Days passed in a somewhat pleasant drowsy drugged haze. Stacey was pleased with her somewhat benumbed state. It didn't hurt so much.
Stacey was compliant with her therapists who got her out of bed and the nurses who helped her take care of her personal hygiene despite her embarrassment. However, just getting out of bed was an effort and pain filled activity. Stacey realised that she had even less stamina than before. It was all so tiring.
It was a big operation to get her out of bed. When Stacey got tired, there'd be little, if any, warning at all. Her body would just shut down when it had had enough. Her bodyguards and two personal assistants would be on standby, ready to catch and protect her head in case she fell. Nurses and therapists would carefully monitor her vital signs.
The speaking and swallowing therapy was marginally better. At least then, if she got over tired, she was already still in bed. The downside was that she was only allowed to drink thickened fluids with a spoon and had to resign herself to eating mush until her jaw and throat muscles learned how to work together again.
Why was life so difficult?
Stacey lost track of how many days she had been in hospital for. The monotony was only broken up when Anna or Elsa sometimes had a new video clip to show her. But watching video clips seemed too taxing for her brain to handle. It completely exhausted her mental strength.
She had a few visitors at first, but Stacey soon requested her bodyguards not to let in any more visitors, no matter who they were. She didn't want to see anyone or for them to see her in her current humiliating predicament. She didn't need their pity. Didn't want their superficial or useless words of encouragement.
Mr Huo had visited once. Stacey didn't remember much about that visit. She only remembered being so angry at seeing the hateful man that she had passed out. He hadn't been back since.
Oh yes. Somehow, for some reason, Stacey had regained her memory. She remembered everything now. She remembered how he had tricked her and goaded her, turning her into a berserking fool. Yes, she had survived, but she still hated him. Hated him so much. Seeing him made the bloodlust rise and made her want to kill him at all costs.
She knew that she was at his mercy. He was paying her medical fees and for her treatment. Not to mention that he was paying for her bodyguards and personal assistants - for everything related to her, in fact. She should be grateful and not act like an ungrateful person, but she couldn't help herself. She just... just hated him.
Vaguely, she knew that she was blaming him because the alternative was blaming and hating herself. If only she'd hadn't been so curious and gone for that walk in the park that day. If only she had stuck to the well defined paths and not taken that barely noticeable dirty, yellow brick path. If only she hadn't touched the black stone.
If only she wasn't such a useless weakling, she would never have ended up having to rely on the program and her 'husband' in name to survive in this world. She could never go home. He had said so. He would probably never let her take the risk.
If only she had never given up and quit piano. If only she had been strong enough to choose to change piano teachers to escape the emotional abuse. If only… if only she had a stronger character and stronger mental strength…
Stacey was filled with regrets and 'if only's. The topics jumped around in her head. There was no medicine for regret in any of these two worlds. There was nothing she could do.
Now that she had dropped out of the program, she had lost her purpose and her goal. Mr Huo might not want her anymore now that she was useless and no longer able to make money for him. They were married, but she was sure he had no feelings for her beyond lust. She had no feelings for him besides hate. This farce of a marriage was never going to last.
He had told her in the beginning that when she was no longer useful to him, he would sell her to the beastmen. Or something like that. That was what she remembered of one of those first conversations they'd had together. It had happened so long ago. Although the truth was that it had only been a few months or less, Stacey wasn't entirely sure. It felt like that evening conversation with him on the ring road of Whistledown had happened years ago. Long ago enough that her memory of it was fuzzy.
Married for love indeed, she scoffed. He sure had taken advantage of her memory loss.
"My lady, you need to eat and drink," a voice pleaded and Stacey turned her face away.
"My lady, you can't give up."
What was the point in living?
She couldn't go home. She was a useless and worthless person nobody wanted or needed and her so-called husband was probably planning to sell her to the highest bidder for profit. He probably has nothing on his mind besides earning money and being so high and mighty. She couldn't move or talk properly to stop him if he did.
People 'my lady'-ed her day and night. They didn't even call her by her name anymore. It was like her name had been stolen and they were trying to turn her into a nameless nobody. Just like that bastard had when he had turned her into a berserker.
Actually, Stacey was surprised she had survived that battle. She had almost died so many times. It was because of her that Endo had died, Flint had lost a leg and Ken had dropped out altogether. How useless she was.
***NB***
Nobody knows what causes arteriovenous malformations to form in the brain (it's basically an entangled mess of veins and arteries). Some people are born with it. Some people develop them for no known reason (idiopathic). Some people develop them as a result of previous brain injury. In any case, they're as dangerous as an aneurysm. Nobody knows if or when it might burst and cause bleeding in the brain.