I realized color vanish from her face
-that's impossible. She opposed after a long silence of her staring at me like she has seen a ghost
I sat on one of the stairs and put my head over my palms, that thought gave me a headache
-are you pranking me? Is this some kind of sick joke? She gasped of disbelief
-do I look like I'm in the mood of joking right now! I responded angrily
She sat beside me and held her breath, she looked like she was going to be sick
-Please explain. She pleaded in horror
-do I have to? I asked in despair
Her stare became more intense
-okay, creepy, remember when I told you I was going out with him to the park?
-yeah that was like three days ago.
-correct, you remember how I said that I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach? And how he was so sweet and compassionate and loving and there was something not sitting right?
-I thought you were just stressed and excited to see him, plus the fact that he's sweet and compassionate and loving doesn't make him gay.
-well when we finished our picnic we took a walk, that's when I explained my concern to him, he seemed hesitant but assured me that I was just being paranoid and when we got back to his car, we started kissing, and as he was getting on top of me he... Stopped, as our eyes locked I saw it for the first time
-you saw what. She asked curiously
-fear, like he was trying to fight something, like he was trying so hard to hide his discomfort, it didn't hit me immediately, I pushed him and backed away trying to give order to my thoughts, he kept asking me what was wrong, I replied that I wasn't ready yet, then I saw a layer of relief in his eyes, that's when I put two and two together.
-hold on now, that doesn't mean he's gay, he might not have been ready or -
-oh that's not all. I interrupted her
-oh boy. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair massaging her scalp nervously then pulled it to the back
-go on. She demanded
-as you know I work with his sister and after the incident, she always wanted to have alone time with me but I avoided her, mainly out of fear of her confirming my doubts, my hunch is rarely mistaken, until I couldn't fight it anymore and agreed to have a conversation with her. I recounted staring into the distance as my heart ached, my tears were dry, I couldn't cry anymore, I was so drained emotionally and physically
-what did she say? She asked
-she said that she noticed some changes in Michael's behaviors, sometimes at night he gets very angry and breaks stuff, he got distant most of the time, he was constantly on his phone and all he does is work which was so unlike him, even misses Jones was worried about his sudden temper, they discussed it between them and got to the conclusion that if there's anyone who can make him like that it was me.
-Woah no pressure. She complained
-I know right.
I took a deep breath then carried on
-she kept insisting on knowing the details and kept saying that she knew me and I wouldn't let go of someone unless they hurt me deeply and all that Jaz, so I gave in and told her what happened
Flashback~~~
I sat there in silence waiting for a reaction, chock, surprise or even discomfort but there was none, that's when my head started spinning "does this mean that she knew all along and she didn't tell me"
-you knew all along didn't you! I accused
-I... I. She stammered it's not what you think I can explain.
-oh my god this is a nightmare. I rubbed my head as it was killing me
-please... Just hear me out, I've always loved my brother and we have always been close, I tell him about my problems he tells me about his, there was no taboo between us, he always had good advice, he has always been overprotective when it comes to me, growing up I didn't suspect any difference or... Anyways. She paused as she couldn't find the adequate word
You know when you love someone you just see the good in them and you wouldn't suspect that there's something different about them. She proceeded waiting for a reaction from me or approval or even a nod but I just stared at her blankly
-Alexa please say something. She begged your silence is scaring me.
-keep going. I replied emotionlessly
She sighed then carried on - Michael is a twin, our mom had a miscarriage and Michael's twin brother didn't develop healthily and didn't make it... He died in her womb, luckily Michael survived and he didn't show any irregularities, at least that's what they thought at the beginning, the tragedy hit our family very hard and they were unable to tell him until his early teens, he then got so upset and rebelled and started to act out and became disoriented, they took him to therapists, after further research and analysis plus a long lasted talk with the shrink, they said something about uneven chromosomes that had been passed to him by his deceased brother, which caused a hormonal disorder, something about having double x x's chromosomes hands on female hormones which defeating the y and some scientific shit, the doctors said that it can improve with time and that it was temporary, so we didn't take it seriously and then when he met you, he calmed down, we thought that you would change him... I mean any guy in the world would fall for you with a single glance, you're sexy, attractive, well adjusted, mature, well-spoken, no one intimidates you, you are a good communicator, you just have it all. She sighed at the last words like she was counting in them
I just stared at her I couldn't believe my ears, she paused ashamed of telling me the rest
I felt my heart breaking into thousands of pieces, but I didn't show any of it
-so you wanted me to fix him. I said after a long silence giving her a sharp look, convert him! is that what you mean to tell me. I yelled
-please don't take it like that, we just thought if he settled in with a nice girl it would-
-we. I interrupted, you and...?. I asked trying to decode her facial expressions to know who she meant, she opened her mouth then closed it back again and looked down from shame
-misses Jones. I said as my eyes widened to such a shocking discovery, she couldn't look me in the eyes
-Kate answer me damn it!
-yes my mom and I. She said avoiding eye contact with me, I'm so sorry, we didn't think it'll hurt you and didn't think about the consequences of the possibility of its failure. She kept rambling and my blood started boiling, no words in the world could explain how I felt at that moment
-what am I? a laboratory rat to you and your mom? I exploded, how can you be such hypocrites, with all due respect that I approve for your mother, I never knew you could do something so senseless, so down low! you lied to me, you betrayed my trust, you used me, did I do something to deserve this morbid punishment? I asked very flustered and trying to not slam her head to the wall
She shied away
-Look at me and tell me that I did you wrong or hurt any of you or even was once a hypocrite with you. I shouted turning all heads at us in the coffee shop
-No. She whispered guiltily looking down
I lifted my wallet, balanced 20 box and lifted my coat and bag and stormed away, I asked one of the baristas to lend me her car to take a drive around, she didn't even hesitate and gave me her keys, that's how much people trusted me in this town, but I still get betrayed by the closest to me. I recounted as goosebumps filled my entire body, I lifted my legs to my chest and rolled my arms around them
Brit was speechless
-Wow that's a lot to take in. She managed to say after a while of silence, is he aware of his... Condition?
-I didn't stick around long enough to figure that out, she was lucky enough I didn't smash her head to a window or something, but um, he sure knows he's gay, I remember that look very well, he was terrified.
-two years Brit, two fucking years of lies, hypocrisy, manipulation, trickery, secrets how the hell have I been this blind and stupid! I hate myself I - suddenly my phone rang startling me, I then covered my ears, I was sick of that same repetitive ring tone -make it stop!
-it's your mom, I'll take care of it. She said as she answered it
-hi misses Kinsley
.....
I'm good what about you
....
Yes, she just left to the restroom and left her phone here, why is there something wrong?
She covered the phone's microphone
-have you told her yet ?
-No.
-are you planning on telling her today?
I shook my head in disapproval
Yeah misses kinsly I'm here
.....
Okay I'll let her know
...
Alright have a good day, bye
She hang up
-tell me what?
-she wanted you to know that she was going to be home late tonight, she seemed worried, I think it's her mom intuition, you need to tell her
-No, not now, you know how overprotective she gets about me, no, no way. I shook my head, she'll want to talk to him and his mom and sort this out and all that Jaz and I don't want to drive her in any of this nonsense, it's my problem to solve, she doesn't deserve all this stress... I just want this nightmare to end
....