I walked into the kitchen where Jessica and Dashaun were sitting. They were playing Blackjack. 2 weeks ago I found out that Jessica and him were dating. Now I can't get the guy out of my house. He did not come over this much when we were friends. So much for bros before hoes.
I went into the fridge to get a soda. They were just over there having a grand old time. Laughing and giggling. I started to feel like I did not want to learn the truth of their relationship if this is what I had to deal with every damn Saturday.
"You think you know a guy." I said under my breath as I walked out of the kitchen. I went to the living room. I was not going to let those two have me a prisoner in my room. I was glad they were having fun, really. Do I wish things happened differently? Yeah, of course. I lost my best friend and a good friend. Right now I was alone. I had no one to hangout with. I was not going to sit around and whine about it.
"I'll see you later, Jess." Dashaun said.
"Do you have to go?" Jessica said. "Dinner is already ready."
"Yea. I would stay, but my mom is taking me out to eat again. Something for her job."
"Alright. I'll call you tonight then."
Then they kissed. I'm watching this all while I'm at the dinner table. They knew exactly what they were doing. Scumbags.
"Bye." Jessica said.
"Talk to you later." Dashaun responded. He looked at me. I saw a little smirk on his face. This guy still doesn't know he's being played.. Pitiful.
Once Dashaun left, Jessica came and sat in her usual seat. Mom sat the plates around the dinner table. We were having chicken, mashed potatoes, and string beans.
The dinner started slow. No one said anything. I wanted to eat fast and leave. That's what I've been doing for the last two months. I don't want to look at Jessica for two long.
"Hey Jessica." My mom said. "How are things?"
"Things are wonderful, Sarah" Jessica responded.
"I see you and Dashaun are still going at it. Is it serious yet?"
Why the hell do I have to listen to this crap?
"Yea. Kind of. I'm not sure yet." Jessica responded.
I snickered. Jessica heard me and glared a bit. I found that whole relationship a joke.
"Ray, I heard you're getting recruited. By who?" My dad asked.
Finally a question I liked to hear. It's true I was getting recruited by schools from my work in the previous season. I was pretty proud of myself.
"I'm getting recruited by WPI, RPI, Fordham, and Rutgers. You know this Dad." I said.
"Yea. Just wanted to see if it was someone new. Any commitments?"
"Adam is going to Louisville. Full scholarship. Ricardo not yet."
"I meant you, son."
"Oh. Not yet."
"What a surprise." Jessica said under her breath. I ignored it.
"You still have senior year. There's no rush." my mom said.
"He can't make a decision anyway." Jessica said. Another smart remark that my parents did not know about.
"At least when I do, I'll stay committed." I said taking a shot back at her.
"You should choose before they decommit from you."
"For some reason I think they will still be looking at me."
Jessica then got up and left the kitchen and went upstairs to her room.
"What was that about?" My mom asked me.
"I guess she's done eating." I answered.
"Is there something wrong with you two? My dad joined in. "You guys are not the same."
"Nothing is wrong. We're fine."
I finished my plate of food. "Thanks mom." I then went to my room before my parents asked any more questions. I guess lying about this stuff is okay when it is convenient to you.
I sat in my room for a couple minutes. Suddenly my door burst open and was closed just as fast.
"What the hell were you doing down there?" Jessica asked.
"Nothing. You were the one who started it." I responded.
"Whatever. I don't like you no more, Ray. I'm over it all. And Dashaun and I are happy. And I'm faithful to him for your information."
"I highly doubt that. On both accounts."
"What are you trying to say?"
"That you still like me. If you didn't you would not have caused a scene down there. You're also using Dashaun to make me jealous. You just surprised it's taking so long. You ain't expect to date him so long."
"You're so stupid, Ray. It seems you've thought about this a lot. Now who is fooling themselves? First, If it was to make you jealous, I would not have hidden the relationship from you."
She had a point there. She would not have hidden it from me for so long. Still I think I'm right. She's very smart. She has a plan.
"And I do lo…like Dashaun very much. I'm not using him for anything." I heard the stutter. She's not a good liar.
'Well. I'm going to use one of your tactics." I said.
"What now." she said.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't like me?"
She thought for a moment. "I don't have to." She finally said. "I know the truth. All the truth." Then she opened the door.
"Have fun on April 3rd." I said. Was that a smart move? Let's see.
She stopped and turned around. "How do you..whatever. I will. I'll have a great time." She turned and left out.
I guess she assumed Dashaun told me. Whatever. I knew she was not going to go through with it. She's just not that type of person. Then again she might want to get back at me. A woman is capable of anything when you cross them.
For some reason something was not sitting right with me. I kept saying I did not care, but there's been a pit in the center of my chest that I could not get rid of. My best friend is gone and a friend I made was gone. I knew I was alone, but now it really started to sink in. I'm alone.
I got up and walked downstairs. My parents were still sitting at the table.
"Why did you guys do this?" I started. "Why did you guys bring her here?"
"What? Are you back with this?" My dad said.
"What happened?" My mom asked.
"Back with this?! It never ended. You guys just do whatever you want without thinking about me."
"You're the one we think about most." My mom said.
"That's crap!" I yelled.
"Raymond. I do not know what is wrong with you, but if you yell at your mother again you're going to wish you didn't." My dad said. Quiet, but threatening.
I looked at them. My mom looked said. My dad was upset. This was the same cycle. Jessica was right. I'm not talking to them. They will not hear me like this. A tear ran down my left eye. I've been so confused for so long. I just need them to listen to me this one time. I just need someone to listen to me right now. This damn pit was not going away. I want to be heard. I may be "mad" at Jessica, but I will listen to her words. I took a deep breath and wiped the tears away.
"I'm sorry." I told my mom. "But I do not think you guys have listened to me once for my whole life. Just hear me right now."
They looked at me confused. My dad was about to say something, but my mom interrupted.
"Okay. What is on your mind." Thank you, mom.
"For so long I've thought you two hated me. Just the amount of random things you made me do for my whole childhood. You guys said it was to improve my life, but I never felt that way. I always felt so distant from others. My friends never did the things I did. I just thought why am I here? Why am I not enjoying life with my friends? Not once did you two ask how I felt about what you did. Not once. You just did them and said that was great.
I know the things I did were supposed to be good, but I just wanted to be asked at least. Given a choice. A voice. I know you guys allowed me to play basketball and do BMX and I appreciate that. But when it comes to things like a whole person entering my life can I at least be asked? That's all I want. Is to have my voice and be heard."
They were quiet. I was quiet too. That was all I had to say. If this did not work then I just had to wait two more years for my freedom and go to college. But I feel like this was the right choice.
My dad looked up at me. "Okay. We will start to ask you. We did not know you hurt this much about it."
"We just thought you were being a rebellious teen." My mom said. "But it seems you've been feeling like this for so long. I'm sorry."
"I have. But someone said I wasn't trying to be heard. And today I finally understood what they meant." I said.
"We still think these things are good for you, Ray." My dad said.
"I know. But give me the chance to say no and hear my reason. I might do some, but not asking and throwing me into just did not feel right to me."
"I guess we were going overboard at times. We do love you, Ray. Remember that." My dad said.
"I know. Thank you for listening."
My mother got up and hugged me. It was so warm. I think they finally listened. Do I expect instant change? Not really. But I do think they will ask me and not just force me. Which is a step up.
I left the kitchen and went upstairs. The pit in the center of my chest eased up. I could breathe a bit more. How did I even get to the point of talking to my parents about that? It seems so random now that I think about it.
I got to the top and looked at the door across from me. Oh yeah. Her. I walked over to her door and put my hand up to knock. I wanted to thank her. She truly did help me with her words. Before I blew up she was the one I thought of. It was her. And that made me happy. I think I do…
I stopped before I knocked. This. I can't do this. The pit was lighter, but still there. Some hurdles I just couldn't get over.