Everytime I go to sleep, it happens again. The re-occuring memory of my parents death. It was a car accident. My parents were coming from my school after I had gotten myself into a fight. The principal had called my parents up to the school because I wouldn't stop bullying the girl, and now I was suspended and grounded for two months.
I didn't mean for things to get bad - she kept eyeing my boyfriend. But now I wish I could take the whole thing back.
Everything.
Its my fault that they are dead.
I lived with my grandparents, who are pastor and first lady of my family church that I have been going to since childhood, until I got old enough to make my own decisions.
Its been three years since I have been away. And boy - you'd think that after an horrible accident like the one my parents died in that I would change-
No... Instead, things got worst for me, and here I am now, usually late for my freshman college classes due to late night partying and getting wasted.
Like today...
The alarm goes off and my blood shot eyes shoot open to see the wooded panel ceiling fan staring down on me. I groan as the chilling air brush across my moist skin. I roll over to my right side and notice 9:30am flashing in bright red before my eyes.
Damn.
I'm already fifteen minutes into my second period class and I haven't even gotten ready yet.
Oh well.
Try again next time.
I pull the sheets over my head and begin to go back to sleep, tucking the sheets under my feet to keep the cold air from seeping through. I really need to get my heat fixed. I continue to toss around under my cheep turquoise comforter when suddenly my roommate, Layla, comes barging into my bedroom.
I sigh irritatedly. "What?!" I groan. She sits beside me on my bed and pulls the comforter from over my head, and I groan irritatedly.
"Look, Valerie," she starts. I sit up and snatch my comforter from the tips of her fingers, turn over and place it over my head once again, laying down- hoping she'll take the hint.
"I know we're not friends, but you need to get up. You were doing okay first semester, but now you're just giving up. I'm finna go to class, you can ride with me if you want. My first period doesn't start til 10 and already got things to do," she finishes.
Honestly,
I'm so sick of this goodie goodie...
I remove the sheet from over my head, "I'm already late for second period." I explain to her with furrowed brows, staring at the blonde who has hope stirring up in the core of her big blue eyes- hope for me to get up.
She suddenly smiles, "Don't you have three more classes to get ready for?" Her smile turns into a grin and I freeze into a speechless glare.
I groan and throws the sheets back over my head.
"I'll be waiting down stairs," she says and I peek under the sheets and watch her with her cute fluffy white snow boots on, dark denim skinny jeans, and lace sweater, her long blonde curly hair flopping down her back as she walked away.
She closes the door behind her, and I'm still debating on whether I should actually get up.
I should've gotten a one bedroom apartment.
But with just a little hope in heart, for myself, I couldn't. I was always a loner at home, but my only social times were parties and hook ups which always stirred me the wrong way. I had more optimism for college that maybe if I surrounded myself with good decent people they would rub off on me. Which is the result of Layla.
Unfortunately things haven't changed. She has become a good nuisance, and I still drink and sleep around, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself. In her defense, she is trying. You just can't make the camel drink, and I'm that camel in this situation. Sometimes I hate that.
I get up from my bed after two minutes of pondering. I have fifteen minutes to shower and get dressed. Although, I may not act like it, I care a smidge, and I would hate to make Layla late because she cares enough to get me out of my bed of misery.
I grab my robe and bath items and head into the bathroom, strip, get inside, and I turn the shower on with my cell phone near by on the bathroom sink.
After showering I wrap inside my robe and slip on my sandals. I walk out of the bathroom and into my room, headed towards my closet. I shuffle around in my clothes for a cute outfit. Then my eyes rest on a cute red skin snug sweater. I find some royal blue skinny jeans and I grab my khaki, cotton-filled, snow boots, and I walk toward my dresser and pull out some black lingerie and put it on.
I put on a pair of some holiday reindeer socks I got this pass Christmas from my Auntie Charlotte and my boots, once I put on my entire outfit.
*Buzz**Buzz*
Hm?
I walk into the bathroom and I snatch my phone from the sink counter.
It's Layla calling. "I'm on my way down."
"Just making sure. Toodles," she says from the other line and I roll my eyes.
I grab my Michael Khore purse from my vanity dresser and drop my phone inside before heading out.
I find Layla parked outside with her scarf wrapped over her mouth on her cell. Her big blue beanie practically covering her eyes, and her thick white fur coat on as an extra layer. Wow. Talk about prepared. "Kay, bye babe. I'll see you." She says hanging up.
"You look extra warm." I tell her as I buckle in.
"Thanks." She smiles and I return a smile as I'm settle in the car.
Once making it to campus my first stop ends up being the track field where my little friend should be by now.
I stand in the far distance as I watch the track runners all bundled standing in a crowd as their coach speaks to them.
I wonder if I can spot Kyle.
I skim my eyes through the group of trackers hoping I spot him.
There he is, staring at me with those adorable doe brown eyes of his. My gaze shifts to his wide anticipating grin. He waves at me.
I wave back at him and I wait near the bleachers for him.
The meeting finally ends and the group scatters away. Kyle approaches me with a welcoming smile and those warm brown eyes.
A seductive smile lingers across my lips as he's now at kissable reach.
"Last night," he breathes.
"Was perfect," I nod, finishing his sentence.
He pulls me close and presses his lips against mine, placing his gloved hands on either side of my face.
He then pulls away.
"I woke up and you were gone... why?" He firmly inquires, staring attentively into my brown eyes with his.
Oh uhh.
Of course he asks me that. I ponder quickly for the right words, "I had to get up early- didn't want to wake you," I lie with a reassuring smile.
He's not buying it. His lips sink into a frown, as his eyes flicker in sudden worry. "What are we doing, Valerie, tell me." He says.
I look away and sigh, unsure of how to honestly tell him, but my gaze drifts back up to his, and I part my lips, "it's not suppose to be more than a good time, Kyle, you know this." I tell him in a careful tone, watching his reaction.
He takes a step back in bewilderment, "You serious?- As long as we've been spending time together?? You met my parents, Val." He exclaims and I gulp inaudibly.
"I didn't mean for it to get that far," I attempt to explain, and he narrows his eyes at me, but then sighs frustratedly.
"It's because I said that I love you last night, isn't it?" He asks and I lower my gaze.
Honestly, it is the reason, and it's something that I really don't want right now. I don't want a relationship, and he's not the only guy I've been talking to. But I do like him he's fun and very entertaining. I just-
"I like you, Kyle- I-do. I like spending time with you and everything, but that's it. All this romance and love shit- I'm not that type of girl."
He nods, jaws clinched as his gaze is now far off from mine. "You're just the slut type. Ok." Kyle shakes his head disapprovingly and walks away, leaving me in the distance feeling a bit guilty and very much ashamed.
Now, I feel bad. I could have strung him along for a little while longer. I pull my phone from my purse to check the time. Its 10:30... I need to get to class.
Ugh.. I forgot my books!
Next time I'm taking my own car...