Kleptopolis
Somewhere in a factory near his tower, Zetal was throwing a fit over his last failure and shouting at three of his Clone minions.
"You absolute morons! I give you the simple task of eliminating those siblings, I give you instruments of mass destruction to tear apart Seal Island, heck, I even give you the honorary job of keeping this city litter-free and you STILL manage to screw it up!"
"On the bright side, nothing caught fire that time!" one of the Clones replied.
He took a breath and resumed, clearly still furious.
"You've somehow managed to fail each and every single order I have given you. Therefore, I have no choice but to give all of you a demotion," he announced.
The three looked at each other, then squealed in delight.
"Aw, yeah! We're getting a demotion!" one cheered.
"Will we get raises on top of that?" another asked.
Zetal just stood there, confused rage on his face and mouth agape.
"That's a PROmotion, you idiots! I'm sending you down a position far lower than your normal work!"
He opened the door outside, and before leaving he stated, "A Hardhat will arrive in a few minutes with your new jobs. Don't disappoint me again."
Time passed, and a Clone with a hard hat and blueprints burst through the door.
"Okay, gentlemen!" he greeted. "Zetal wanted me to hand you the schematics for his next machine. The scrapyard outside is where you can find all the materials you'll need."
As the Hardhat handed over the blueprints, one Clone asked, "Do you think Zetal will trust us with this?"
"As long as you don't try to rebel, I think you'll be fine," the Hardhat answered. "Remember what happened to Randall?"
"Yeah, I remember. We all said not to confront him..." the Clone sighed.
The room fell silent for a moment until the Hardhat's chipper voice returned.
"Well hey, get going! That machine isn't gonna build itself!"
The four went out to the yard, where piles of scrap, cinder blocks, and broken machinery lay along with other exhausted Clones. One in particular was sitting on a girder, munching on a sandwich.
"Right, get to work," the Hardhat ordered, motioning to the scrapyard.
Back at the tower, Zetal was sitting atop his balcony, watching the Clones through a set a binoculars. Leaning closer to monitor their work, he got startled by Casinoir, who snuck up on him, almost dropping his binoculars.
"Whatcha doin', boss?" he asked.
Zetal wordlessly pointed at the three Clones in his sight, handing Casinoir the binoculars. Upon looking through them, concern crawled onto his face.
"Boss, aren't those Clones the very same ones who tiled the bathroom with oatmeal instead of grout?" he questioned.
"Come on, it wasn't that bad," Zetal shrugged.
"And blew up the hangar that one time?"
"Well..."
"And were responsible for the incident with Ixin, the blender, and the-"
"Okay, I get it!"
Zetal took a breath and looked at Casinoir.
"Yes, I get it. They're idiots, But they're loyal. They know not to rebel against their creator."
"Didn't you install a feature that causes them to self destruct if they try to go against you?"
"Like I said, loyalty. Unlike Randall. A shame too, I liked him," Zetal sighed.
Zetal took the binoculars back and readjusted his sight.
"It seems the only perks of being evil are having minions while we just sit here, chillin' like villains," Casinoir sighed. "T-That is what the cool kids call it, right?"
"Hold on a second. What are they..?" Zetal muttered, zooming in closer on the three braindead builders. It looked like they were building something from the blueprints, yet not at the same time.
"Those morons!" Zetal screeched. "Casinoir, get me over there!"
"Sure thing, boss!" he replied, taking off his top hat and pulled Zetal inside before hopping in himself. When they popped out of the hat, they found themselves quickly down at the scrapyard where the Clones were.
"Where are those imbeciles?" Zetal yelled.
"Over here, sir!" a voice called from behind him. "We're done!"
The two villains turned around to see the structure of destruction. It was impressive, but some things were off about it.
Its wheels were on top of the structure, as well as the door.
"What is this..?" Zetal asked, annoyed yet curious.
"It's the machine you wanted us to build, remember?" the Clones attested.
"This looks nothing like what I asked you to build," he replied.
"It might be of some use somehow, boss. Go ahead and give it a spin," Casinoir reasoned.
"Alright..." Zetal sighed, climbing into the hatch underneath it.
When reaching the machine's interior, he realized all of the electronics inside were on the ceiling. Not just electronics, either- file cabinets, wooden desks and even an office water cooler was on the ceiling, as if everything but Zetal was normally in place.
"What on..." he muttered to himself. Wandering the floor, he saw a couple more things out of the ordinary, such as the P.A. speakers on the floor and power cords running along the ceiling. Upon taking a look through a nearby window, the world outside was different. The ground and the sky had swapped places, and everyone had appeared upside down to him.
"Wait a minute. Is this thing..?"
Before he could finish his sentence, the machine collapsed under its own weight. Either that or Zetal realized that's not how physics work.
Crawling out of the wreckage, he saw the three Clones responsible for the machine.
"What have you idiots done?!" he yelled.
"We were just following orders, sir!"
Zetal sighed in dissatisfaction, then thought to himself.
"Hmm... This probably isn't all garbage. Maybe I can salvage this machine for some spare parts, or build a secret storage space out of it, or better yet..."
In a small coincidence, the structure exploded, sending Zetal into the air and faceplanting in front of Casinoir and the Clones. One of the Clones looked over at the used blueprints.
"Oh, hey! The blueprints were upside down!" they declared.
"Boss, why would you make blueprints upside down? That's dumb, even for you," Casinoir said, shaking his head.
Zetal growled at the four, followed by pulling out another set of blueprints from his pocket.
"Here, try again. Do it right this time!" he yelled, walking out of the scrapyard with Casinoir in tow.
The three Clones looked at each other, confusion on their faces.
"Wait a minute! There are two structures on this blueprint!" one Clone pointed out. "One is tall and looks like the tower, and the other one is short and looks like a cannon."
Which one were they going to build?
Back at the tower, Zetal was in bed. Casinoir was tending to him, icing down his injuries and covering his head with a bandage.
"Boss, what were those other blueprints for, exactly?" Casinoir asked.
"Those were for a prototype weapon I'm designing," Zetal explained. "See, I knew they would mess up the first time, so I drafted up some new schematics. These are more complex, but I believe they'll get it this time."
"Wait," Casinoir paused. "You expect them to build something more difficult the second time when they couldn't even do it right the first time?"
At this point Zetal realized his mistake. In a hurry, he jumped out of bed, hurried to the express elevator and ran all the way to the scrapyard. The Clones were still building what was on the blueprints.
"What... are you doing?!" he asked the workers, clearly out of breath.
"We're almost done, sir! We just need to finish building this tower," the Clones replied.
"Tower... What? Let me see that..."
Zetal snatched the blueprints, inspecting what was drawn on them. There was the tower on the right, and the machine on the left. Seems like they spent their time building the giant tower.
"That was to scale, numbskulls! You weren't supposed to build that!" Zetal screamed, pointing to a tiny note under the drawing which read: 'Height Comparison - Do NOT Build.'
The tower was nearly built, with a gaping hole at its base. The instability caused the structure to topple right on top of Zetal.
Zetal poked his head out of the ground, in front of the remains of the tower.
"Anything else you want us to do, sir?" the Clones asked, eager to move on with the next project.
"Actually, yeah," Zetal grunted, crawling out of the crater and pulling out more blueprints from his pocket.
"Hmm... Giant laser, seal harvester machine, perfect French fry cooker.."
Eventually, he settled on a blueprint for a fairly large rocket.
"Here, build this. It's for a very important exploration project and your last chance to prove that you're not a complete waste on my island," he stated.
He then started to limp away, Casinoir following close behind. One Clone called the other two and the trio huddled together.
"Guys, I don't think Zetal is happy with us," he sighed.
"I agree," another one nodded. "He definitely didn't look happy with the first project we finished."
"So, what are we going to do?" the third Clone asked.
"We're going to study these blueprints slowly and carefully. Make sure everything about this is perfect and nothing less!"
The first Clone called the Hardhat over to study the blueprints with them and give advice.
"Since this thing will be for exploration purposes, we'll need to design several rooms for resource harvesting, equipment storing, troop management, and so on," he pointed out. "Just work on the rooms first, and I'll help design the outside."
"Right, let's do it!" the Clones cheered.
Several Hours Later
At the tower, Zetal was resting in his living room, watching TV. Specifically, the Seal Island News Services.
"Hmm... Seal Island seems peaceful again. Maybe I should pay them another visit, leave them a surprise..."
His watch went off with a message from the Clones saying that the rocket was finished. Getting off the couch, he took a look outside. It was dusk.
"Those buffoons better have gotten it right this time," he muttered. "I have machines to manage and revenge to dish out!"
Using Casinoir's hat to teleport, Zetal reached the scrapyard once more. When taking a look at their surroundings, they realized the site was now completely barren. The only things in the area were the four exhausted Clones and a tall rocket.
"Finished, sir!" one shouted.
Taking a closer look at it, it seemed like they had done everything exactly as he asked. The rocket was an appropriate size, they had picked out a very good color scheme, and most importantly, it resembled what was on the blueprints. When walking around it, it was a full, three-dimensional object and not as thin as a cardboard cutout.
"Well guys, I'm impressed," Zetal nodded in approval. "But don't think I'm going to promote you back to your normal place just yet."
"What do you mean, boss?" Casinoir asked.
"It's one thing to build a rocket, but it's a completely different thing to see if the rocket can actually fly," Zetal explained.
Climbing into the rocket, Zetal saw that the cockpit was rather spacious. There was a computer present with screens showing footage outside, as well as other floors of the rocket. A pilot's chair was set in the center, in front of the window.
Sitting in the pilot's seat, he noticed the rocket's control panel was very limited. No radars, no boosters, no throttle either. The only thing there was a large red button in the middle.
After strapping himself in and bracing himself for the worst, he pushed the button with nothing happening. He pressed the button several times, all with no response from the rocket.
Ready to chew out the Clones, he hopped out of the seat, when...
The rocket suddenly propelled into the sky! Zetal was stuck to the floor due to the force of the launch, but adjusted soon enough. Looking through the window, he saw that he was already hundreds of feet in the air. Impressed by how fast the rocket was in the air, he sat back in the chair and waited for the rocket to descend.
"Turns out those three weren't complete idiots after all," Zetal thought to himself. "When I land, I ought to reassign them back to their normal du-"
And just like that, the rocket he was in exploded mid-flight.
Back on the ground, Casinoir, the Hardhat, and the three worker Clones were watching the explosion. Patterns of red, yellow, white, purple, and orange painted the sky.
"Ooh, pretty!" one Clone exclaimed.
"Uh, what did you guys use to fuel the rocket?" Casinoir asked.
"Gasoline and gunpowder!" the three Clones replied in unison.
"You used gunpowder to launch a rocket?!" the Hardhat yelled.
"What else were we supposed to use?!" the second Clone remarked.
"Oh, I don't know, rocket fuel, hydrogen, propellant? Something more logical than gunpowder!" Casinoir answered.
Zetal plummeted into the ground a few seconds later, leaving a crater in the middle of the site, where the rocket first took off. The four ran over to check on him, where his body was practically unresponsive.
"Boss, are you okay..?" Casinoir asked.
"Sir?" two of the Clones added.
"You've done it now..." Zetal muttered, his face still in the ground. Every attempt to move was met with muffled screaming.
"I can't feel my anything!" he yelled.
Screaming even louder as Casinoir peeled him off the ground, Zetal focused his eyes directly on the three responsible.
"You... You have failed me for the last time. You leave me no choice but to send you to the Ejector Room..."
Trying to get up, he screamed as he felt a surge of indescribable pain course all throughout his body.
"...As soon as I'm able to move again. Casinoir!"
"Right, boss!"
Picking him up, Casinoir tossed him into his hat again, and the two disappeared from the scene, leaving the three Clones in a panic.
"Oh, what do we do now?" one Clone asked, trembling. "When morning comes, he'll launch us into space!"
The other two Clones went into a frenzy, trying to think of a way to save themselves.
"M-Maybe we could just run away!" the second Clone suggested. "We could hop on a boat and paddle our way to another island, and then-"
"...And then we'll get beaten up by those kids!" the first interrupted. "Or worse, we'll get arrested or explode!"
"Maybe we could hide in the city?" the third Clone asked.
"Are you kidding?! We'll be found in an instant!" the second Clone disapproved.
"Is there nothing we can do?"
The three fell to the floor, bawling and coming to terms with their losses.
"I thought you guys would be fine with space, given that's what's in your heads," the Hardhat spoke. "But jokes aside, I may be able to help you one final time."
"Yes?!" all three Clones asked, looking at the Hardhat, desperation on their faces.
"There are some special blueprints somewhere in Zetal's tower. I believe that if you can build it before dawn, he'll reconsider your fates," they stated.
The three immediately rushed towards the tower, but stopped when they noticed Mr. Hardhat still standing there.
"Aren't you going with us?" one asked.
"You're funny," the Hardhat laughed. "If I went with you guys, he'll have my neck for it! I'll be here gathering fuel for the project."
Before the Clones went off again, they asked how the Hardhat knows all of this.
"I'm the head of construction operations here. I just know about it, okay? Now, get going!"
They resumed their run to the tower, leaving the Hardhat to his own devices.
"Honestly, who in the fresh hailstorm fuels a rocket with GUNPOWDER?!"
Zetal's Tower, Nightfall
The three idiots were standing at the base of the tower.
"Well guys, it's now or never," the first Clone spoke.
"Even if we fail, it's been an honor working with you guys," the second Clone added.
By stacking themselves up (and with a complete lack of knowledge on how gravity works), they managed to reach the balcony of the tower. Peering into the living room, no one was inside.
Sliding open the door and creeping into the room, they noticed a large desk on one side of the room. Curious, Clones 1 & 3 walked over to inspect it.
The desk was covered in various papers; mostly tax returns, emblem replacement sketches, and a list of hardware stores Zetal had been blacklisted from. No sign of a blueprint here.
Meanwhile, the second Clone walked into one of the hallways where the Villain League slept. Passing door after door, at the end of the hall was another door with a sign that read 'Do Not Enter'.
"Guys! I think I found what we're looking for!" he whispered.
Going through the door revealed an empty room with another desk at the center of it.
This desk looked the same as the one from the living room, but this one was covered in more papers. The three searched through the mass of to-do lists, failed experiments and obscure research topics and found three blueprints at the bottom: one for a tractor beam machine, one for a giant robot, and one for a toaster.
While they were debating which blueprint they should take, they felt a presence creeping up to the door they were in. Panicking, they snatched one of the blueprints and made a break out of the room, not looking back.
Unbeknownst to them, that presence was just a curious Clone, one who had just finished scraping the oatmeal from the bathroom.
The bumbling stooges dove off the balcony, fell 15 stories, and somehow landed safely on the ground. Minutes later, they returned to the scrapyard, where the Hardhat was waiting.
"Got the blueprint?" the Hardhat asked.
"Yep, here they are!" the third Clone replied, handing over the paper. Reading over the schematics, the Hardhat quietly muttered and nodded to himself.
"This can be managed, but only if we start immediately and don't make any mistakes or stop for anything," The Hardhat stated.
"Let's hurry, we don't have much time!" the third Clone exclaimed.
And just like that, the three were off to gather materials for the project behind, leaving the Hardhat to gather more fuel.
"I expected them to grab something easier than THIS..." he grumbled.
The Following Morning
"Casinoir!" Zetal yelled from his room, still in his full-body cast.
"Boss?" Casinoir replied, stumbling into Zetal's room, clearly still wanting to sleep more. "You called?"
"Gather the three Clones and have them ready to be sent to the Ejector Room," he ordered.
"Roger that!" Casinoir nodded, heading down the tower.
5 minutes later, he rushed back to Zetal's room, shock and surprise on his face.
"Boss, boss! You might want to reconsider ejecting them," he suggested.
"Why?" Zetal questioned.
His reply was met with stutters and stammers, until Casinoir managed to speak an actual sentence.
"It's just something you'll have to see for yourself."
Zetal was skeptical about it at first, but obliged soon enough. After forty minutes of Casinoir carrying Zetal down the tower, the two managed to reach the scrapyard.
"Okay, where is this 'thing' you wanted me to see?" he asked.
"Over here, sir!" A voice called.
Turning around, Zetal saw the 'thing' that had caused Casinoir so much shock.
"What on?!" he yelled, taking in the sight before him.
Before him was a supersized robot, one he never expected anyone in the city to build. It was tall, gray with blue and gold accents, and above all else, it looked destructive.
Regaining the strength to move again, Zetal broke free of his cast and approached the three Clones, trying to think of what to say.
"Well guys, I-I'm shocked! I didn't expect this out of you. I thought I'd just launch you into space and that would be it. You've actually impressed me, so I won't send you to the Ejector Room."
He paused and rephrased his sentence. "Yet, at least."
The Clones high-fived each other, relieved their gift was enough to reroute Zetal's decision.
"What are you waiting for, try it out!" the first Clone insisted, nudging his boss over to the robot.
"Alright, alright..." Zetal chuckled, walking towards the staircase behind it.
"Where did you get the idea to design a robot?" Casinoir asked.
"Nowhere! The best ideas are just pulled from your brain, you know?" the Hardhat responded, ripping the blueprint behind his back.
Meanwhile, when Zetal reached the cockpit, he saw the control panel was more varied this time, with more buttons, a throttle, and several levers in reach.
Grabbing two of the levers, he saw that he was controlling the arms of the machine. He howled in glee as the arms waved wildly in the air.
Back on the ground, Casinoir, the Hardhat, and the Clones were watching the robot in action. The third Clone was growing concerned.
"He might not want to move those arms too much," he warned. "The glue hasn't set in yet."
Casinoir and the Hardhat looked at the Clone with disbelief.
"Don't worry, it's Galactic Glue- the strongest of the glues!" he reassured.
"You used GLUE to assemble a robot?!"
"How else were we supposed to put a robot together?" the second Clone reasoned.
"Welding? We have blowtorches and hammers for a reason!" the Hardhat answered in disbelief.
As per usual, the arm of the robot fell off, and since the robot was now unstable on one side, it fell apart in a matter of seconds.
The head of the robot crashed beside the four, Zetal inside, begging for mercy.
"Please... No more!" he pleaded, crawling out of yet another failure.
At this point, he's had enough. These empty-brained mouth breathers had injured him several times, failed all of their tasks, and used about 96 percent of the resources in the scrapyard.
He was about to send them to the Ejector Room with no remorse, when...
"Sir, maybe we should accept construction is not something they're good at," the Hardhat spoke. "I mean, all they know how to use is metal and art supplies."
"What are they good at, then?" Zetal questioned.
"Ignoring physics, for one," Casinoir interrupted. "For one, they built a tank upside-down, built a life-sized tower in less than a few hours, and somehow powered a rocket with gunpowder. I don't know about you, but I think they could end up surviving in space with nothing but the clothes on their back."
Zetal thought for a moment, then spoke. "Fine, I won't send you to the Ejector Room."
The three all sighed in relief.
"But don't expect to have your normal jobs for a long time."
"Huh? What do you mean, sir?"
Test Facility #39, Hours Later
"It was sure nice of the boss to promote us as crash testers!" the first Clone said.
"It's also cool that we're the first guys to get this job!" the second Clone agreed.
Those three nincompoops were reassigned as test subjects for various experiments and weaponry concepts. Considering they're too stupid to know what pain is, they'll probably survive.
A large tube lowered itself and faced the three test subjects. A robotic voice resonated through the air, saying:
"Initiating Force Blaster Test #215..."
Almost immediately, they were launched from one side of the room to the other, screaming. The impact didn't faze them, but it was enough to knock over a small cup of water on the control deck.
Sparks started to fly out of the screen, catching fire soon after. The Clones watched from the test chamber as screaming was heard and attempts to put out the fire were made. The fire got worse, spreading throughout the facility and covering everything in its path with flames. Oddly enough, the test chamber was the only thing that didn't burn.
Some time later, the Clones caught sight of Zetal approaching them through the smoldering remains of the building. As he neared closer to the trio, they only had one thing to say to each other.
"You think we'll get another promotion?"