*Please check the preface by clicking on the table of contents for update details. Thank you*
I clenched and unclenched my fists as the car pulled outside the school campus.
"Everything's going to be fine, honey," Mom said as she squeezed my fist. I looked up to see her smiling warmly, the crescent scar on her cheek glowing and her warm brown eyes reassuring.
I took a deep breath as I leaned my head against the seat, looking ahead. Blowing out my cheeks, I nodded to myself as I opened the car door.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the car and turned to look back at Mom. She smiled at me and nodded. I nodded back.
I turned to face the school building, standing high in its glory. This was where everything started and everything ended. But it was one of those places that would never change, no matter what.
With a gulp, I took a step forward.
Three months. It had been three months since Mick threw him off his rooftop. And in these past three months, I had realized that how much I loved him and how big of a coward I was.
My whole system had stopped working when the news of his death came. And even in his dying moment, he did not forget to think about me. He had told me to smile my award-winning smile all the time in his suicide note. I had no idea which smile he referred to, but he took away all my smiles with him.
For the past three months, I had to undergo counselling. I did not come to school and instead spent my time digging up information about the signs. My counsellor had told me how obvious the signs were in the case of Mick. The past three months had also made me realize what an asshole I was.
Mick's death gave me the courage to come out to my parents and stop being a jerk. Surprisingly, they accepted it and extended their support.
I walked through the busy hallways, trying to keep my head down. My eyes flew to the notice board and my feet halted. A smiling picture of Mick was on display and below it was written, remembering Mick Holland. A sigh escaped my lips abruptly.
The overwhelming feeling of seeing him again washed through me. I looked up at his smile. Nobody, including me, saw the pain behind those smiles. I closed my eyes.
In a suicide-prone society, we should be looking out for each other. But then again, if we had looked out for each other, suicide would not have existed. Suicide would never be the option. But it was still an option. Teenagers are epitome of angst, and they tend to reduce their psychological stress by inflicting the pain they feel on the people around them. The sad truth about teens are that we are the bullies, and we get bullied.
We don't seem to realize the depths of situations and act on our impulse. We don't realize things when they get out of our control and when we do realize, it is already too late. Because for someone who had made up their mind that they would throw themselves off a cliff, they would not come to saying that they need help.
We have to watch out for the signs, rather than drowning in guilt later, as in the case of myself. I was about to touch Mick's face through the glass when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Sally standing there with a sober face. She was my other best friend.
"Hey, Sal!" I forced a smile at her and turned my focus back on Mick's picture. She sighed.
"Hey, Ray," She muttered under breath as she moved closer to the notice board and looked at Mick's picture.
"How are things going on?" I made an effort to talk, earning look from the girl beside me.
"Fine," She nodded, "What about you?"
"Fine," I mumbled, "I guess..." That earned me another of her sighs and I closed my eyes.
"It is good to see you again," Sally squeezed my arm.
"Yeah, you too," I nodded at her. She nodded back.
"Do you want me to walk you to your class?" Sally turned to face me, "Or will you go on your own instead?" I tried to see any emotion in cold eyes.
"I guess that I could use some company," I told her. She nodded with another sigh as we started walking. We walked in complete silence, in comparison to the boisterous hallways.
Just then, I saw a guy, with a hoodie pulled over his face. He kept his face down, making it impossible for me to see who it was. He gave off negative vibes. The months of digging in and counselling told me that he was not okay. Not at all.
"Who is that guy?" I nudged Sally, as I focused on the guy walking towards the office. Sally leaned over to look.
"Oh, that guy," She clicked her tongue, "He started here two months ago. I don't know. Doesn't talk much." I looked at her with frown.
"I guess that he is in your class," She raised her eyebrows dramatically. I stopped to look at the guy as he disappeared through the office door.
"Hey! Are you still there?" She nudged, "I don't think that you are willing to go to class at the moment." I turned to squint at her. She gave me the guess-I-know-you-after-all smile.
"I think that I will drop by the office," I huffed a sigh.
"Yeah," She nodded as she took a step ahead and turned around to face. Then, she added, "Just make sure you are here."
I nodded at her and she nodded back. She squeezed my arm before sprinting away to her class. I glanced at the direction of the office and entered the corridor without any hesitation. The office door was ajar and I saw the guy talking to the secretary, Mrs. Crumbs. I stopped outside and squinted at the guy. He was definitely not okay.
I turned away and leaned against the cold wall when I realized that the guy was coming out of the office. I closed my eyes, pretending that I didn't care. His heavy presence prompted me to do otherwise. My lips parted slightly as I saw the guy walk away.
A battered sigh escaped my lips and I decided to greet the old lady. Maybe, I could pry out some information about this new guy. As soon as I walked in, a warm smile bloomed on the old lady's wrinkled face. I could not help but smile back at her.
She stood up from her chair and came out of the cabin. She looked me up and down. Then, she said, "My boy, how are you?"
"I am fine, Mrs. Crumbs. What about you?" I nodded with a smile.
"It is so good to see you," She squished my cheeks like the good old days. For once, I did not have the urge to push her away.
"Yeah, you too," A wide smile found its way on my lips. She nodded and sighed.
"You had it hard, dear," She said with a sad smile, "And you are one brave child. I am really proud of you." I smiled. Then, I brought it up.
"Mrs. Crumbs, do you mind if I ask you a question?" I leaned against the wooden cabin as she returned to her seat.
"Hmm, what is it?" She looked up at me expectantly.
"Who was that guy?" I jerked my thumb towards the window, "I don't think that I have seen him before."
"Oh, that's Evan Kirks for you. He moved here two months ago," She smiled and nodded, "Nice fella. Kind of reminds me of Mick." Then, she sighed. I nodded after regaining my composure.
At that moment, I knew that I had to know more about Evan Kirks and there was no looking back.