Fen was surrounded by enemies, all of them glaring at him and smirking at his weakness with limbs and faces made of shadows. Hungry maws with gnashing teeth grew along their bodies, and disfigured tongues searching around the room for their next prey. The image flickered away, replaced by the overly excited Opfer hopped up on adrenaline, but the fear and paranoia remained ingrained in his heart.
If there was one thing that he understood from the Archon's words, the situation was spun in a way that he couldn't trust anyone, other Opfer included. The already existing wedge Fen had driven between him and them only grew larger, and more remnants of the colder personality he had buried returned and replaced the shiny new parts inside his heart.
Squad 42 had left the amphitheater and were heading back to their room, but the atmosphere between the members couldn't be any worse.
Gray was frustrated because his attempts to become friendly with the group when they first met had isolated Fen from them, and every one of attempts to talk with him after they had met ended with a glare. The only good news was that Fen wasn't indifferent towards them, so perhaps in the future when he calmed down Gray could try again to reconcile with him.
Amelia was spiteful because she was proven to be wrong, and even more angry because Fen had turned out to be right, if only partly. The VPF had turned out to be morally wrong; any organization who thought the idea of making kids kill each other couldn't be benign, but the individuals within the organization appeared to care for them. Archon Ellora had seemed nice, if a little weird, but weird was good for distinguishing your personality. Sometimes.
Qin was neither angry nor frustrated. He only felt a deep sense of calm, and after Ellora's speech ended and the squad exited the room, he had apologized to Fen and admitted to being wrong. However, expecting Fen to forgive him was apparently too much to ask for:
"You were right."
Fen turned his head around, eyes narrowing when he saw Qin behind him in the hallway. He was about to stop and give Quin a piece of his mind but decided not to when he noticed the still flowing entrance of the amphitheater from which Opfer continued to surge through. Arguing was not worth being trampled over, in Fen's opinion.
So, he just continued walking towards the room and ignored him. Taking his silence for indifference, Qin's lip twitched and the tranquil pool inside his mind was disturbed, but he quickly controlled himself before a frown appeared on his apathetic face. Poker face in place, Qin tried once more to get Fen's attention.
"Hey, I know I said things before that could've been seen as rude," Although Qin didn't think so, "but right now I'm trying to apologize, so can you please stop running faster!"
Qin had prepared himself for great many things after his initial rejection, yelling, or even a fight. Blatant avoidance and Fen trying to run away was not one of those things however. 'Come on! Amelia was right about one thing, you really need to start acting your own age dude.'
Not for any particular reason or anything, (it wasn't like he was stuck with a bunch of youths taken from their homes or anything) but Fen wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone. The only thing he was interested in at that moment was checking the number of points he had, and the options he had. Survival prioritized everything else, even other people. Especially people who he didn't give two craps about.
The chase continued even after the group reached their room, with Amelia and Gray trailing behind and questioning their choice to follow them. Sure, they all had to go to the same place, but following a guy who was chasing the teenage manifestation of a child was more than a little embarrassing. The Opfer they passed by all had the same look on their face, something like 'what the heck are these idiots doing?' The words they imagined they said branded the humiliation into their hearts.
They could only endure the humiliation, holding in the tears of shame, and hope that their points awaiting them inside the room would be worth it. However, as there was no way to check if the points they had were a lot or not, they could only hope that they would find out somehow by reading the prices of the items and other useful things available and comparing their quality to the number of points they cost.
"Come on! Just stop and have a conversation with me! We were all having a good time with the Archon, what changed since then? You were fine and then your mood just flipped like a damn switch as soon as we left that room." The frustration building up inside of Qin began to poke it's ugly head as his face had small frown, frustration and the fact that he was much more winded than he wanted to admit for just running through some halls. At the same time, he was even more angry because Fen didn't even seem to be out of breath.
He turned around and finally answered to the guy he was trying to avoid.
"Cause that was magic, use your head. They're masters of the Magical Arts, remember? And I definitely didn't forget about how they made my skin crawl when they took me from my family, so nauseous I couldn't even breath. Can't be that difficult to just reverse the effect and make someone pumped full of adrenaline, right?" The memory was still fresh in Fen's mind, how the walls spun around him like he was a top surrounded by other tops spinning from every direction until his entire world became nothing but vertigo.
"You didn't notice how as soon as you left that room your head suddenly became clearer? Or why such a boring speech could make you feel like there was fire running through your veins?" Fen shook his head. "Well, I did, and took notice of that. This isn't a place where you can act ignorant and then go home. They didn't lie about the Task; you will have to kill or be killed.
"You know what, we may become friends in the future, but first you need to learn to take care of yourself, or we won't be friends for long."
Teachers didn't start caring for their students at least until half of the year was over, but they said that they did to get kids to behave. For someone that they had never met to suddenly declare their love for all of them was as suspicious as it was creepy, and the Archon checked off every box for creepy. No normal person gets that excited while shocking kids. Or maybe punishing would be a better word for her actions?
While the others gathered near to the box while pondering his words, Fen went to his room. There was no point in checking the box and it would do him more good to think alone. When the door shut behind him and latched shut, he fell to his knees.
The tiredness of the day had been circling around his head throughout the day, piling up and wearing down his mind. When he was finally alone, the events of the day rushed in and soaked him in emotions, flooding his head with anxiety and, the most devastating, the crushing feeling of knowing that he was alone. There was no Miko, no Alex, no Mom or Dad to talk to and feel better after ranting about a bad day.
He was entirely alone, in a place surrounded by a damn Void. Tears fell from his eyes as his hands clutched at his chest, trying to fight off the waves of emotion that battered him down. The only thing he accomplished by doing that was increasing the rate at which his hands trembled however.
When he was a kid, he was alone because of his own actions, putting a wall between him and the other kids. 'No one is good enough or cares enough for me.'
That was a lie. Fen was just afraid of caring too much, and being left alone. Later when he was together with Miko, he could laugh at his own childhood idiocy; the fear of being abandoned drove him to isolate himself from everyone else, removing the possibility of ever making a friend.
When sobs began to escape from his tightened throat, he remembered when the first miracle entered his life. When Alex was born, Fen felt such joy, which only increased when it finally sunk in and he realized; that he wouldn't have to be alone anymore! The joy he felt then only drove the stakes of loneliness deeper into his heart, of loss when he thought about his family's expressions before he collapsed. Their anger, their fear had hurt him in a way that a fist or a knife would never be able to accomplish.
His worst nightmare took form that night, and forced him to live through it. He thought that he would be able to endure it and later come back home, but he felt this way after only a single day. How could he make it, alone, for even a month, not even mentioning that Fen would have to spend an entire year in this damned place.
When the second, and most important miracle entered his life, Fen truly considered himself blessed. Although, it would be more apt to say that the miracle never left his life, and he experienced true happiness when he finally realized it was there. Miko had never left him, and wore down his lack of self-worth until she was able to caress his heart. Every time he treated her badly, trying to force her to leave him like all the others, she saw through the act, and truly noticed the lonely boy hidden behind the glaring face. The hatred in his eyes back then wasn't directed towards her, but at himself, for lacking the strength to reach out to anybody else. For being too much of a coward to reach out even after realizing that his isolation was his own doing.
And now that he had the strength to do exactly that, he couldn't. He didn't know if the people he trusted now would live one day and be dead the next; was there a point in befriending someone who would only leave him in death? Fen never had to worry about Miko dying, and yet, somehow death was the only thing on his mind now.
Ever since he saw those dead grey eyes, felt Malique's still warm throat in between his hands, the thought of death distorted his every action.
'How can I make it without her?'
'No, I shouldn't think that. I need to survive this. For her. What would she think if I didn't come back? It'd be really ironic if the guy afraid of being abandoned abandons his girlfriend, now wouldn't it. Can't have that.' His mind tried to calm himself down, clamping down on his chest to stop more sobs from coming out. Lying down on his side, he rationalized his feelings, hoping that by simplifying his problems he could feel better.
'But at the same time, I mustn't become a monster. I will survive as myself, not as some rage-filled abomination.' Fen slowly began to formulate his own resolve. He couldn't squander Miko's hard work to make him more human, that would disgrace her name. Even as his will hardened, the roiling emotions in his chest continued wracking his body with heavy sobs.
Time passed slowly as his tears continued to fall, echoing in the room along with strained sobs.
****
The sound Fen's door made when it opened and closed drew the attention of the youths sitting down at the table. Qin was the first one to say something in the following awkward silence.
"You can use the Shop now. We all finished, we're talking about our plan now. You can join us if you'd like." Qin was quick on the uptake. Making allies was the first step, becoming friends was optional. What he really wanted was another person to trust, someone he could have a conversation with. Amelia was too emotional or passionate to see the big picture he referenced, while Gray was, well, Gray. Too naïve and young to truly understand anything.
Fen however had shown his ability to understand complex situations, like when he noticed the effects of magic inside the amphitheater, and he was smart enough to be suspicious of the VPF, even when Qin himself had foolishly believed in them.
Fen looked up from the piece of paper he was writing on, his eyes bloodshot. The look on his face was not what someone would expect had they known that he had spent over an hour sobbing on the floor; his visage was much fiercer than before, but instead of directing anger towards Qin and the others it was projected at something else beyond their view.
"Thanks for the offer, but I decided to take some of that crazy Archon's words at face value, and get some information before I make a decision on anything." His eyes swept from Qin to Amelia before finally landing on Gray, making the hair on his neck stand on end from the savage light inside Fen's eyes.
"After I do, I'll tell you what I plan on doing. For now I'll settle with being allies. I need people I can trust and you happen to fit the bill." Finally, his gaze left Gray, causing him to inwardly sigh with relief. His body had unconsciously tensed up when he felt Fen's eyes on him, and started to relax again.
At his mean words, Amelia retorted, but her voice carried much less energy than before. Her exhaustion was created from the amount of talking she had done with Gray and Qin as well as spending so much time glaring into the Shop's bright surface, making her irritable but with less energy to argue.
"Fit the bill? I think we're overqualified for the position, but whatever. Meet us back here when you're done." With that, she turned back to the table to finalize what the group would purchase from the interface, and then move on to figuring out the purpose for the big screen that covered an entire section of a wall in the room.
Finished talking, Fen walked out of the room and headed to a Training Hall, a place where an instructor or instructors taught a certain subject or discipline. Specifically, he was intending to talk with Raisen.