A strange feeling of sadness and joy at the same time overcomes me as I set white lilies on the tombstone. I fall to my knees and press two of my fingers to my lips before resting them on top of the tomb. The afternoon sun shines at the stone causing it glisten.
"I wish you were sitting in front of me instead of underneath me but I guess this will have to do."I pause to collect my thoughts before continuing. "I know that I haven't come here since the day of your funeral but I guess I was just scared to accept the truth...the truth that I would never be able to see your beautiful smile ever again, or the joy on your face when Blake asks you out, or even just the low curve of your nose, and the sharp jawline of yours or the laugh crinkles by your eyes." Hours go by as I talk to my bestfriend about all the things she's missed. Tears are shed, laughs are released and smiles lighten my face as I talk about the memories we've made together and my life without her.
My eyes jerk open as a drop of water hits my neck. I look up at the sky to see the sun setting. Dark clouds have gathered and I know that it will start raining any moment. I massage the back of my neck to loosen the knots that have formed there due to my awkward sleeping position.
"Shit!" I get up and scramble to find my phone. Ugh I'm so dumb, how could I have fallen asleep? I've been here for hours. My hand touches the plastic covering of my phone just as water starts pouring out of the sky. I look up at the dark sky and just let myself get soaked for a minute. The cold water touches my face and the numbing feeling helps remove the sleep from my eyes. I start trudging through the graveyard, barely being able to see anything. I unlock my phone and find the phone app, my fingers dial Owen's number, and I put the phone by my ear as it rings a couple times before going straight to voicemail. I try calling him a few more times but he doesn't pick up. I'm about to dial my mom's number when I feel a body collide into me causing my phone to fall into the wet mud by my feet. I curse for the second time in the graveyard and fall onto my knees to try and find my phone. I hear a deep voice apologize but instead of looking at the person, I continue to look for my phone which is pretty hard in the heavy rain. My hand grabs at my phone and I wipe the mud from the screen to realize that it has been severly damaged. There's a spiderweb of cracks all along the screen and when I press the power button, it doesn't turn on. I feel my heart race as I stand up to find a very familiar face looking down at me.
"Jaxon Black??" I exclaim. He rests his piercing gaze as he analyzes me. "What are you doing here?" Jaxon's eyebrows draw closer to each other in confusion before he slowly replies,
"Uh, do I know you?" My mouth falls open in shock, we literally just met a day ago.
"Don't tell me you forgot me so fast? Like seriously, I was sleeping in your bed just a day ago." Jaxon's lips twitch in irritation as he mumbles,
"Yeah, well I have a girl sleeping in my bed everyday so don't think you're so special." I roll my eyes and wipe some rain from my face. When I look back up at Jaxon, I see him watching me and when he meets my eyes, recognition lights up in them. "Oh! You're that girl, the one with the weird name, I think it was Cyn." I nod at him and mouth a 'Yup' as he continues, "But I don't recall sleeping with you, so what exactly were you doing at my place?"
"Oh, you know, I just came to chill with the Jaxon Black. We had a couple drinks and played some card games while eating some cheap pizza." I retort sarcastically as I rub my arms to heat them. "You know you could be a gentleman and offer me your jacket or something, I'm kinda freezing in this rain." I add as I feel my feet start to numb. Jaxon looks unamused as he raises an eyebrow.
"You expect me to give me you my jacket? Does it look like I'm a gentleman?" I shake my head and look down at the phone in my hand. I press the power but it still doesn't turn on. I let out a sigh and look up at the sky for a second before looking back at Jaxon.
"Is it too much to ask to use your phone to make a call?" Jaxon's bored expression doesn't change causing me to lose hope and mumble my last attempt under my breath. "And I'm guessing you wouldn't be kind enough to give me a ride." Jaxon ignores my comment and turns around.
"If you don't need anything, I'm gonna start going, I have places to be." I huff in anger at his back but don't reply. Jaxon glances back at me over his shoulder as he walks away towards his car. I start trailing him, making my way over to the main road. Jaxon gets in his nice white BMW and as he passes me, he rolls down his window and says,
"If you stay with the ghosts long enough maybe you'll become one so you might wanna get outta here as soon as possible." Jaxon's window rolls back up and as he reves his car, the mud under his tires comes flying at me. I take a deep breath in to calm myself and watch his car speed down the road until it disappears. My feet start moving on their own down the side of the road. I keep hoping that a car will drive down this road and hopefully give me a ride but there is no car in sight. I rest my hands on my knees and try to catch my breath before straightening up and looking behind me. The graveyard is out of sight but I am still not able to see any buildings in front of me. As I continue walking, I feel a deep hatred rise within me for Jaxon. I mean like couldn't he be kind enough to give me a ride. Does he even have a heart? It was raining for gods sakes. As I lose myself to swearing at Jaxon in my mind, I don't realize that I can see the city in front of me. I hear a car engine and stick my hand out, hoping they stop . The car slows down and as it gets closer, I see the last person I want to see behind the wheel of a white BMW. He sticks his head out and raises his eyebrows.
"You're still here? I thought you'd be home by now." I ignore him and lift my feet to continue walking even though I'm exhausted. Jaxon backs up his car and shrugs before adding, "I mean I wanted to offer you a ride but if you want to ignore me, I guess you'll have to wait till' the next car." I don't give him the satisfaction of looking up at him and instead keep staring ahead of me as I walk. I hear his car linger for a few minutes before driving off. I feel another wave of anger hit me as I think of him. He could have tried a bit harder, not like I'd ever accept his invitation but still.
---
I walk up the steps of my porch drenched in sweat and rain and covered from head to toe in mud. My hand hovers over the doorknob but before I have time to turn it, the door swings open by my mother.
"Honey, where have you been and what in god's name happened to you?" I slip my shoes off and walk past her to the stairs.
"I'll tell you after I'm showered," I call out as I climb the stairs. I take a long, hot shower as I try to warm up my numb feet and wash the mud from my hair. I step out of the bathroom fully dressed. I know in my mind that I should go downstairs and talk to my mom but my feet say something else as they lead me to the bed. I lay down on my bed and mumble, "Just for a few minutes," but I know that's a lie I'm telling myself as my eyes have already started to close. Just before I fall into my deep slumber, I hear the door creak open and my moms sigh. A few minutes later I feel the bed dip next to me and my mom caresses my face before pressing her lips to my forehead and whispering a quite goodnight. She gets up and turns off the lights as she leaves.
---
I crack my eyes open and see the moonlight streaming in through the window. I slide out of bed, pulling on my slippers as my feet hit the cold ground, and walk to the window. I open the window and breath in the fresh, crisp air. As I watch the lone star in the sky, my thoughts go to Jenn and I shake my head, her death really messed us all up. I turn around and make my way downstairs where I can hear the TV playing. When I enter the family room, I see a figure passed out on the couch. As I get closer, I notice that its Owen, he lies in an awkward position with his head against the armrest and the rest of his body falling off the couch. I try to walk past him to grab the blanket resting on the ground, but accidently hit his knees causing him to snap his eyes open.
"Thea?" He mumbles before sitting upright. Even though there is still sleep in his eyes, Owen pats the spot nest to him and asks, "What's wrong? Talk to me." I pick up the blanket and lean my head against Owen as I adjust the blanket so that its on both of us.
"Nothing, I heard the TV and was wondering who could be awake this late." Owen nods and stares out the sliding door behind me. The TV light illuminates his face and I am able to see his face, there are dark bags under his eyes and there seems to be unfamiliar wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. "Owen, are you okay? You look like you haven't slept in days." At my sudden question, he snaps his eyes back to mine. With his eyes on mine, I notice that in the days between Jenn's funeral and now, my brother seems to have aged a couple years.
"Yeah, yeah everythings okay, why do you ask?" At my unconvinced look, Owen looks down at his hands.
"What happened to us? We were so close, you told me everything. I-I know that I closed myself off after Jenn..." I trail off and after a few seconds continue. "But, I'm still here to listen if you need me to. I'm still your little sister." Owen looks up at me and tries to smile.
"I know, I know, you were just going through so much, you know? Its not much anyways, its just school and...and you," I furrow my eyebrows in confusion but before I can question him, he continues, "You just weren't acting like yourself, and we were all worried." I feel guilt overwhelm me as I think about what I made Owen and my parents go through.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I whisper and before I can say anything else, Owen engulfs me in a hug.
"It's okay, I'm just glad to have you back." A smile makes a way up onto both our faces. I'm glad to have my brother and Hayley back, now I just have to make up with Blake and my parents. As I talk to Owen about yesterdays adventure, I can't help but get a nagging feeling that he isn't being fully honest with me.