TIANA
I bit down on my lip hard hearing the tired sigh slip past my mother's lips as she eyed me," Tiana. . ."
"You can go on without me. I'm not ready yet."
"Tim has been in the ground for years now. When will you ever be ready to visit him and your father," she mumbled grabbing her keys.
I looked away briefly out of guilt, knowing that she was right. It had been years but I hadn't mustered up enough courage to go to the cemetery and at this point, I wasn't sure if I ever would. She moved around the house ensuring she had everything and I remained stuck in my seat wishing I could push my bones to move instead of being limp in this chair. Flowers in hand she paused briefly by the door and gave me one final look.
"You sure you don't want to come?"
Of course I want to come.
"Yes, I-I'm good," I said feeling a weight be placed on my shoulders at the look that flashed past her face before she nodded timidly and quietly shut the door. I stretched my legs under the table and looked at the childhood walls left to my thoughts. I didn't exactly know how long I sat there. Eventually, I stood up and shuffled around the house, not looking for anything in particular until I caught sight of Tim's door. Taking a step towards it, I froze when I heard knocking. Confused I waited a few more seconds to ensure my mind was playing with me. When I heard the continuous light knocking I opened the door without a second thought and found grey orbs widen in shock.
"Please tell me my mother didn't call you here to keep me company?" I groaned leaning against the door, he smirked and spared a glance over my shoulder.
"I came to see your mom. But judging from your statement, I'm guessing she's not here."
"Yeah she went out . . . somewhere. Not sure what time she'll be back so you can return la-" my statement was cut short when he pushed me aside and entered the house without uttering so much as a word to me. I nearly tripped at his sudden movements but the feel of his arm snaking around my waist made the possibility of me falling onto the floor seem unlikely.
He held me up and instinctively my hands laid flat on his chest- upon further investigation by my fingertips, a firm chest to be more specific.
"You're surprisingly quite clumsy, aren't you?" he murmured staring down at me and as much as I'd allowed this man to invade my personal space, standing here close to me, it baffled me how all this time I had never noticed the golden flecks in his eyes. The same eyes that I only realized were equally observing me, taking me in as well. I knew at this point I should push him away but the smell that entered my nostrils made my tense muscles relax slightly to sniff the scent. Unlike the other times, this one was spicy.
Taking a few calming breaths, my eyes remained trained on his. His orbs continued an invisible path all over my face. The rhythm in my chest grew more intense as his eyes darkened once they landed on my lips.
The times I neglected my needs hit me full force at the fact I was getting winded just from this man's attention.
When I knew I should have been at my brother's grave.
Just that thought dampened my mood. My lips snapped shut along with my emotions and I wasted no other time in pushing him away feeling ashamed all of a sudden. I moved past him ignoring his questioning gaze.
"Obviously if I told you to leave you won't. And I'm in no condition to fight you off so sit wherever you want just. . ." I paused to look him in the eye," don't bother me."
I didn't wait to see his reaction; instead, I marched into Tim's room hoping the room would prohibit my head from spinning.
I was elated to find the box filled with his books still there. Now that I took more notice of the room- it was the only box there.
Shifting through a few of the books, suddenly craving to sit down and just read something. I was suddenly dying to escape even if it was for a moment and ignore the guilt I felt along with the voice in my head that kept whispering the word 'coward' over and over again.
I was scared, terrified to go to the cemetery and though I had seen his body enter the ground I had convinced myself it had all been some dream. A horror-filled illusion and that one day I'll just wake up and see him standing before me, smiling down at me. And when my mind momentarily shifted to Monica, whose offer swam in my head, I smiled. I appreciated her help, but talking about him was my mechanism to avoid coming to terms with him being . . . gone.
Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, I opened the page of the novel running my hands over the words. The first lines sinking into my head.
Love will come unto you
Through darker days and dreary nights.
For you to take it past the pain it brings, through the searing agony it sings
is a choice- to let your hands be painted in its red,
It's a choice for your mouth to taste sweetness past the bitterness.
"I never knew you love to read," I perked up to find him leaning against the door frame watching me very much amused at my reaction. I resorted to shrugging in response to his comment and returned my attention to the book in my hand. Sadly it was hard to concentrate when I heard his deep voice again.
"When I first touched a book, I was convinced that no one else in the world knew what I was going through. That for some odd reason I was the only one who had been subjected to a terrible childhood. A bit stupid- I know," he chuckled," but once I read certain stories, became acquainted with characters to the point I drew images of them in my head. I learnt that if anything I wasn't alone . . . somewhere out there, someone else can relate to me."
I glanced up in his direction, instead of his eyes being on me like I assumed, he was staring hard at the ground. Looking him over, my eyes zoomed in on what he had tucked under his arm. Squinting hard I try to recall if I had seen him holding anything when he came to the door, but the only thing I could remember was his arm holding me so firm-
Okay- moving on.
"You want to read it?"
"Huh?" I tilted my head in confusion.
He chuckled lightly before he moved into the room, grabbing the chair situated by the table. Once he got himself settled he offered the manuscript to me.
"Go on. I promised your mom that once I finally finished the book she'd read it and I'm dying to have someone's opinion on it so. . ." he muttered stretching the manuscript towards me.
"If this is some weird fantasy shit-"
He laughed the sound boisterous and deep, my face broke its mask of indifference the minute he snorted. His eyes widened at the slip up such that a rose pink tint colored his cheeks as he rubbed his neck awkwardly.
"Uh. . ." he cleared his throat, shuffling around in his seat," as much as I'm obsessed with watching it. I've never attempted to write it. The things I write about has mostly been influenced from the things I've read. . . Along with what I've been through," he mumbled the last part a bit lower.
"You do realize it'll take some time for me to read all this."
"It's okay. Take all the time you need on it. I got another copy I could just give your mom."
"Speaking of which . . . don't you want to head out, I mean there's nothing much to do here."
"Let's leave then," he shrugged casually and I blinked a few times in confusion.
"You heard what I said, right?"
"Yeah, did you?" he pointed in my direction.
"Luis," I said sternly pinching the bridge of my nose.
"What?"
"I want to be alone."
He looked away for a split second only to return his gaze onto me," You need a change of scenery."
"No," I replied calmly unwilling to back down on the little staring match we had already entered. He smirked once the word entered the atmosphere.
That should have been the first hint.
"No?"
"I didn't stutter, you ass of a man," I remarked, watching a smile unveil itself at the mention of his new name. He stood up and I was ready to do a celebratory dance that he was leaving.
Do not- ever celebrate too fast.
It blocks you from being aware of your surroundings and in my case I failed to see his body not only inches from mine but reach out and lift me from my seat.
"Ah!" I shrieked flailing my arms at having my body thrown over his shoulder as if I weighed next to nothing.
"Put me the fuck down!" I yelled punching his back, the profanities coming out my mouth could make any sailor blush. But a pain quickly shot up from my ass, making me yelp in shock.
Did this motherfuc-
"Yes I just spanked you," he calmly stated placing me onto the sidewalk after he shut the door. Mouth gaping, I was in disbelief but at this point, I'm not sure if I should still allow myself to be surprised at the things he was doing anymore.
"The way you force yourself on me, I'm tempted to think you're no different from that guy at the club," his smile dropped to a dark expression.
It failed to intimidate me though, I was too livid at the way he manhandled me out of the house. However, when he moved forward menacingly, a small part of me swallowed hard at the look he was giving me.
"For god's sake, I'm just-" he closed his eyes momentarily running his hands through his hair," you looked a bit down and I just wanted to help. You can go back inside and shut yourself away!" his voice rose until it all but softened along with his face as he looked me in the eye," but I don't want you to."
He abruptly turned on his heel and walked away, for a second I'm once again reminded of the first time he ever came to see me.
I had walked away the first time, ignored him without a second thought.
And yet as I glance at the door, the appeal of it was low as compared to his retreating profile.
After all he didn't deserve my hostility after what he did.
Squaring my shoulders, the uncertainty evident I pushed it aside and quickly followed him.
"Hey, wait up," I called out relieved that he had stopped, as I stood in front of him and looked up at him.
I hope I didn't come to regret any of this
"I never meant that crap," I murmured lowly in the hopes that he'll take that as my form of an apology.
"It's okay," he mumbled shaking his head," I probably shouldn't have reacted that way if there wasn't more to it."
"How much more to it?" I inquired looking him over. The demure Luis made an appearance before me. As he avoided my gaze entirely choosing instead to speak to the ground when he replied," More than you know."