"TUZ TUZ TUZ" oh my God, what is that noise? "TUZ TUZ TUZ" oh pleases stops. I starch my hand to close the loud alarm. I touch some things randomly and thank God it stops. I picked my phone to see what day it is. My head is blowing from this huge hangover.
It was Monday. It has been three days now. "TUZ TUZ TUZ" are you kidding me, snooze? I starch again to shut it off but the thing won't quit. "TUZ TUZ TUZ" it shouts again. "Shut up" I yelled and throw the damn thing out of the window. It breaks the glasses making a huge noise. Yes, that's exactly what I need, let's all make noises shall we?
And that wasn't even the worst part, now that the window is broken the light enter the room. Why doesn't the universe want me to sleep this day so bad? I stand up to close the curtain but I stopped to hear well. There are footsteps on the stairs. I closed the curtain but I had to run to the toilet because I was throwing up. I finished and sit on the bathroom floor.
Today is the funeral. He wouldn't want me to go right? I pulled his hoodie closer to smell it but it smells like vomit. I am so stupid. I just ruined the only thing that smells like my father. I am so stupid. My tears came up again.
"Marceline, are you okay?" Abby said. This is the last thing I want, the whole family gathering in my door. "Baby open the door" mom added. If I shut up, maybe they will get it and go away.
"Marceline can you hear me, oh God, please the door baby" my mom asked again. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I open my mouth but words won't come out. My tears were just going down my cheeks. "Khalid break the door" my mom demanded. Wait no they can't do that.
I ran to the door and opened it but it was then I remembered about the tequila and cocaine. I closed it again and "in a minute" I shout. I hide the coke in the bath tank for now with the tequila bottle. This place smells like cocaine. And looked in the mirror, there is a huge black circle around my eyes. I change my cloth into zil's hoodie and spired some perfume for the room.
"Marsi what are you doing in there" my mom asked. "I said in a minute" I yelled again. Since the death, I was speaking to her in disrespect. I think I just had enough of her bossing me around. Or just lost the tiny patient I had.
This room is not going to smell better for hours so I will just go downstairs with them. I opened the door and went out before closing it from my behind. "Why aren't you letting us see inside?" my mom asked.
I smiled and said, "it smells a little bad now, it was closed for days". I looked at Khalid and he gave me a weak smile. "It's okay let's open it now" my mom protests.
"No mom lets go downstairs and eat breakfast and let it have some air" Khalid took her downstairs. Thank god the hoodie and my hair covers my face so they won't see it clearly. I went downstairs and took a cup of coffee before I head back to my room. Khalid stops mom before she says anything.
I sit on my bed and took a sip of the coffee. Khalid came to my room with a plate in his hand. "I don't want to eat" I told him.
"It's okay cause this is for me, I want to eat breakfast with my sister" he smiled.
I roll my eyes; why on the earth will he want that now. "You have two sisters if you didn't notice" I remind him.
He sits next to me and starts eating his food. He looks at me and took another bite of the sandwich. "How is the hangover" he asked and took another bit. Oh my God, tell me I am hearing things. He looked at me again with "I am waiting for an answer" look. I bet I look like I saw a ghost.
"What hangover?" I said with confidence. "Oh little sister, you really think I don't know coke when I smell it?" he said still smiling. He offered me a sandwich and I took it cause I was scared. I took a bit and he is still looking at me.
"Finish the sandwich, it will help" I ate the whole thing faster. I don't know what he is going to do.
"Look marsi, it's okay. You needed something for the pain. I would like it better if you came to me instead; I am not going to yell at you or anything. I know that will push you further. Let this be a onetime thing okay? Drugs won't make the pain go away. Sure it will make you feel good for now but once you are sober it all comes back with a hangover added." I am speechless now.
"Now just tell me where you get it from" he added still smiling. I know he will make problems if I told him the truth so I have to lie. "I stole it from Jordan" I replied.
"Jordan takes coke?" okay if I say yes, he won't let me go there now. Think fast Marceline.
"eeeh no" that was dumb. "So?" he sighs. "I take it at a party I went with Jordan before they saw me" I replied.
"Do you expect me to believe that?" I kind of did. Why not? People do that.
"Are you saying I lied?" I raised my eyebrow. "Of course not, I trust you" he replied fast. That's better. "So do you promise me you will not do it again?" He asked.
"I promise, next time I will come to you big bro" I hugged him and added, "thank you so much". He hugged me back.
"Anytime, I will not forgive myself if anything happens to you. You are my responsibility now okay. Please come to me about anything". Now I know this is the sweetest thing a brother can say, but I felt like someone punched me in the heart.
I pull back and yell "what?" He looks confused. "Your responsibility? What does that mean? You think I am a burden you have to carry?" I looked at him.
"No, I meant that now dad..."
"Now that dad is what? Gone? Dead? You think that now I don't have a father I am your responsibility? You think dad was controlling me this all time? I can't believe you. I thought I at least have you now, someone who will understand. But I am sorry but I have to break it to you, I am not anyone's responsibility okay. Feel free to eat breakfast with your other sister cause she is just your sister and not your responsibility." I yelled. What is wrong with everyone? Why do I keep yelling at people?
I slept on my bed tears coming out of my eye. I wished he was here, he will know what to say. They all went to the funeral without nagging me. I was waiting for my mom to drag me there since she was so upset when I told her I am not going unless she drags me, but I guess Khalid told her not to.
So I went downstairs to get aspirin. "Hey" I heard a voice.
"JESUS" I jump up. And guess who it was, I rolled my eyes on the bright dimple smile in front of me.
"Zil you should really stop scaring me" I said. I have to be honest, seeing his smile and knowing his presence makes me feel less lonely. He just nods simply and looks down at the floor. I went and gave him a hug.
"I am so sorry" he hugged me back tight. Tears fell out of my eyes on that.
"I am so sorry" he whispered again. At least I have zil after all. I feel a little better that I realized that. Zil pulled away with tears filling his eyes. He wipes it but he couldn't hold it back.
"I am so sorry, this isn't fair at all" he added. We took a sit on the couch.
"He was like a father to me" he said. "I know" I smiled and hold his hand.
"I am sorry, I should make you feel better not make you cry. I just couldn't..." he wipes his tear. "It's okay, and your presence makes me feel better it okay zil I understand."
"So where is everyone?" he asked trying to change the topic. "Went to the funeral" I told him.
"And why aren't you there?" he asked looking at me this time.
"I didn't want people telling me it's okay" I gasped.
"I understand, those people don't know him as we do. They don't know how it is going to be without him." when I hear those words, I left something was gone, that I can feel the air again. I meant I am still sad and everything but those words were what I wanted to hear since I heard about my father.
"What?" Zil asked? "Nothing" I gave him a sad smile.
"Why don't we get a drink?" I asked.
"What no" he replied.
"Come on zil, just a few shots for the pain" I insisted. I convinced zil with a puppy eye and we went to a bar we use to go. We know the owner so he let us under drink all the time. We ordered a bottle of plain vodka. Zil said it was too much but I said I would pay and gave him a big smile to convince him. He took shots first then starts laughing and chatting.
"How about the dance he does with that blue dress around his waist." Zil said.
"OMG, the Hawaii dance" I added. "Hawaii is genderless" we said equally and start laughing again by his dumb excuse.
"He was the best. Way better father for me than my biological father" zil said slowly. I finished my glass in one breath.
"You guys used to make me jealous when you go out on "boys walk" to the ice cream shop without me"
"We brought you ice cream all the time" he gave me a look. "It is not what matters, I needed to spend time with you" tried to look incent.
"you did say that when you eat the ice cream like a person in the middle of a dessert and only have a minute before it melts down and it was the only source of water there" he smirked.
"Oh shut up, it is food" I roll my eye.
"How about the wish jar" he smiled.
"OMG yes, he told us to write what we want to have on our birthday and it will arrive in a magic carpet into our rooms when we sleep"
"Does that mean he gave us two presents for all of our birthday?"
"yess it took you this long to realize?" I laughed at zil.
"No" he said slowly and pours more of the drink. Of course, it did. Zil is dumb. I am not saying that he still believed that the jar will only be opened by God once we locked it in his name. But I won't be surprised if he did. on every birthday I wake up and found what I put on the jar a month ago in front of me, my faith grows bigger and I thank God.
"Once I wrote a vacation with my father and he took me on a trip to London for 3 days. He told me his work sponsored a father-son trip and since Khalid was big for the trip so the company won't allow teenagers he wanted me to become his son for 3 days."
A tear slide down his cheek "I was so happy and I thank God because he gave me a trip with even a cooler dad. It was then after a year my dad told me he had to work when your dad asked him to take me so he had to take me himself. I left so stupidly for believing him and do you know what he told me?"
"What," I asked smiling.
"A father has two Jobs. One is providing a roof and food. Another is putting a smile. My father wasn't enough to do both so God sends him to do the second job for him. I wanted to shout and get angry at God for not making my dad like yours. But then I thought what if I didn't have him either, God could have done that too. So I thank him instead." He said.
"It is just sad we didn't get a chance to say goodbye" I gasped.
"We can go to the grave now, everybody will be gone and we can tell him how much we love him just us" he suggests. I finished what is left of my drink and stand up. Zil asked the bill but John said it was on the house. He can't drive now so we walked there instead.
We are both wasted. We hugged to keep our balance. "So no one told you life was going to be this way" I start singing the song from friends. We used to watch it with my dad. He used to tell me about his old crew when he was my age. they end up bad after college. It was raining really hard so there is barely anyone.
"Your life is a joke you are broke just like the always" zil continue changing some of the lyrics.
"Besides you are fatherless now when it has been your day your week or even your year; he won't be there for youuuu"
"When the rain starts to drop, he won't be there for you"
"Like he has never been there before" I couldn't continue but broke down really ugly this time. Zil stopped walking and catch my face and looked me in the eyes.
"But I will be there for you" he kept singing. "cause you will be there for me too". Tears were in his eye too. I can feel he feel my pain too. I know we share the same feeling right now.
"Hey hey," he wipes my tears. "I will be there like I am right now. I promise I won't leave you okay. We are together until the end." He gave me a smile. I have never seen zil this way but now I can feel heat between us.
I reached higher and kissed him. For a moment I thought he will let go but zil kissed me back, His both hands on my face and mine on his back. I didn't feel weird at all, but hot and perfect. He pulled away and smiled at me "come on let's go home".I gave him my hand and we walked away like that.