right? (Will nods) You see. Fights happen. That doesn't mean your friendship is over. If it gets over a fight then was it even a friendship? (Will nods in agreement) Well. Does everything feel too hard to balance now? (Will shook his head) See. All you needed to do was just talk."
His mom kissed his hand and let go of it and went. Closed the door. And Will was alone now wondering. He lost Troy for good. But finally, now can Will focus on his studies. But can he. He freaked out Troy by kissing him. He felt guilty about it. He wanted to cry but his eyes were not ready to form up tears. Maybe they were too tired. Will felt sad.
It was then he received a text from someone. He looked at it and it was Troy.
'I got carried away.'
'I didn't mean to hurt you. I never did.'
'But even though I want it, I cannot.'
'I am sorry.'
He shredded a tear. That was all it took for Will to be happy again. What happened was him being angry with himself and that nothing was his fault. He wanted to jump. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to shout but couldn't because he didn't want to scare his parents. But he got the thing he waited for so long. Peace. With the fact that Troy felt the same and nothing was his fault. He was over Troy. He lost him and his other friends. But he had Shirley and Rose which was more than enough. Really.
He got up, went to the closet, and opened it. There was a drawer and he opened it. He looked at the ring he had which Troy gave him. Just a simple metal ring but meant a lot to him. But then at that moment, it just felt like a big weight on his ring finger. So he took it out and placed it in the drawer and closed both the drawer and the closet. Someday he may get a chance of wearing it again. Or may not. But not then. He looked at the window and had an urge to look out. He opened the window and stood there resting both his arms on the outer window frame. He stood there and stared at the moon, the stars, and the clouds. While he was constantly being hit by the wind, he was smiling. And not having any thought. Not of Troy or his dream. He just stood there. Smiling.
***