Chapter 40: Episode 20 - Mind of Doubt (1)
"Oh, Tennouji is here?" I questioned and Fraise came closer.
"Ah, and Honey is here, too!" Fraise said excitedly as we peeked through the window together.
Tennouji had such a serious face when she was focusing on making candy sculptures. Her beauty really can't be compared.
'I still don't get why I'm called the Ice Princess. They say it's because I'm serious a lot of the time and because I'm pretty, but I can't even be compared to Tennouji…'
When I realized that I was thinking such thoughts, a sad smile appeared on my face that I couldn't wipe off.
'Hah, I'm doubting myself again… I guess it's become normal at this point…'
"Keiko, what's wrong?" Fraise asked in concern and I shook my head.
"It's nothing. It's just encaptivating to watch Tennouji do something so intricately. I'd say she's good with making candy sculptures like Hanabusa."
We continued to look through the window and Fraise gave a light knock on it.
Knock knock knock~
"Fraise, what are you doing?" I asked in surprise.
"Well, I know it's only been a day since the pudding battle, but I need to talk to Honey," Fraise explained.
After hearing that light knock, both Honey and Tennouji faced toward the window that we were peering through.
"Oh, Michiko?" Tennouji said in surprise and I waved my hand.
"Even Fraise is here as well!" Honey noticed cheerfully.
Both gestured for us to come in through the door so we followed.
* * *
Once we entered the door, Fraise and I bowed to them respectively.
"It's nice to see you again," Tennouji said to us as we entered.
"You as well, Miss Tennouji," I replied and we sat down next to her by her station.
Honey had already prepared drinks for us before we came in and she was adding just a touch of honey to the tea.
"Here, drink up. This is honey milk tea," Tennouji offered us and we nodded our heads.
"Thank you," I said as I took a sip of the freshly prepared tea.
'Ah, what a mild and gentle taste… It's elegant as it is but the power is strong…'
As we drank our tea, I decided to ask a question that had been on my mind.
"Are you practicing for the Grand Prix?" I asked her and she nodded her head calmly.
"Yes. Being the student council president means having a lot of odd jobs so I still had to find enough time to fit practicing into my schedule. What about you?" Tennouji replied, asking me a question.
"Ah, I'm practicing as well though…. I'm not doing as well as I thought I'd be doing…" I responded and she clocked her head sideways in confusion.
"Is that so? Why might you think that?" She asked as I hesitated to answer.
'What should I say? I'm not eating properly right now? I've been having strange thoughts? I'm not getting enough sleep? I'm feeling fatigued?'
I thought to myself for a bit before answering her question.
"Usually, I don't necessarily feel hungry or get enough sleep so my health isn't at its best," I admitted with a monotone voice.
Tennouji took a sip from her cup after she heard my reply. She eyed me up and down to look at my complexion and physical state.
"Now that you mention it, you seem undernourished, pale, and tired. I hope I'm not meddling with your personal affairs, but you need to take better care of your body regardless. If you don't take care of your body, you'll only end up hurting yourself in the end," Tennouji explained as I took in her words.
'I'll only be hurting myself in the end…' I thought about her words for a bit before she continued.
"If you can't take care of your health, you'll only end up worrying those around you. I can see that the Sweets Princes care for you, but how do you feel towards them?" Tennouji asked me seriously, putting down her cup and her brown eyes staring deep into my bright blue eyes.
"I feel…" I struggled to answer but the words finally managed to come out. "I feel... like I'm a liability… Because of me, it feels like I'm only holding the team back from their full potential."
Tennouji widened her eyes in surprise from my answer, clearly taken aback for a moment. She remained quiet for a moment before answering.
"Hmm… is that how you feel?" She asked me and I nodded my head slowly. Tennouji put her hand to her chin in a thinking manner before saying anything else.
"You may feel this way but from how I see it and how others may see it, I don't think you're holding your team back. Instead, I think that you're truly bringing out the full potential of those who work alongside you. Just because you're the new girl does not mean that you don't belong. I can see that the Sweets Princes truly care for you, though how they express it may be different. Have more faith in yourself and don't bring your hopes down. Work through your obstacles and try to better yourself," Tennouji lectured as I absorbed her wise words.
'Maybe I have been too harsh on myself lately… Fraise said it and even Tennouji acknowledges it as well that the Sweets Princes care for me. But…'
"... I don't belong," I said my thoughts out loud and Tennouji looked at me seriously, looking at the sad expression I wore.
"Isn't that how everybody feels? Whether you are talented and have many skills or even if you lack both talent and skills, isn't it the same? Those who are talented feel as though they aren't, just like those who lack skills. We're human after all and these thoughts will continue to bother us, but it is up to you, whether you want to stand tall and be better, or continue to bring yourself down."
'Even those who are good feel as if they don't belong, just like those who think they're bad? Whether I want to better myself or lower myself, I get to decide what I want…'
"I will tell you straight up, Michiko. You do not lack skills when it comes to baking and I sense that your drive for becoming a patissiere is strong for whatever reason. The only thing you lack is self-confidence because you seem to push yourself too hard when you haven't realized that you've reached your limit. Did you know that Hanabusa looks after the flowers at this school? Or that Andou helps out at his family's bakery every weekend? Even Kashino practices with chocolate every day. They're aiming to be top-class," Tennouji explained as I thought about her words.
'I knew Kashino always practiced with chocolate every day in the morning but I never realized that Hanabusa and Andou did other things as well… What's my drive? What do I do to reach the top? Why am I doing this…?'
As I thought about it for a moment, I was quickly reminded of my answer.
'That's right… I'm doing this not only for my mom but for myself as well…'
Reminiscing my mom brought back the memories I shared with her in the past. She would be my reason why I study hard, why I practice every day, why I aim to be perfect. I want to be just like her, not only as a world-renown patissiere… but someone that others would look up to.
"It will take time to find yourself but I know you'll get there eventually. I can tell those Sweets Princes don't think you're a liability to them. Instead, don't you think they want you to aim for the top together with them?"
'Aiming for the top… together?' This phrase settled deep into my mind.
"Focus on your struggles and work through them to become better," Tennouji said and I slowly nodded my head.