TW: panic attacks and age regression. Also flashbacks of abuse and self degrading. Also flashbacks of r*peThis whole chapter has several triggering parts. This is slightly more of suga's backstory and where fukurodani comes in. Read if you want to up until the flashback is important. And after the flashback is important too. Please don't read if you have panic attacks at the mention of abuse or rape. This might not happen in the manga and I'm not trying to tarnish anyone's reputation but this is my fan fiction that I'm writing so I write it how I please. So please don't read if you are going to get triggered. Ok on with the fic.
Sugawara POV
We were in practice just doing our own things with hinata and kageyama practicing hinata receives. Niya and Asahi practicing spiking, receives, and libero jump sets. Tsukishima and yamaguchi practicing serves. Tanaka was sitting over kiyoko like always. Daichi and I were over on the coaches bench because I could feel a panic attack and signed mine and his special sign to tell him I was going to have a panic attack. "Alright everybody I need silence. Stop practicing for a little while and go outside to get some fresh air." Daichi yelled to the team. They all looked really confused but they just listened and did what daichi said to do.
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After everybody was out of the gym and the doors were shut, I completely broke down while sobbing and started to shake a lot. "Hey baby it's ok. He can't hurt you anymore. He can't hurt anyone anymore. I will always protect you." Daichi tried to comfort me but it wasn't working. My attack was getting worse and be knew he had to do something. "I'm sorry love im about to get loud ok. Plug your ears for me." I nodded and covered my ears. I was hyperventilating and daichi was worried so I knew what he was doing. "SOMEONE GET MINE AND SUGA'S BAGS OUT OF THE CLUB ROOM! AND BE FAST DON'T FUCKIN DAWDLE!" I flinched at the yelling and curled into daichi more my panic attack only getting worse. I was hyperventilating, shaking, and I couldn't breathe. Daichi started rubbing my back again but I wasn't expecting it so I freaked out and started to scream at the top of my lungs. "NO DON'T TOUCH ME. PLEASE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME. PLEASE, PLEASE JUST DON'T HURT ME AGAIN!" Everybody ran inside and looked at me confused.
Dai hi POV
I slowly moved over to him and talked to him while doing so. "Hey your ok koushi. He's gone. He's in jail he won't ever hurt you again. It's me, daichi. You know your boyfriend. Don't worry. I'm right here he can't hurt you anymore." I was able to close to him when kageyama and hinata burst into the gym with both of our bags. They went to run to me and I shook my head no. "Walk slowly. You'll Only make this attack worse." I grabbed onto koushi slowly and pulled him to my lap. And started to rub his back. This was the worst attack he's had in a while. "Ok now open both bags and in one of them should be an orange bag that sugawara koushi on it. Get into it and grab the white pill bottle and the inhaler. Don't ask questions we will explain later. Just do as I say and this will end in like 30 minutes. *I turned to suga* hey my love. Can you hear me? If so I need you to breathe for me ok. It's gonna be fine because I'm here to protect you. I love you so much and I won't ever let him touch you again." Kageyama handed me the pill bottle and I looked tauki and signed "water bottle" He nodded and handed me my bottle. "Nobody freak out." Everyone nodded and I looked at suga and just smiled brightly at him and said "hey it's medication time. Remember that it makes it stop. I need you to swallow." He nodded and I popped the pill in my mouth and put water with it. I kissed him and transfered the pill and water to his mouth and watched him swallow it. "Good. now inhaler. Kiyoko go get the weighted blanket please. Or just the security blanket in my bag." She nodded and ran off. I grabbed suga's inhaler and put it to his mouth. "Ready?" He nodded and I pushed the cartridge down and he breathed in his medication. I did this twice and he started breathing normally. Kiyoko came back in with his blanket and I took it from him. I went to let go to put the blanket around his shoulders but he reached out and grabbed onto me and started crying again. "Y-you said that y-you w-wouldnt leave." "I'm not. I have your blanket that momma got you my love." He shook his head and burrowed back into my chest. Kiyoko slowly walked over and drapped the blanket around him. He pulled the blanket off his shoulders and clutched it to his chest as he cried into my chest. The team looked at us in awe. I went to open my mouth when the door opened and two guys walked In the gym. "Oh my god daichi what happened? I haven't seen one like this for a few years. What happens to trigger this?" I shook my head and the two just stood in silence. The whole team sat down and waited in silence until suga stopped shaking and was just crying silently into my chest. "I know we things to explain but that is for when suga feels comfortable. This is the worst attack he's had in almost two years so don't crowned him or ask to many questions ok. " I felt suga's hand touch my cheek and I looked down at him. "It's ok love. It's time I tell them. Especially what they just saw and heard. I can't run from what he did to me forever." Suga said in a crackled voice obviously from the same reading and crying. I nodded and he sat up wiping his tears and sitting in my lap while I wrapped my arms around him as a form of comfort.
Sugawara POV:
It was time that I told the team why I flinched at every touch I wasn't expecting and why I was always around daichi. I was terrified of what they would think of me. I took a deep breathe and then started to explain.
⚠WARNING⚠ THIS IS WHERE THE ABUSE COMES IN TO THIS CHAPTER.
"When I was a kid my mother died in an accident and my dad blamed me for it. After she died he got extremely abusive. He would abuse me daily. I was allowed to do club activities in middle school and elementary school because he didn't want to bring any suspicion onto himself. Volleyball was my escape. One day he called the school and picked me up early and took me home. When we walked through the door he slammed me against the wall and smashed a beer bottle on my head and then continued to beat me for 7 and a half hours. After he was done beating me I looked up and saw three really big and blurry figures walk towards me. They got down to my level and then they started to touch me and they." I choked on a sob and daichi said I didn't have to continue. I shook my head and started talking again. "They deserve to know. I trust them. Anyway, after they got their fill of touches they started to kiss and suck my skin. While they were doing this they were getting themselves ready by touching themselves. Th-they then took off their pants and my pants and boxers. Th-then they r-raled me. I was so scared. After that day those men started coming around more often. I grew up until my last year of middle school. Daichi helped me get out of that house. But he didn't get out without a scratch. Because I was to weak and scared to go home alone he got hit and really badly injured. Of course we didn't go back without the cops so they stormed I and arrested him. I wouldn't let them come in with us. Asahi was there that day to but he stayed in the cold cars because I told him to. I was do scared that day. K feel extremely guilty for what happened that day. I'm sorry for screaming and scaring you guys." I wiped that tears that started to run down my face unintentionally. "Alright everyone. Asahi and no ya since you guys are back in the club you guys are cleaning the gym tonight while I take suga home. Everybody else go home and get some rest. This is a lot to take in. Don't worry, suga's dad is locked up and he lives with me and my parents. So go home and get some rest. You'll introduce yourselves tomorrow so don't worry." Daichi said. As everyone was getting up takeda-sensie walked through the gym door and started saying that we had a practice match to do in two days. We all said "HAI" But not to loud as to not set suga off again. We all went home and I walked in with daichi hand in mine and we went upstairs. He told me to take a shower while he went and notified has mom so she could keep a record of my attack. I loved living with daichi and his family. It was my favorite thing in the world. After my showers I walked into mine and daichi room and plopped onto the bed. I plugged my phone in and waited for daichi to come back from talking to his mom. He walked in and I told him I was fine and to take a shower. It took some convincing and many "I have my weighted blanket and my security blanket's. And I'll be fine for a few minutes while you shower. " But I finally convinced him to take a shower. After he came back he climbed in bed then we cuddled till we went to sleep.
Time skip~ next day
Kageyama POV
After what happened yesterday I didn't know what to feel. I felt so bad for suga after he told us his back story. I got up and got ready for school. And when I was done I walked downstairs and said bye to my sister then headed off to school. When I got there I headed to the gym and walked inside. I remember that daichi said there were two people that needed to introduce themselves. So I sat on the floor next to hinata and yamaguchi. After everyone was there the introduction were started and iearned that the two new people weren't actually new. They were the libero and ace of this team. The libero's name is yuu nishinoya. And the aces name is Asahi azumane. They got suspended from club activities for a month after they got in a fight because Asahi was blaming himself for a loss that he couldn't help. I was interested on what our team would look like from here on out but I just waited till we started practicing. I was feeling the urge to talk to someone about my issues, but there was no way I could go to suga or daichi. Not after what happened last night. I felt so bad about everything that I couldn't go to them with my problems. I wanted out of my house so bad but u just couldn't bring myself to get out the words I needed to so I bottled them up inside. I couldn't believe that I was being such a bitch about this but i was scared. But putting all of that aside I was excited for the practice game and practice was so starting so I threw all my troubles away for now. I got up and started to practice. During practice I started to feel a pressure in my throat so I asked daichi to go to the bathroom. I walked out of the gym and when I was far enough from the gym I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could. When I got into the stall I fell to the ground and leaned over the toilet. Nothing came out and I knew what the problem was. I pushed two of my fingers to the back of my throat and forced myself to throw up. I did it again and again until I was completely empty and then I did it once more to make sure everything was out. I had to make sure I was skinny enough so I wouldn't get mean comments from him when I got home. "Dammit. Why am I still to fat. DAMMIT!" I got up flushed the toilet and washed my hands. I left the bathroom and went back to practice. After practice was over Asahi and noya had to clean the gym up and do I just went straight home ready for the mean degrading comments and jokes I was so used to. As soon as I walked through the door I immediately heard then start to flood through the house.
Time skip~ yamaguchi POV
It was the day of the practice match against fukurodani. I was excited for the game because we were going up against a powerhouse school. I was really excited but really nervous. The door opened and a "THANKS FOR HAVING US!" rang out. I saw suga flinch so I signed "you good" To him. He smiled and gave a thumbs up. He went to walk to daichi and he stopped midway. Daichi looked at him in concern and walked over. I looked away even though j was worried because it's not my business to watch their every move. I noticed that the guy that looked like the captain was showing signs of needing to regress. I had a lot of the same signs so that's how I knew what it was. Be looked really stressed out. I walked over to tsukishima and tapped his arm. "Hey tsuki I don't know if you noticed but the guy with spiky grey and black hair looks really stressed and I think those little things he's doing with his hands and legs are things to keep him big." He nodded and said he agreed with me and we both agreed to keep a watch on him. After the captains decided on who was spiking and who was receiving the match started. I might not have been playing but I still watched both sides with extreme focus. After we got in the lead by blocking the captains spike he got really depressed looking and I could tell it was getting harder to stay in big space. I glanced at tsuki and he nodded. The game went on and he wasn't getting any sets. He looked really down. He jumped to block asahi's spike and jumped wrong. He blocked the spike and then hit the floor clutching his knee and crying. "Shit TSUKI!" "I KNOW TADASHI!" He slipped. we both ran over and tsuki immediately gathered him up in his arms. "Hey Bubba are you ok. Can you show me where it hurts. Tadashi if you have to slip let yourself slip so he knows he isn't alone in this. This is really scary for him so please do it to help him out." I nodded and I did actually need to slip from the stresses of studying. "Hey somebody get me a first aid kit and someone go get an ice pack from the nurse." Tsuki started yelling orders.
??? POV
I saw bokuto go down and something seemed to change about him. I was really scared for him and if he was ok. After the blonde one started yelling orders I snapped of my daze and ran over. "Hey what is his name?" "His name is bokuto and mine is akaashi." He nodded and went back to what he was doing. "Hey, bokuto don't worry Bubba it's going to be ok. Tada baby go get your blank maybe it will help bokuto out here." The darker haired kid stopped trying to make bokuto laugh and got up. He skipped out of the gym like a little kid and came back with a blanket. I was so confused on what was going on. The first aid kit and ice pack were brought over. The taller one took the ice pack and started talking to bokuto again. "Hey little man. This is going to be cold but it will make it feel better. Hey akaashi hold this on top of the wrappings on his knee." I nodded and did as he said. Bokuto slowly stopped crying and fell asleep on top of the tall kid. "What the fuck was all of that?" I asked in confusion. "Wait so you mean to tell me that you didn't know this guy was a little. How well do you guys really know your captain. Or do you just say you do because he is the ace." The tall blonde guy was really angry at this and guess the shorter dark haired kid picked up on this because he crawled over to the tall guy and hugged him around the neck. "Daddy calm down. Maybe he was like me and he was to scared to tell them. Now everybody will know and I'm scared about that. But please calm down daddy your scaring me." He nodded and kissed the shorter boys forehead as he huddled into his side and layed on the taller ones thigh. He fell asleep and the whole gym fell silent. "Can I have bokuto while he sleeps and you can take whatever his name is. I'm sorry I don't know." He nodded and passed bokuto over to my lap slowly so he wouldn't wake up. Bokuto snuggled into my lap and both teams sat down. Can you please explain this and explain how in the hell yea knew what to do tsukishima. And why did yamaguchi start acting like a baby?" Blurted out the orange haired middle blocker from kurasuno.
Yamaguchi POV
After I let myself slip into little space I fell asleep on tsuki's thigh. I didn't let myself fully slip because then I would need all of my stuff for being a little like diapers, pacifiers and toys. I woke up by the sound of tsuki's voice. I groaned and sat up in the middle of him explaining something. "I'm tadashi's caregiver. Tadashi is a little and I've known for years. I've also been his caregiver for years. I know how to explain this stuff but I'm not as good at explaining as he is so I'll let him explain when he wakes up Oh good morning sleepy head did you sleep well?" I nodded and turned to the team. "Being a little helps to relieve stress. It doesn't work for everyone and I've come to be comfortable telling people. So I don't really care that all of you know. The worst thing you could do for bokuto when he wakes up is bombard him with questions. Don't ask why he didnt tell you. It's terrifying to just come out and say " Hey I'm a little. I like acting like a kid cuz it helps with stress." Ok because it's hard to tell people. I can so openly say this because it's been this way since my first year of middle school. But seriously don't bombard him questions and let him explain it all to you when he is ready." Everyone looked at tadashi in awe and then storing was heard from akaashis lap and then bokuto sat up. He had a terrified look on his face. "Hey bokuto?"
He nodded and I saw the corners of his eyes well up with tears. "Hey it's ok. I explained little space a little bit and why some people choose to be like us. Don't worr-" "Wait what do you mean by us? Are you a little too?" I nodded and bokuto started to let tears slip down his face. I hugged him I looked at akaashi to comfort him too. He started to rub bokuto's back he let go of me and jumped into akaashis arms. I figured out just by watching them that they were a couple. "Hey everyone let's go out of here for a minute. Let these two talk it out." Everybody nodded agreeing with me and got up and went outside. Me and tsuki went out after everyone else.
Sugawara POV
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I was walking to the club room with daichi to get my panic attack meds when u started to get flashbacks only making the attack come quicker. I stumbled and reached out to daichi to try and catch myself before I fell because I knew that if I hit the floor the flashbacks would go to the hitting and kicking. Daichi couldn't catch me in time and I hit the floor curling up into a ball. The flashbacks started coming and my attack hit fast and hard. Not as bad the one last night but enough to where parts of my memory started to fade in and out.
Flashback~~
I walked through the front door quietly as I didn't want to wake up my dad and get beat again. I was sick and tired of the pain and the assault. I wasn't as lucky as I was hoping because when I got inside I felt something hit my back and I winced in pain. The things broke because of my spine and fell the floor. I cried out in pain and fell to the floor landing on the glass while curling up in a ball to try and protect myself. "Hey koushi~~ welcome back. We're gonna have some fun tonight." The voice wasn't one that I recognized because it wasn't my dad. I started shivering in fear because I knew what this man would do. He grabbed me by the hair and shoved his member through my teeth and into my mouth. I hadn't realized that his pants we're off before because I was to busy trying to stay curled up in a ball. I cried but I couldn't stop him. He continued to ram his disgusting twitching and throbbing cock into the back of my throat slamming his hips in to my face so he was balls deep until he came and it shot down my throat. After he removed his member from my mouth I coughed and coughed for 5 minutes while trying to get away. I couldn't because he was already behind me taking off my pants and boxers fingering my hole to loosen me up while he got himself erect again. I cried and cried the whole time he was doing these things begging him to stop and to let me go. He didn't listen and continued to do his own thing. After a while he was done and then he left the house leaving me on the floor naked and in pain. I went to the bathroom to clean my self up and get the glass out of my skin. "I'm going to tell daichi and Asahi tomorrow. I'm so tired of this and it's so hard to gets these guys' fuckin juice out of my feathers. I hated how they touched me, how they would grip my wings to make me scream. I wanted out of this hell hole of a place I'm supposed to call " Home" And from that monster I was supposed to call "dad".
Flashback over
I could tell what was happening and I tried to sign a phrase I never would have thought I would have to but I knew it had to be done. " Get my meds and call the ambulance. I need a hospital. I'm sorry daichi I love you." Tsukishima saw what I signed and so did yamaguchi. They jumped into action with yamaguchi running to the bag in the club room and tsukishima calling 119. Yamaguchi came with the orange bag and inhaler along with a bottle. Daichi did his thing that he has to do with my pill and gave me my inhaler to help me breathe. Man asthma and panic attacks aren't fun. Especially not when combined together. I was so freaked out from the panic attack that I pushed daichi away wrapped my arms around my legs close to my ankles to shield my lower half from the world. Daichi knew what this meant and he decided to sit in front of me so no one would come near me. I was still shaking and hyperventilating but it wasn't as bad. I lost consciousness when the ambulance arrived.
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Hey thanks for reading. This chapter was over 4000 words by itself. This chapter was the chapter I've had the most trouble writing so far and I haven't even gotten to kageyama. I know there was a huge spoiler on this chapter to what's going on at home for him and I'm sorry for that. I promise that I will explain in the future more as the chapter go on but for now, this is what you got. This chapter is both one of my favorite chapters and my least favorite chapter because I was able to talk myself in to doing it. I am proud of myself for being able to write this chapter but I'm also extremely stressed about this chapter because it brought back memories I would have rather not awakened. But here's the next chapter I hope you enjoyed. I know it was hella fuckin depressing but here you go. I'll update when I can. Thanks for reading bye. ٩(ര̀ᴗര́)ᵇʸᵉ