There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying. - Sarah Dessen
I didn't know the day, nor hour. I just knew that I'd been in this metal drum for a while now.
I wanted to go home, be wrapped up in my cozy blanket, watching movies with Dwight.
My breathing was now laboured. I knew the time I had left here was limited. I wish I'd gotten the chance to tell my friends, the love of my life and family, that I loved them, that I wished them all the happiness in the word and that they should not be sad.
I rested my head on the side, wondering where I went wrong. What could I have done to change this situation. What could I have said differently.
This was my fault, if I hadn't let my guard down I wouldn't be here. If I had just been more careful, looked at the signs that were in front of me.
I relied so heavily on the restraining order, I thought it could and would protect me... protect me from him.
I thought at least it wouldve kept him away from me. I was so foolish. I should've known better, I've known him for so long, I knew everything he was capable of. I should've known that nothing was going to stop him.
Maybe, just maybe, things could've have been different.
I ran my index finger along a bump in the side of the drum. My fingers peeling off the chip of paint that was coating the surface.
Sweat and blood dripped from my forehead. Heat, I got hot and my body didn't like that. Perspiration soaking my clothes, which was starting to stick to my skin, I felt clammy.
I darted my tongue out to lick edges of my dried...cracked lips. Pain radiated from a small area, when my tongue went across my bottom lip.
I reached up to touch my lips, I ran my fingers gently over them. Hills and valleys, highs and lows. They were so badly cracked, the skin started to peel in big chucks, forming very large peaks.
I looked down at my legs, crushed against my chest so tight, I no longer felt anything below my waist. I tried moving my toes, a tingling sensation took over. I stopped immediately.
I gasped out aloud, feeling an immense pain in my back. I tried to shift, hoping it would cease, my efforts proved futile. The more I moved, the greater the intensity of the pain. I gave up and reclaimed the spot I was previously in.
I was now immobile, stuck in a sitting position. I would be forever resting. My hands were still bound and the binds had dug so much into my skin, I was now looking at raw flesh.
I sighed in defeat, no one was coming for me. I wanted to believe that - Dwight, my friends, the police, someone must have found out that I was missing.
How would they find me, I was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by, dry land, shrubs and rocks.
A distant memory flashed before me. I was leaving a Chinese restaurant and just as the hostess passed me, she uttered.
"Time doesn't heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go."
I was a bit baffled, I didn't know that the pain I was going through, someone else saw it. I raced home to google that line. Found it was written by Roy Bennett.
Took me a while before I got the courage, but I did just as she said, let go and....I never looked back.
My subconscious tried to comfort me, taking me back to when I had met Dwight for the first time.
He looked so handsome, we talked for hours..about any and everything. I felt like I had known him forever.
I felt completely at home with him, I thanked God that night for sending someone in my life to make me laugh again. He helped me to love myself again, helped me to understand that in order to move forward, you must let go of the past.
I did just that and I was happy again. I had found my knight in shining armor, one whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
A smile radiated from my face, remembering that sweet memory. I wanted it to be stuck on repeat, forever playing. Never missing a second.
I guess...I was never suppose to have that. If I never see him again, I'm thankful for the many moments that we shared and the memories we created together. It brought a calm to my rapidly beating heart.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Listening for a sound, any sound. Nothing, just the wind.
A song comes to my mind, I open my mouth to sing the words, but they never left my lips.
My body doesn't want to use the last of its energy to sing. Determined I tried again.
"I keep fighting v-."
I was cut off by the howling of a coyote near by, another howl rang out into the night, followed by a few more. It sounded as if they were close by, just a few feet from my site.
I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids didn't budge. Glued to the position they currently hold.
I tried to conjure up the song once more. For a fleeting moment I got a sudden tiny burst of energy, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared.
A little flicker of hope sparked in my chest, blooming like a flower in spring.
I wanted to be tough in this moment, not to give up, but my body wouldn't let me, it was telling me that, this is it.
I had to fight to stay alive, just a bit longer, my heart knew someone was coming for me, but my brain said otherwise.
My hands went limp on my knees, falling to my side.
I just wanted my happy ending.
My last breathe leaving my body.
°°°°°
"I'm coming baby, just hang on for a little bit more. Turn on this road. Please God let her be alive."
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