"Your effort will never matter to a person who doesn't care about you."
• • •
Shooting up from the bed, my heavy breathing and the thudding of my heart seemed to be the only sounds made in the quiet room.
Memories of that night filled my mind, my vision clouded up as I tried to erase everything.
Looking over to the side, I noticed that Willow was still asleep, curled into a ball as she hugged one of her throw pillows tightly against her chest.
Seeming to not be able to shake this weird feeling off, I moved to the bathroom. Reaching over to the door I opened it before closing the door behind me.
I felt like I was suffocating in my own mind and thoughts. I couldn't breath properly and it was starting to get on my nerves.
Rushing over to the sink, I turned on the tap, splashing water onto my face. I then proceeded to hold tightly to the sink's edges as I looked at the water fall and go down the sewer.
I could feel the water sliding down my face, tickling at my skin, but I made no move to remove the droplets off my face.
I didn't want to look up, I was too scared to see what was on the other side. Even with the fear I was feeling, I lifted my head up and let my eyes wander anywhere, but in front of me.
Closing my eyes, I shook my head as I took in a deep breath. Opening my eyes I stared ahead of me.
And what I saw was something I didn't like. All I saw was a killer. A murderer. Someone who was to blame for their own best friends death.
It was someone I didn't want to be, yet I didn't get to decide who I was, that was long gone, I got myself into this mess and there was no way I would be getting out of this.
I felt like shit, and it wasn't just the guilt that was eating me up, but the headache forming after the night out.
It was weird of me to have a hangover as I've never had one that is until now. And I now understand what it was that people felt around me the day after drinking the night away.
Opening the mirror, I looked over the things the owner of this room had. My eyes scanned through the bottles of lotion, perfume, deodorant, and finally I was met with the medicine.
Staring directly at the Advil, I grabbed it before taking two pills and popping them into my mouth swallowing them dry.
Rubbing two fingers on either side of my head to soothe it, I returned the drugs back to the cabinet, closing the mirror, and finally turning off the sink.
Even after all those visits to the doctor, it didn't seem to work as much as dancing, cheerleading did. And not being able, not wanting to join the cheerleading team because of some stupid crisis of finding myself, it was ruining me.
Both physically and emotionally. It was affecting my sleep, my everyday life.
I would've prevented all of this from happening in high school, but all that was important in a teenagers life was popularity so I followed what others did, not wanting to stand out and seem weird.
And here I am now. Stuck in a bathroom, with a bitch of a headache and trouble breathing.
After a couple of minutes, I managed to control myself, so I got ready to head out as soon as I heard the sound of Willow's alarm clock.
She probably forgot that today was Saturday.
Opening the door, surprisingly I noticed the black haired girl sitting up on her bed, rubbing away the sleep from her eyes as she seemed out of it.
At hearing the click of the door, her attention turned to me, at first I saw fear pass through her eyes before confusion etched on her face,
"Blair? What are you doing here?"
Her voice was groggy.
"I stayed the night, hopefully that's okay with you," I told her, walking closer to the bed.
"No, no, it's totally fine," sliding both her hands down her face she looked towards her clock as she pushed the silence button.
"Forgot to turn it off?" I question with a teasing tone.
"Actually no," she began making me act like a proud mother as I wipe the fake tears, rolling her eyes she continued,
"The girls want to go to the fair today," grunting she threw herself back into her bed, "Fuck, I don't want to."
Laughing at her torture, I myself launched myself onto her bed next to her, "Better luck next time, Daniela can be quite... convincing."
Thinking back to the time she made me go with her to a 'Disgusting Food Museum,' I remember how excited she was while I was purely disgusted just at the thought of it.
Shuddering at the memory of the multiple disturbing foods that were presented at the place, I turned to look at Willow,
"At least you'll get to enjoy your day without having the feeling of your breakfast coming right back up."
Willow gave me a look of question before she shook her head, "I don't want to know, refrain yourself from ever reminding Daniela though."
"No promises," an evil grin covered my lips as I stared up at the ceiling.
"I hate you," she muttered besides me, bringing a pillow to her face as she repeatedly hit her face.
"Wow there Willow, we don't want yourself to get hurt now would we?" I told her, as I tried to get the pillow away from her grasp.
Stopping her self harm she looked me dead in the eyes, "Yeah, I'm gonna get hurt with a pillow," the sarcasm in her voice was evidently there.
"I mean I wouldn't get it past you," I shrugged as I ripped the pillow off her hands and I watched as she pouted.
"Anything would be better than going to the fair," she groaned.
"What's so bad about going to the fair?" I asked her, I mean the fair was quite fun if you actually enjoyed the day.
"Daniela makes us go to every single ride," was her vogue reply.
"And what's so wrong with that?" I questioned her even more confused, why else would someone go to a fair if not to get on the rides?
Willow stared up at the ceiling as she thought about it to herself, as if thinking into telling me, though I had an idea of why she didn't like to go.
"You're scared of heights," I didn't ask her, I stated it, making her raise her eyebrows my way.
"Do I make it that obvious?"
"No."
"Then?" Willow raised an awaiting eyebrow as she gave me an expecting look.
"Well," I began, "for starters I'm pretty sure your going to the fair that is located on a mountain, literally, and then there's mostly roller coasters there."
"You've been there?"
"Yeah, my parents took me with them on their business trip four years ago and decided to stop at the fair for a break before going home," I explained, smiling at the memory.
Elijah and I had been laughing and smiling throughout the day as we went on every single ride, our parents would bring the 'I'm too tired' card so they mostly sat and ate talking about even more work.
Yeah I know, what a break.
"Guess who else is invited?" She suddenly said into the comfortable silence that had enveloped us, nudging her shoulder with my own.
"Who?" I asked.
"Yesterday night she called to ask me if I had seen you and so seeing as I hadn't, she said that you weren't answering your phone and that she wanted to invite you to the fair with us," Willow told me,
"And so she said that once I saw you if I did than to tell you that your going and that you can't find an excuse as you already didn't answer her phone calls and she'll get mad at you for not going."
Scrunching my eyebrows at how much this girl had said, I shook my head as I said, "Ah, blackmail."
Though I was very confused about the phone calls, I didn't get any that I'm aware of all except Axel's, it could have been while Jayden and I were at the diner.
Willow passed me a pleading look and even went all the way to going on her knees and begging, "Please, please, please! Common Blair, don't let me go alone with that, that monster."
Chuckling at the term she used for Daniela I then rolled my eyes, "All right, all right," I told her, "Just stand up already."
In a quick second she was up on her feet although they didn't seem to be working properly this fine morning as she stumbled on both her feet and fell face first onto the bed.
I bursted out laughing at her pain as she bounced off the bed and fell to her back on the ground, "I think I might just have a concussion here, all the while you're laughing," she accused.
"Oh your fine," I laughed.
"And how would you know, are you a certified doctor by any chance?" Sitting up she glared at me, rubbing the back of her head.
"No, but you seem fine to me," I shrug finally able to calm myself down as my stomach was starting to ache after all that laughter.
"For all you know it could be internal bleeding," frowning she held her head as if it were to fall off at any moment,
"I could be dying," widening her eyes at her words she gave me a scared look.
Moving over to her, I put both my hands on her shoulders to stop her from panicking fully,
"Willow, you're fine," I finalized, "you didn't hit your head that hard."
"Well it hurts like a bitch," she muttered, still holding onto it tightly as if that would help it feel better, which it probably would, although I think she might have hit it a little too hard.
I'm sure she'll be fine.
Shrugging I said, "Well then you should start on some walking lessons if you want to survive," biting my lip to contain my laughter it all went downhill when I saw the glare.
"Ha ha ha, so funny. Look at how hard I'm laughing," she gave me a dry look as she helped herself off the floor.
"Okay, now you just ruined it," I deadpanned, crossing my arms over my chest as I plopped on her desk chair.
"I'm sorry that I didn't find me getting hurt hilarious," she so dramatically said.
"Well, if you put it that way, I guess it was wrong of me to laugh at you while you were sucked onto the floor," I teased her, "don't worry it happens to the most of us."
Huffing a breath she herself crossed her arms as she leaned against the wall opposite her desk, that was right next to the small living room she had,
"I couldn't do anything, my legs just gave up on me."
"You and your legs should try therapy then, wouldn't want you falling like that in public," I joked, "Now how embarrassing would that be?"
The girl in front of me scowled, "Fuck you."
"No thanks, I know I haven't told you this, but," leaning forward as if I were about to tell her a secret I whispered loud enough for her to hear,
"I don't swing that way. I know what a bummer."
"Who let you in again?"
"Myself of course, with the same key you gave me," I reminded her.
"Yeah?" She asked, I nodded, "how about you leave the way you came, huh how does that sound to you?"
Pursing my lips in thought I shook my head, "Doesn't sound too interesting, do you have any other suggestions for me?"
A growl escaped Willow's mouth as she looked ahead to the window behind me, "Please give me strength for me not to kill her this instant."
"Seriously?" I tell her, "first you want me to go to the fair because you don't want to go without me and now you want me gone, just make up your mind girl, I can't be in two places at a time."
Sighing she said, "How about this, you go to your dorm, get dressed and then we both meet up downstairs in the lobby."
Nodding I stood up off of the chair, and started waltzing towards the door, turning around last minute as I held onto the open door I gave her a pointed look,
"Don't take too long, I want to get over and done for with this day as much as you."
Closing the door behind me before she could reply, I walked down the hallway to the elevator not too far. As I clicked on the button the metal doors immediately opened and I made my way inside.
Once again pressing down onto the eleventh floor I felt as the elevator moved, looking down at my bare feet to busy myself, I remembered how I was still wearing last nights clothes and I had completely forgotten about my shoes in Willow's room.
I'll just get them later.
As the lift came to a stop, the doors opened to reveal a silent hallway and as I stepped out of the elevator I remembered the reason why I had to stay the night at Willow's in the first place.
Getting to the door, I hesitated, too scared to see what was on the other side of the same wooden door that stood in front of me as I held the key card close.
Finally sliding the card on the door, it clicked signaling it was open and I pushed it open. As soon as I did, I saw a sprawled Isabella on her bed, hair disheveled and snoring as Trevor laid beside her.
Scrunching my nose in distaste at the sight in front of me, I closed the door behind me before quietly making my way to the closet without trying to touch anything I thought was touched and make noise.
Getting in front of the door to the closet, I used the material of my top to open the door, and close it behind me.
Leaning against the door, I told myself how proud I was of myself for not touching a single thing, though I still needed a shower ASAP.