The Confession Of My Restrictions

26/08/2018 17:51

Do Not Set Me Free

From the voices in my head

That keep yelling out

The lies

And truths

Without a permission slip

From my heart

Do Not Set Me Free

From my scars

And a need to tattoo

My body with words

That tell a story

About who I am

And who I need to be

Do Not Set Me Free

From the constant spill

Of I love yous

I need yous

And you're the one

Texts

Because I've been the one

Spilling toxic lies

To the ones who would

Give their all

But have all my cries

Because I couldn't differentiate

Between love, lust, like

And similarities

Of my first love

And those with similar

Attributes of him

So I love love love

My new

New

New

Lessons of heart breakages

So Do Not Enter Me

Like you know my capabilities

Do Not Say You Love Me

And not be willing to know

You'll never be enough for me

Do Not Try To Make Love To Me

Cause all I'll see is a man

Trying to fuck me

But me rape him of

The delusion of what

True love is

And choke him

With absolute lies

With my kisses

And hugs

Knowing I'm incapable of letting go of my first

Though I must admit

Once upon a time

I would've said

Maybe even now say

I don't think I'm ready

Ready to let go

Of the memories

We shared

At school

Home

Church

Wherever

Though I say this

I don't regret

Wanting to be close

To your scent

Wanting to bury myself

Within your neck

I don't regret

Wanting to

Protect you

And hold you as if

A fragile child

I don't regret

Wanting to let

You whisper words

Dirty

Or

Innocent

I don't regret

Wanting to scream

Your name at the

Edge of the mountain

I don't regret

Wanting to hear

Your freaking stupid

Jokes

Or better yet

Rap lines as if check rhymes

I don't even think

I'd regret

My cries and screams

For just your attention

Because I meant it

When I got on my knees

And called out you names

To our heavenly father

Telling him how precious

Rare

And perfect you are

To me and to those that don't see it

Don't deserve your presence

My prayers

I know

Reached God's ears

And when I said your happiness

Joy

Love comes before me

That it should leave me

And enter you I meant it

Like a mothers love to her dearest child

He answered

How I know this is easy

I said God give him happiness

And

He

Gave

You

Her…

While I was sad

I was kind

And grateful.

Cause I asked for it

A woman's love

Could light up a path way

And I needed your pathway to be bright

With love, Mercy…Joy

Even if it meant it wasn't with me

I don't think I could ever

Regret any of it

I never will

Because I promise you

I will tattoo on my

Wrist

Chest

Neck

Shoulder

Or upper arm

The initials that I dreamt of

That I knew I could have deserved

The initials that should have been engraved

On my certificate

Because it was right

You've given me pain yes but

I learnt to become a warrior

I learnt to find myself

I learnt to find you

I will always remember you

The initials

Are currently my only lovers

So yes, I don't regret

Because now I know how to love

Someone else better