I woke up from another nightmare and I nearly gave myself a pat on the back for managing to keep my screams from escaping my mouth this time. Not only because I'm starting to get a sore throat from all the shouting, but also because it's the first night Bee can get a good night sleep. After the hell I gave her the last few weeks, and in the middle of the midterm exams I must mention, I'm surprised she didn't ask for another roommate. I know I should have if she proved to be psychotic at day and suffering of sleep terrors at night.
I get out of the bed and get my slippers on. I dress in the hoodie that was resting on the chair before my desk and I quietly leave the room. I walk to the common balcony at the end of the hallway, opening the glass door and sitting on the old loveseat that was brought by some students here. A made-up coffee table, that was a cardboard box with a tray on it, was right in front of me. The ashtrays on the table were full, but no one was bothering to empty them. Most were using almost-empty coffee cups as ashtrays. I scoop the pack of cigarettes that I keep inside the left pocket of my hoodie. I quitted this bad habit before my senior year of high school, but lately, I've succumbed back to my old ways. Mostly because there is not much to do in the dead of night, after a nightmare wakes you up, besides smoking on the balcony and trying to calm down your inner demons.
It's never the same dream, but it's always a terrifying one. Either I'm reliving the day my parents announced my departure, though in the dream I'm not sent to the States, but I'm thrown into the Sewers. Although I never visited the place, my mind managed to build up a pretty horrifying place to torture me. I've even dreamt of the damaged church that den of vampires destroyed, only now the blood I was cleaning wasn't coming from a stranger's body, but from people I know like: my brothers, Beatrice, William, even Hayder and the rest of the pack. Asher wasn't amongst the bodies... as he was the one to cause that bloodshed. This is the only dream whose ending I can't remember exactly. He either killed me, or I killed him, or, perhaps, we both died fighting. That's the most fitting end, I assume.
But so far, the most frightened one was the one I had in the morning after I've come back from the wolves' ceremony in the woods. And because I was so happy that my nightmares didn't repeat, tonight had to be the exception. Once again, I was back in that little flat at the outskirts of Liverpool, watching everything around me bursting in flames. Fire dancing along the hospital bed that sick girl was lying in, scorched pieces of wood falling at my feet like comets. I was watching her, no longer confined to the bed, but wide awake and watching me with a devious grin. Because she knew that, this time, I was the one that will turn into a pile of ash. I didn't dare to ask how was she even alive or why is she taunting me like this, because it was clear why she was there: to help me atone for my sins. Or my family's.
There have been periods in my life when my sleep was seriously disturbed by the demons that come at night to haunt me for my wrongdoings but never lasted this long. Neither I was so affected by it, to the point that I'm a useless zombie during the day. I've even got myself a sabbatical from hunting, considering the recent events. Not that anyone was displeased by my choice, especially after my mother told everyone about my alliance with the werewolves and the, supposed, role I played in hurting Will. Officially, my life is more of a wreck than usual.
"So that's why your clothes have been smelling like my aunt's kitchen drapes after game night." Says Bee, taking a seat beside me on the loveseat.
"Did I wake you up again?" I ask, pretty sure that I was as quiet as possible when I left the room.
"No, but I forgot to turn off my Wi-Fi and my family's group chat just became pretty active. I guess they forgot that we're not in the same time zone." She explains, putting her feet on the table and pushing away the ashtrays. "And when I wanted to go back to sleep, I saw that your bed was empty so I just wanted to make sure that you're fine."
"I am," I assure her, throwing the fag I had between my fingers into the ashtray and getting up.
"I don't mean to be a nosy roomie, but I can't keep my mouth shut any longer, Ally." She gets up to face me, crossing her arms around her chest. Her face was stern and she was ready to put up a hell of a fight if I dared to evade this conversation.
"What do you want, Béatrice?" I ask her and if my narky attitude affected her in any way, she didn't show it. I hoped it would disarm her a bit, but I'm not that lucky.
"Well, Adeline," she spits my full name at me, unintentionally proving me that my tone did affect her. "I was hoping to talk to you about what the hell is happening to you."
"More than is worth being discussed," I answer simply, waiting for her to give up on this interrogation. "I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but a talk won't do the trick, Bee."
"Then what? Don't you want someone to help you fix your problem?" She is slightly shouting at me, which makes me roll my eyes. "Or you think is not a big deal?
"Aline, you're not getting any sleep, you're barely attending classes, or leaving the room for that matter. Why would you delay a solution to such a problem?"
Because, my dear, nosey roommate, I have no one, with the expertise, that is willing to help me.
If I weren't a disgraced hunter, I could have asked one of the shrinks at Yetis to help me with my sleeping problems. Because they've treated hunters with annoying consciences before, unlike a university counsellor who wouldn't understand why I dream of being murdered every single night. My only hope right now is that the dreams will stop, at some point, and that I will be able to live my life again. On the other hand, my worst fear is that my condition will only worsen as we approach Will and Asher's trial.
Just the other week I've been notified that my mother made a heck of a case from that mere threat, which is bringing me and the Lycans in front of a jury of hunters. After I've received the letter, I've called home and asked Zoey to try and figure out my mother's plan for this trial. I've been more than surprised when I've got a call from Jonty, who has been digging through my mother's documents after her departure and found my almost-complete file of transfer from the Sewers to the Unseelie Court. Although my brother dismissed it, the only logical reason I found for being taken to the fairies would be that my family is planning on selling me as a human slave. Because a hunter can't serve jail time in the Sewers, I'll be given community service with the unseelies, which is far worse than any prison.
"I don't know what to do, Bee," I answer honestly, taking a deep breath and shaking my head in defiance. "I guess I'm just waiting for this bad phase to pass."
"Bad phase? Aline, you can try to make your problem appear as minor as you wish, but it won't shrink and disappear like a pimple. You need to face it, head-on."
"And as much as you hate human interactions, talking does help when you're spiralling. Take it from someone who had people like you walking into my mother's office every day."
"A therapeutical session won't help me, Bee."
"I know it won't, but let me help you, Aline." She pleas, but I'm ready to refuse her. "At least give me tomorrow. If it won't help you, I'll let it slide."
I pounder for a moment, then see the opportunity that opens before me. Of course, her plan won't work, but at least I'll get Bee to stop trying to fix me.
"Just one day," I tell her and she immediately nods.
"One day," my roommate agrees cheerfully, jumping to the balcony doors and disappearing into the hallways.
She shouts for me to follow her, but I stall. I steal another moment of peace, watching the sun rays slowly colouring in yellow, orange and red the dark blue sky. My eyes are locked on the woods, on the green of the trees as rich as a bag of emeralds spread across my eyes. The thickness of the woods hid perfectly the little community that was existing in the middle of this nature's safe haven, and although I couldn't see it, I knew exactly where to pinpoint it. A little more to the east, just under the early-morning sunlight, was the house where I've had my last good night sleep. The only place my demons couldn't get to, the only place I shouldn't miss. And I don't.
Do I?