Communication must be HOT-Honest, Open and Two-Way.- Dan Oswald
At exactly 7:00 pm, there was a knock on my door. I got up from the couch and walked over to the door, I rubbed my hands together, trying to calm my nerves.
I opened the door and in front of me stood, Matthew Gwep; website developer, CEO of Gwep's Developments, six feet two inches tall chocolate man, lean body with broad shoulders and warm brown eyes. Well they were once warm, now they're just dull and dark.
He stared down at me, looking like he's ready to punch and strangle me, the sides of his mouth then twitch upwards. He leaned down to kiss my lips. His lips touched mine, so cold and uninviting. I kissed him back as a sense of duty, not because I wanted to.
His hands trailed up to my shoulders then to my face where he cupped my cheeks. He pulled back and looked at me, trying to search my eyes for the answers he seeked. He kissed my lips again. I pulled away this time.
"I missed you, so much." He said.
I hesitated in giving him a response. "Miss you too." I said too quickly. His left brow raised.
"Come in, we need to talk."
He stepped through the door and walked towards the couch. I closed the door and followed him.
"Matthew, you must be wondering why I wanted to have a talk."
"You're not pregnant, are you?" He asked. Shocked at his question it throws me off loop for a second, then I regained my composure.
"No" eyeing him suspiciously. " Why would you think that?" I asked him, knowing that we've been extremely careful.
"Nothing, never mind. You were saying" He says way too quickly.
"Matthew, where do you see this relationship a year from now?"
"I see us getting married and starting our family, why?"
Ugh, I didn't know how to say this, "I don't see that, not with you."
"WHAT?!" He shouted so loud, I jumped from where I was sitting.
"What the hell do you mean, you don't see that? This is what I was talking about. You love to play games. You love playing mind games with me Amelia."
Blame game began, I answered. "I'm not playing games with you Matthew, I don't see us together a year from now. We argue so much it makes my head hurt, plus it makes me depressed. I don't want a relationship where I have to be constantly wondering if I say this, will he be offended? if I act this way, will he get mad?"
I looked at him and turned away slightly. Uncomfortable in his presence. When did it get to this stage. We were happy in the beginning. I continue.
"I dont want to be in a bubble, I wanna be me. I want you to want me, for me. Stop bringing up our past, let it go. I want us, to build us. We don't do that, you get so upset over the smallest detail and I can't take it anymore. I want something real. This doesn't feel real. I don't feel the connection like I do wi-."
I stopped immediately knowing what I was about to say. I looked up at him and he's no longer on the couch. He was now standing over me.
"What do you want from me Amelia?"
"I wanna be happy and you're not doing that right now. I'm very unhappy, I suggest things on how we can build this relationship together and you say I'm talking to you, as if I'm speaking to my child. We wanted to give this relationship another shot. Let it go. Let the past go, let the anger go Matthew. Let it go. We can't move forward if you keep holding on to the past and trying to argue about everything"
"I brought it up Amelia because you keep doing the same over and over again."
I'm extremely pissed now, I get up and we stand face to chest. I looked up into his eyes and asked, "Matthew, why don't blame me for everything?"
"You always play the victim Amelia. ALWAYS. You know what-" he stopped mid sentence, as if he was battling his emotions to get the words out.
I shaked my head and walked away, "This is never gonna end is it? You turning everything around on me? Me not being the perfect girlfriend? Me not being the one that jumps, when you say jump. I will never do that. I loved you Matthew, I would've gone to hell and back for you. I really wanted it to really work this time, but I gave up on us, I'm finished. We're finished, please leave." I waved my right hand in the air.
He shaked his head, took a step towards my door, "You know what?" He turned to me.
"I was right, you were just playing me this whole time. Everything you did to me, I hope it falls back on you. What you are looking for I hope you never find it, and I hope that the man you want and love will never want you nor love you back, you fucking bitch. Fuck you." with that, he left and slammed my door.
I started to cry, I walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I completely broke down. Face in my hands, elbows on my knees. Years of emotional manipulation from him, it felt like the world was off my shoulders, I felt so light. I crawled to the middle of my bed, curled into a fetus position and bawled my eyes out.
Once I was finished, reality struck, I was now single, and I felt naked, completely naked. I started to hyperventilate, I got up trying to take big deep breaths. My subconscious kicked into overdrive.
Calm the hell down Amelia, this is what you wanted. If someone loves you, they don't play with your emotions and that's what he did. Pick yourelf up and move on with your life. Your other half is out there, he may be closer than you think.
Instantly my mind went to Dwight. I sent him a quick message.
Me: Please don't call, we finally had the talk and I broke up with him. He said some horrible things to me. I really wish you were here, I need your shoulder to cry on.
I waited but he didn't reply instantly, a few minutes passed then my phone dinged. I clicked on his message so fast.
Dwight: Wipe away those tears. He's a fool. He's out of your life now, you get to move on, be happy. Allow yourself those things Lia. You have a right, just like anyone else to be happy. I'll give you some time to yourself.
Yes I do. I deserve to be HAPPY.
Dwight: I'll pick you up on Saturday, wear something comfortable. Have a good night beautiful, sweet dreams. I'll check on you tomorrow.
I didn't bother to reply. I called Fiona instead.
"Hey, what's up? Did you guys have the talk?"
"Hey, yes we did. I broke up with him." My head started to pound really bad. I continued.
"I'll call you tomorrow and tell you the details."
"Ok, but how are you feeling?" She asked, the concern in her voice.
"Like I made the right choice."
"Happy to hear, you know your happiness is one of the many things I care about. You're my best friend I want you to be happy. Don't worry he's out there. Please remember to cal-"
"Fi?"
"Gotta go babe, Dom just walked in with only a sock on and it's not on his foot. He's at attention right now. Later babe, love you."
"Love you-" I started to say.
"Sir yes sir," she said, click.
"Too."
I crawled into my bed and put my phone on my nightstand. Sent a silent prayer asking God to give me strength to move on with my life.
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