13/01/31
I have deteriorated as a king. My previous ambitions to perfect and refine the role of king, swept under the previous ambitions of all the tyrants before me. My childhood abandoned by truth. Where to go from here? Nowhere. I made myself a tyrant, now I must live as one. Dreams of a utopian town where over kings drooled for my guidance; the world flocking to me as their guide, them my disciples; I could have guided them to God and Ira, forget Tristitia and vanquish the six sins remaining. Marry Luxuria, starve Gula, exhaust Acedia, rob Avaritia, expose Vanagloria, humble Superbia; with our arrival Ira will become calm and God satisfied. But no. I threw it away, understanding its futility. We are children so we can dream. We are adults so we can forget them. Cruel and true, but the truth is cruel. A single prayer unanswered should have sparked such honesty in my soul but it failed to do so, even after a thousand prayers unanswered. I still pray, keep faith; maybe my Rose can improve on my failed attempt. If I am to believe in anything it is her; or Antoinette. All that is left for me to pray for is Rose's future and Antoinette's past. I want to see her again, but will I have the chance, will God grant me an eternal death with her, or will I be forced to find her once again once we are both reincarnated.
Fool's speak this is. Of course, if I keep faith, God will grant me answers later, I hope. My tenure has cemented itself as a failure so I must focus on the future. It will be Rose's reign, not mine, that guides people to the other end of Lacus Dei. She is still a child so she can still dream, perhaps if one is not allowed to grow up, these dreams can manifest into truth. My role is no longer that of a king; I am a father first and foremost; a tyrant is the other. As my reputation matters no longer, I can sacrifice it for her, for her family – not mine, mine is dead.
16/01/31
My reputation is presently burning on the steaks. Marcus has no job; therefore, he can no longer support his child. It is this child that seeks my head. Talks of a rebellion has circulated its way to me, small but growth inevitable; an impoverished town the perfect breeding spot for rebellions like these. This does not phase me, I am willing to die now, I no longer need a life to accomplish my remaining dream. Rose has grown strong, even if only a child, God is watching over her, Ira will train her. My job is done. Antoinette's role was to birth her; her role was finished, so she moved on. My role was to raise her past the mortality of childhood; my role is finished, almost. A few more years to complete. I must not trap myself in these pages any longer. Rose must be matured.
27/12/41
My final chapter is nearing. Ten years and Rose has grown too wise of her surroundings, far more than I was at her age. At her age I became king, she is more than ready for kingship, but not for the kingship she will undertake. My dream is not accomplished by a meagre king; only one sitting next to God can dream it into existence.
She will face many troubles soon. The rebellion of one has become a group. Seven strong now, a relative force in the area. I expect my trial to come soon. While a regular tyrant would have taken their heads many years ago, I have grown too weak for that. The leader is the daughter of Marcus. As I will leave my dreams with Rose, he has left his with his daughter. Marcus, I know you are undoubtedly separate from your physical body as of now, I do not regret my actions. No, I am sorry. That was disrespectful to you. I cannot regret my actions old friend. It may seem cruel, but it is true; God has chosen these paths for us. If it brings you any joy, I have suffered equally to you. My dreams collapsing, my family descending into rapture, we are more alike than ever before. Perhaps in the next life we will sit and drink away our pains side by side, or search for our friendship in different names and memories. Perhaps you will never forgive me lest I further my suffering.
Do not fret Marcus, I intend no harm to come to your daughter. She is a strong woman now. I sent my butler, Asif, many years ago now, to watch over her as her guardian. Marcus, as I know you never harboured hate for Rose, I have never harboured hatred for your daughter, Fajr. I am jealous of your nurturing as a father; you have done greater than I could. Rose taught herself most of the knowledge I had drilled into my head by teachers, she is a natural genius. You Marcus, have nurtured a genius.
I do not plan to keep you waiting much longer, my plans have already been drafted. Over the years, I have sent many a demon Fajr's way and she has swiftly dealt with each of them. I had Asif with her, so no harm presented itself to her in truth. I expect even if it had, she would not have been tested by it; that is how much of a genius she is, equal in strength to a demon. You should be proud.
Her final test is on the horizon. A new group, Hanko, has been searching for jobs. They are not hitmen or assassins; they will not kill Fajr. What piqued my interest is their members themselves. A demon, two humans, and one undefined. How a cast can coexist is beyond me, but it has happened. I am hoping to interview them soon, as they are on their way.
Marcus, our children shall further our dreams without us.