I wake up in my father's old study, Karrie still staying by my side and looking really worried. She remains silent for a few seconds, before finally speaking.
"You were a few words away from dooming us all, Tamarie." I nod, aware of the mistakes I've made, but not regretting a thing I've done.
"But we're fine, aren't we?" I defend myself, but Karrie just shakes her head.
"For now," she says, her eyes focused to the study and the maps on it. "I thought you learnt from my mistakes," her eyes face mine as she continues. "Our desires have the power to destroy us. We need to be smart during those times, because everyone is counting on us. If you make a hole in your cage to escape it, you may hurt your wings on the broken bars and end up forever in an open prison. You need to be patient, be cunning and get the key that will guarantee your freedom. Only then you'll be able to soar the skies again."
I sigh deeply and raise from the old couch, pacing the floor of the room. "Why my mistakes count more than others? Than yours?" I threw my hands in air, exasperation filling my motions. Karrie isn't able to answer my question and it only further annoys me.
"It's your destiny, your burden to bear only, Tammi," she finally speaks and I roll my eyes. I hate that word, destiny. Who thought that I'm strong enough to do the crap I'm supposed to? I'm sure I'll break before reaching half of this bloody mission I have.
It used to be better; I used to be better at controlling my anger, keeping my helplessness hidden and just following the rules I was raised to obey. But not anymore. I want to evade, leave and return when everything has been sorted out. My whole being aches to be somewhere else, beside someone else. But I'm cursed to an existance of servitude, of surrending to the orders I'm being given and not question them. Or the people who gave them. A mere pawn, protecting the king until the checkmate move is made.
"Was he there too?" Karrie says and I shake my head.
"You've seen everything, why ask?"
"It wouldn't be the first time you hide something when letting me see your memories," she remembers me and I click my tongue.
"It was an one-time thing," I defend myself. "And I did show you the real scene afterwards."
"Because I was able to see through your charade, but you're always perfectioning your carvings."
"He's in Boulder too," I tell my sister and her face pales as she realises who I'm refering to. "I could sense his trace on Adeline."
"Good for him," she answers coldly, but I see an avalanche of emotions battling behind her green eyes.
"Have you thought about seeing him again?" I ask and she hesitases before answering.
"Every waking hour," she answers truthfully and a few wild tears gather in her eyes, but none falls. "Because in my dreams we're together again."
My heart breakes at her answer, but I have no chance to comfort my sister, because an knock echoes in the room. "Enter," says my sister and her tears disappear as the door opens.
"Your presence is requested at the palace," says Eric and I nod. I don't say a word to Karrie before leaving the study with my brother, knowing that nothing I could say would ease the pain my sister feels now. Because I been feeling just the same, ever since Halloween.
I walk along Eric on the polished hallways, leaving our manor and getting in the awaiting carriage. I try to make a speech in my mind, but I know that I may not be given the chance to say a word, before my punishment is set. Instead, I let my head rest on the window and look to the fading valley, the setting sun and the slow conquest of the night over the sky.
What if I run away now? I think, but the cowardly of it makes me dismiss the possibility immediately.
But if I stay, will the outcome be worth all the suffering? Will...
"We're here," says Eric and exits the carriage. I gather all my remaining strenght before raising from the bench and run after my brother.
Is it really worth it?
***
— A L I N E
I dream again of that beautiful valley, at the edge of a forest with skyscraper trees and softer-than-silk grass; of that flock of firebirds chirping a comforting lullaby from the highest branches of the rich canopies. Their flaming tails were leaving ashes behind in their flight from a branch to another, the cinders carried away by a mild, summer breeze. I lay on the grass, my eyes gazing at the bluest sky I've ever seen, the sun rays slightly carresing my face. I turn my head to the right and I see them, the den of vampires that swore to kill me for what I've done to their kind. I try to get up and run, but I'm bound to the ground. I trash and scream, but it only amuses the blood-thirsty monsters. I cry for help and I'm mocked by the leader of the den, as he comes right by my side. He kneels by my helpless body and the smirk of triumph on his face makes me want to punch him. But I can't even blink, all the muscles in my body refusing to obey to my command. I await for my impending end as he bares his flash-cutting teeth, lowering his mouth closer to my neck. His fangs sink into my skin and I scream from the bottom of my lungs, the valley fading from my view and darkness covering everything around me. I try to fight unconsciousness, but something pulls me farther away from there. A familiar presence nears me and I cling to it like a miraculous lifeline.
And I wake up again in Asher's arms, sobbing like a baby until I run out of tears. And he lets me calm down, kissing my forehead and lovingly reassuring me that I'm safe. When he's sure that I'm not going to break down if he leaves my side, he goes to the kitchen and makes me one of the teas Kale recommended for my sleeping problems. I climb out of the bed after he closes our room's door, going to the balcony and listening to the quietness of the night. Here is where Asher found me again tonight, sitting on one of the lounges and hugging my knees tightly to my chest.
"It's rather chilly tonight, would you like a blanket?" He asks as he hands me the tea and I shake my head, continuing to stare blankly at the view before me.
"I'm going to destroy those vampires," he says, taking a seat beside me, caressing my back to comfort me.
"It's not them," I say, taking a sip of the warm tea. "I've fought monsters before, have been barely saved from this kind of situations more times than I can remember. Such things never broke me before," I explain, taking my eyes from the woods ahead and facing him. "It's my rescue that troubles me."
"I know..."
Asher sighs and I know that he's more furious than me because of my episode of amnesia. Even more because it's not the first time I escape a situation by miraculously 'transporting' myself somewhere safe. The first time it was the night Thomas attacked him, when I got to Kale's cottage without remembering how I arrived there at all. Now, I recall the moment Thalia escaped and that I was desperately trying to find a way to save myself too. I closed my eyes for what it seemed a second, only to wake up with Thalia's torch in my eyes. They found me at the northern border of the pack, laying beside an old oak tree, soaking wet for whatever reason, and without a clue of how I ended up there or how I escaped the den. Of course, the vampires must know what I did to save myself, but it wouldn't be wise to ask them. Besides, they're not the only ones who could give an answer to this...
"I'm going to see Thomas," I tell Asher and he growls at the name.
"No, you're not. We'll figure it out on our own."
"It's either him or the vampires," I tell him and he seems as displeased by our choices as I am. But I'm short on alternatives right now. "He won't hurt me, I won't let him."
"I'll make sure of it," says Asher, his hands growing into fists and a slight trace of revenge turns the green of his eyes into the blood he intends to spill.
"No, you'll not. You let me deal with it, alone."
I finish the tea and get up from the lounge, entering the room but not approaching the bed even if I was exhausted. I almost got my sleep schedule back on track, ever since Asher and I became rather cozy, but now it's as ruined as in the weeks after Ancestors' Day. Not even Asher's comforting presence scares away the nightmares taunting me not with the monsters it presents me, but the constant reminder of my memory loss and how important it's to figure out what happened in those missing hours of my life. I can't really say why, but I know it's vital to find the truth and I know I won't be able to leave Boulder before I do. As the departure approaches, I need to hurry with my search.
It's almost five in the morning, so I decide to start my mission early. I take the blue jeans and grey jumper Bee borrowed me and get in the shower. I don't waste time on make-up or anything, but I put my hair into a ponytail and exit the bathroom to gather my weapons. Or weapon. I promised Asher not to take any missions because of the disastrous state I'm in, but I insisted on having a couple weapons with me to defend myself if needed. And even if I couldn't bring any guns or daggers, my bow made the cut.
"Do you want to have breakfast before you leave?" Ashers asks when he sees me hopping the bow on my arm and I nod.
"Sure."
The house was quiet as it always is in the mornings. I've learned over the few days I spent here that the wolves of the pack are not morning people and most of them should be avoided at the breakfast table. Especially Phoebe who, as sweet as she is the rest of the time, she shows her true nature in the first hours after waking up.
But now there's only Asher and I, standing before two cups of freshly-brewed coffee and waiting for the leftovers to heaten up in the microwave. "You call me if anything happens," he asks seriously, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Nothing will happen, but I'll call you after I find out the answers I want."
"Do you want to drive to your dorm and pick some more weapons?" His eyes were on my arrows and their unusual colored ends. "You really don't want me to come with you? Just to be there, I won't interfere in any way."
"I know you wouldn't, but I can't be sure that Thomas won't try to put another dagger through your heart, so it's better if I go alone."
"Go where?" Chimes in Hayder, along with a sleepyhead Chase, taking a seat on the chairs across from Asher and I.
"To get myself some answers," I answer and judging by the lack of reactions on both their faces, I assume they already knew. I whip my head to Asher, waiting for a very good explanation.
"Before you get mad, I called them so you won't worry about me getting hurt again," he tells me. "We'll stay out of your way, if he acts nice."
"Honestly, I'm hoping he won't so I'll finally get the chance to fix his priviliged face a little," joked Hayder, but my attention is elsewhere.
"He'll know you're there."
"Then he'll think twice about pulling a stunt like the last time," adds Chase and I shake my head. Not only because I know Thomas will be far from restrained if he realises I brought company, but because he might be tempted to share information about more than my escape.
And that would ruin everything.
I'm more willing to go to the vampire's territory, than to face Thomas with three Lycans guarding my back and listening to everything the Elf will like to share. This mission can go wrong in so many ways, that it may end up worsening my situation. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to take responsability for destroying the mission that all the hunters' worldwide worked months to prepare. But do I have a choice?
"Let's go then," I say, trying to hid my panic and uneasiness as we walk to Hayder's car and prepare for the worst.