It had been 17 years since that unfortunate day. My brother Adam, he still hates me. I hope he decides to forgive me, but I don't think he ever will. He has made his life goal to ensure that I can never have a happy life. It had been 9 years since he let me live a free life, but he still keeps a track of my movement. He had warned me against leaving the city and if I dared to disobey him, the consequences would not look good for me.
Sometimes I feel like I want to go to the cops or the authorities and register a complaint against him, however, that is also not on the plates for me. He knew that the quality of tortures he inflicted on me, I would go to the cops one day, and he made his life goal to become a cop himself, and not just any random cop but to clear the Indian Police Service so that he becomes an authoritative figure and if that was not all, he made sure to have a clean image in the department, everyone in the police department knows about his reputation as a no-nonsense cop, and so if there is a complaint registered against him no one would believe it and it would be ignored.
I wanted to know if he really meant the consequences of running away from the city. I even planned a couple of times to run away, go as far away from him as possible, I kept shifting cities so that he cannot find me, but somehow he would always figure out where I was and then he would get his buddies to get me back. I kept trying to figure out how he comes to know where I was, but I always hit a blank wall, and just like that I finally gave up. The consequences of running away from the city terrify me the most now, during my first attempt he let me go with a warning, however when I attempted to run away the next time... he did something that was really cruel... I will tell you about what he did in due time.
He got me a 3 Bedroom flat so that I could stay in the same city he lives in and not make plans to run away again. Whenever he has a bad day he would often come over to my flat and spend time with me. What we do together within the confinement of the flat, for him it was fun, for me it was... I don't know what I should call it... just know that it is extremely unpleasant.
However that was not all, my family, I mean my foster family had 3 daughters, Florence, Helen, and Amy they would occasionally come over to the flat too, and fool around with me and make fun of my miserable life. Other than my sisters there were his two best friends who would occasionally come over to the flat too. These 2 boys were the same boys I made the mistake of bullying on an unfortunate day.
I don't know how to say this but at times I feel like I was their personal concubine. Adam and his 2 friends liked to call me Slut, Bitch, Whore, or use similar derogatory terms.
There was a mandate he had in place for me where I live. I had to follow a set of rules. A few of them are the same I used to follow during my stay with the foster family and a couple of new ones have been added to it. There would be consequences if I am not following them. Besides that, no outsiders were allowed in the house too, not even for my counseling session.
Miserable as my life is, My brother and my sisters have strictly warned me against making friends. They know that I have a special talent where I can make any friend with just a snap of my fingers and they are actually afraid of it. When I say snap of my fingers, I meant that Over the years, whenever I tried making friends Adam would create a situation that made them abhor me for what I was.
Well over the years most of my life decisions were mostly decided by Adam or Florence and my foster parents would blindly agree to it.
Florence is a high-profile judicial magistrate and I have been seeing in newspapers that she is about to become a judge in Mumbai high-court in the next 2 years. Amy is into the medical profession and is a highly qualified doctor. Helen is still completing her studies. She plans to become a plastic surgeon one day. As for me, I am a clinical psychologist myself.
Would you be baffled to know that I wanted to become an aerospace engineer and had a dream of joining Rosaviakosmos one day? Rosaviakosmos is also known as the Russian Aviation and Space Agency. However, this dream was also taken away from me by Adam when he convinced my parents that I don't have what it takes to be an aerospace engineer and instead my life would be better off as a psychologist.
Even though he has made my life miserable, or in other words a living hell, every now and then he keeps giving me things to see a smile on my face. At times I used to love the gifts he gave me, like last year he got me a twin-seater Mercedes for my travel from home to work or this flat which he gifted me. He even helped me set up the clinic where I practice, however whenever he calls me, I had to leave everything and go to meet him without wasting a moment. Every furniture in the house, every clothes I wear, all of them were gifted by him. Actually the clothes I wear at home were mostly gifted to me by my sisters.
I occasionally keep asking him if he would ever stop hurting me and he keeps telling me that on the day I and my friends bullied him, his soul was hurt. The day he thinks that his soul is healed up he will stop hurting me. He keeps saying that he will let me go the day he fully destroys my self-confidence. His vengeance will be finally complete the day I turn 30. I guess I have 2 more days to go to know what he has in store for me.
Would you be surprised to know that he took 22 attempts to destroy my self-confidence, however, I don't know there was something within me which helped me get over the tortures he inflicted on me? I cannot explain what that is. Maybe Phoenix or my doctor Amelia would understand it better and explain to you how did I survive the ordeal.
I had written it down on my journals about the 22 attempts and I still don't know how I was able to survive even after the disgusting things Adam did to me. To tell you the truth I really don't know why I have written it down. He keeps asking me to be 30 years soon so that he can complete his final revenge and be gone from my life and will never return to torment me ever again. He even tells me that even if he is not able to complete his final goals, he will still let me go and will never bother me again.
I have 3 more days left to be 30 years old now and I still have no clue what are the 2 things he plans on taking away from me. However, I am happy that I have only 3 days to go before that happy day finally comes.
There is one thing I forgot to mention amidst all the cribbings. I have a medical condition, more like a genetic disorder that happens to one in a million. This condition is called Endocrine Ambiguity. It is not a disease or anything but those who get to know about this condition, confuses it with Transvestism and then, they get disgusted by me. Transvestism is considered taboo in most countries and in our country, you should be extremely lucky if your family decides to raise you as a part of your family.
However my parents were really supportive and thankfully they are among the learned lot who tried to get help from counselors to understand what Endocrine Ambiguity meant and with a lot of counseling sessions and love showered by my parents, it helped me cope up with my issues. However, Adam never understood it and always considered me to be a fruitcake.
I guess I think I have described a lot about myself and I know you are eagerly waiting to know what are his 22 attempts at destroying my self-confidence. Let's begin my story of "living within the shadows of my brother."
Before we proceed to the next chapter you might want to know my name. I am really not sure what you should call me, Most of the time I am Amell Harper, for my family, I am Amanda Harper but for Amanda and Amell you can call me the Phoenix.
"TO BE CONTINUED..."