Nabi.
Nabi.
NA-BI.
Gosh, skipping Adji, again?
That voice was familiar. Was that Raquel?
I opened my eyes, and she was there, sitting beside me, watching me with full concern.
"Are you having a bad dream? You're sweating"
A dream?!
I look around. I'm on my favorite hideout again, the cliff. I can see the sapphire ocean, sparkling, and dancing as usual.
Was that a dream?
I breathe. I can definitely smell the ocean's breeze.
So, was that just a nightmare?
Once my head has cleared, I grab and hug Raquel very tight. I can feel her warmth.
That nightmare was so real! So fucking real!
Tears start to roll out of my eyes. I'm sobbing.
Why it feels so realistic? Why I can remember every second of it? The pain, the fire, the lighting, I can feel and see them clearly.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I can't help but apologize.
She might be confused just like I do, but she didn't ask any further. She hugs me tighter while patting my head. I buried my face on her chest while crying.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I said again.
"You don't need to." She whispered kindly on my ears.
Then, with an ominous tone, she continued.
"After all, you can't bring back the past."
After hearing those words, everything around me turns black.
She's gone.
It was real.
She's definitely gone!
I shouted as loud as I could but my voice won't come out.
I remember the outsider.
I'm going to kill him! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM. I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE WHO KILLS RAQUEL, RORO, AND EVERYONE ELSE!
"That's funny."
Another familiar voice joins me in the darkness.
"Who are you?!"
Of course, I know him. He's me.
"You're the one who killed them, right?"
He laughed sinisterly.
I cover both of my ears in despair. I can't hear it. I can't hear it. I can't hear it. I didn't kill anyone. I didn't kill anyone.
Despite saying this, I know that deep down my heart, I'm at fault.
"Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahaha. Atone. Atone. Atone. You're an idiot. You're useless. Atone! Atone! Hahahahahahaha.
His voice echoes in the darkness. No, my condemning voice filled my head. I'm hopeless. I'm hopeless. I'm-
SLAP.
I opened my eyes for the second time. My cheek hurts like hell.
"W-what are you doing?! I told you to treat him. Wh-why do you need to hit him with a frying fan?"
"I already healed him but he won't wake up. I'm sure he's just pretending to be asleep- Uh, he's awake."
Two adults argue right in front of me.
Where am I?
I look around. The room sways back and forth. I can hear and smell the ocean. I must be in a sort of fishing boat, much bigger than ours.
I don't have the energy to move. Although my arms and legs are binds from the bed, I don't plan on resisting. Now that I remember, my life is over anytime.
Just thinking about everyone, my tears roll down from my eyes.
���Why are you crying? You don't have the right to cry." I heard the familiar voice I met in the darkness.
Yeah, that's right. It's my fault. I should bury this emotion. I have to atone.
"Now that he's awake, what should we do?" The adult with a lady like features, in my estimate five feet tall, spoke.
"Ah, we- we can't report him to the authority. You know, they might discover that we're fishing in the forbidden zone."
Considering how much the ladylike one obeys and asked this person, he must be the one in charge. He looks nothing extra-ordinary. He's tall and thin, with a haggard long hair. He looks stressed and acts very cowardly.
"Ah, if only one of us knew how to read! Out of all the occasions, why do we need to fish in the forbidden zone during the major elites' raid?" The cowardly adult scratch his head.
"We shouldn't pick him up in the first place." The ladylike man continued.
"You can't be serious! He's just a kid. He's severely injured. Furthermore, you know how the government works, right? Even if there's no clear evidence that you're cursed, they'll kill you! That what happens to their island as the descendants of the cursed! "
"Then what should we do? We have a debt to pay but we don't have any catch because of that stupid raid. If only I could turn him to the government. I'll be compensated."
It's clear that the ladylike man has a nasty personality, but I don't care what happens at this point. In fact, I'll be very pleased if they'll kill me now.
"Oh, he wants to kill himself."
For a moment, I was shocked. How could he know it?
"Hahahahaha. He knows because he's a healer. Let us introduce ourselves. This is my employee Ven, and I'm Lee. We're running an odd-job business called Axum. You came from Bia right?"
He haggard man named Lee smiled warmly, probably showing that he's not a threat. I don't really care. That outsider smiled at me warmly too, just to betray me later on.
"I heard in the news today that the cursed people living in the Bia has never interacted from the outside world. We watch the fight last night right?" Ven asked Lee.
"Yeah."
"And, there's no resistance on the other side. It was dark so it's easy to spot the colors and forms of power used. Aside from the vanishing barrier, every discharged energy came from elites."
"That only means two things. Their residents don't have someone powerful enough to fight the elite or they don't know anything about the power at all." Ven continued.
"I heard that most of the dead bodies are children and grannies." Lee replied.
After hearing that, Ven grinned and looked at me with disgust.
"Now, I know why he's acting that way. Why he wanted to kill himself and why he doesn't look surprised when he sees us. He didn't even flinch or looks puzzled when we mentioned the thing 'cursed'. He didn't plead for his life or jump at us with pure hatred. I doubt he has a power too since he didn't show one as soon as he wakes up. Rather, he looks like he hates himself more than anyone else.
You, you must have been used by them, Am I wrong?" Ven smirked.
My eyes widened. How can he tell?
"Oh, I'm right!" Did you see that? He gave me a reaction! Ven's eyes sparkle.
"That's not something to be happy about!" the president cut him off.
"Yeah, right. We still don't know what to do about this guy."
After careful thought, Lee came closer to my bed.
"Hmmm. How about we hire him? Kid, can you read?"
"Ah, I think it's a good idea!"
"Right? We can let him do all the reading. He's an escapee so he'll be indebted to us. He won't run away either since he has no one to depend on."
"You're a genius boss, and also scary! I thought you're a good person deep inside." Ven said it with a monotonous face and voice.
"Huhuhu. I only learned from the best."
What are these two adults saying? Are all outsiders crazy? Who are they to decide what kind of life I'll live? All I want is to end this.
All I want is to be with the diseased.
"What the hell, fuckers. Who are you to decide on my life." I murmured. It's a complaint, a complaint I don't have the right to say.
"Ha, ha, ha." Lee smiled awkwardly. "We're nobody, to be honest."
"No, we're somebody. To be precise, I'm someone who saved his life. He should be indebted." Ven protested.
"Who says I wanted to live?"
That's true. I should have died just like anybody. Why am I alive? Who am I to still breathe?
Warm tears roll my eyes. I can't remember the last time I cried. Maybe the time my parents died? If I can remember correctly, I blamed God for what happened.
I laughed.
Life is indeed funny.
Can I blame God again this time?
No, it's all my FAULT!
"He doesn't want to live boss? He gave me permission. Should I throw him off from the boat?"
"Don't be so rushed Ven. He's just confused. Kid, calm down. You're just in shock. You'll regret your decision once you die!"
No, I won't regret it.
"Boss, are you an idiot? The dead won't regret anything. They don't feel pain or suffering."
"Ah, that's not what I meant. Have you ever saw someone jumped from a tall building to commit suicide? I always wonder if they regret their decisions after jumping off. They only have a few seconds until they face death. For sure, many of them regretted their decision during those seconds. They might have wanted to go back but they can't." Lee awkwardly explained.
"Boss, I don't think you need to explain it to him. After all, he's an idiot too."
Yeah, I'm an idiot, the stupidest and trashiest person on the planet!
"He's an idiot, no, the worst trash! His brethren were killed due to his foolishness, and now he has the audacity to die? Just how easy he wanted his life to be?"
Dun. Dun.
My ears are ringing.
What he said isn���t wrong.
Revenge.
Against them?
I bit my lips.
"Then, what should I do? I can't bring anyone from death! I can't defeat those bastards! I'm powerless!"
I shouted. I cried my hearts out.
I made a mistake.
It was a very big mistake.
I can't- I can't…
If my hands and feet weren't bound by these strange lights, I might have run, jump, and kill myself off.
Ven smirked. That stranger just smirked at me! How dare he to look down at my pitiful situation? If only I could move, I would kill him. He's an outsider too, right? He can just die!
"That's why you're pathetic."
Gulp.
"Do you really think it's your fault? You might play a part of it, but you're just a victim, right? Now, everyone you care about is dead, and you're the only one who's alive. You that play a part in this tragedy are still breathing. Are you just going to kill yourself off? Do you think the dead who hold grudges will be satisfied with that? How can you proudly face them on the afterlife?"
Gulp. His words are harsh, but it's not w-wrong.
"The real killers are still alive, maybe enjoying the best times of their lives after receiving the big reward from the raid."
The outsider's jolly face flashes on my mind.
"Use that as a motivation to live right now. We won't take part in your revenge, but we'll lend you a hand to survive in the cruel world that's waiting for you behind this sea." Lee added.
"Wait, I'm an idiot. You're not even blessed or cursed. Since it's impossible to go against the government from the beginning, maybe, it's the best choice to give up and rest in peace together with the deceased."
"Ven, you're dark aura is leaking.
They might have said something but I can't hear them anymore.
"You can kill him."
"You can kill them. Think. Think."
The familiar voices go louder.
"You can't go down alone. Every single one of them should pay for killing those children. Everyone, especially that outsider named Tim, Green."
"Oh, don't tell me he's seriously going to go against God?" Ven looks annoyed.
Our gaze met. My mind has cleared.
There's no turning back now.
They asked me a while ago if I can read. Thankfully, I learned from that bastard Tim that their writing system is similar to ours.
This is my chance.
"Please hire me." I face them with full determination.
"I can read."