There were fires and smoke around me. And I was crying and sobbing, the corpse of my clan was everywhere.
I don't even know what to do. And I was drenched in blood all over my body. But none, there's no one. I embrace the dead, hoping for life. But no one even moved or breathed. There is no life. I ask at least one person to save me. But no one came. Is this how it will happen in my life? Am I going to die in this situation? How about my whole clan? What will happen to them? What can I do to save them?
I see the sun rising. And the tears in my eyes have dried up. When will my suffering end?
'Is there anyone here? Is there someone here who is willing to save me? Is there anyone here?'
I shouted but I think no one heard my voice. I think this is where my life will end because I know nothing good will happen to me if I stay alive. They are gone. I lost everything. What else is my reason for living? Everything is gone. There is nothing left for me. Who am I and why did they waste their lives for me?
'Why? Why did you do this for me ?! Why ?! Why did you leave me? Why? Why did you waste your life on me when I, on the other hand, am a worthless princess in our clan and have not even brought any good to our country. What is my real purpose in life? Why did you keep me alive? I do not want to be a princess and I do not want to be one '
I was tired of crying. I got up and started walking alone in a place full of dead people. I can no longer feel anything because I feel numb. Will I walk the road full of silence and bitterness? When will this long walk end?
During my trip, I suddenly stumbled. I can't get up anymore, I'm tired. I can no longer stand, help me get up. I still stay in my position and I could not stand. I was just staring at the ground waiting for nothing. A few minutes later I noticed the shadow of a man, a man. He helped me stand up. I looked at his face but because of my tears, I could not see him. He said 'What are you doing in this place? Come join me on my journey and you will see how beautiful the world is' I looked at him again but I still could not see his face because of the light surrounding his figure. Is he like a savior from heaven? Does the Deity hear my request? Will I be free from my suffering?
I suddenly woke up. 'Ah, everything is just a dream' I thought. That dream was terrible but very mysterious. Who is the man who helped me? Isn't that North? Ah, it's impossible. I don't even know if my doubts about him are wrong or right. So I'm not too sure yet.
Then North suddenly entered the room and was shocked when he saw me.
"Oh, why?" I asked.
"Why are you crying? What happened? Is something wrong with you?"
I didn't notice, I was crying. What kind of dream is that and I even cry that I do not notice.
"You sure you're ok?"
"Ah yeah, it was just a dream. No need to worry about"
"I was cooking when I suddenly heard a groan in here. And I suddenly saw you. Are you sure you're ok?"
North came near me and sat on the side of the bed.
"Come here, Amy"
I moved to the side of North and then he suddenly touched my forehead.
"I see, you're sweating too much. You had a fever"
"Ah damn…how am I suppose to work today?"
"No, you need to rest for today alright? Wait let me just settle the curtains so the air can spread inside the room. I am not confident in opening the aircon it might worsen your fever."
He stood up and started to open the curtains and windows in the room so that the air could enter inside and so that I would not feel too hot. I looked up at his back. His shoulders are so broad, good shoulder to lean on when you cry. Why do I feel like my heart is always at ease with him? Why do I felt like I can trust him? What if I tell him? No, I'm too afraid to do that. I'm hesitating whether to do it or not, argh! I'm such an idiot. For Pete's sake, Eun Sol can you just please throw away your doubts just this once! You're a princess ok! Do what you have learned before, remember all of it.
'A princess must make wise decisions without doubts'
Someday if I will be able to take the throne and become the queen. Am I gonna be able to take the responsibility as a queen? Since it was a big responsibility being a queen.
The princesses are trained mercilessly in etiquette, reading, writing, the arts, music, and palace education. I am also taught about, from a young age, the importance of bearing sons. How am I able to bear a son? Gosh, this is crazy. I never know that this kind of tradition is still ongoing. I think I can't do it. Much worse I'm the only one left in the clan. This is super crazy.
"Uhm, North are you going somewhere today?"
"Well, I have to visit the LCDR today"
"Can you not leave and just stay with me here?"
He looked at me for a while then he smiled.
"Well, why not? It's not important anyway so I'll just stay with you today. Ok?" But first, let's buy you medicine for the cold. I'm gonna call the staffs to call a doctor first"
"Alright"
"I'll be back ok?"
He tapped my head to ensure I then left the room. I tried to get up and helped me to walk towards the living room. Well, I guess I can still walk. My legs are not that weak so I don't have to worry. But my body felt so heavy I think I'm gonna collapse.
"Hey, Amy what are you doing?"
"Oh, you're here?"
"You should go back to your room"
"But I can still move, so I'm fine"
"No, you need to rest ok?"
"Ah, you've got to be kidding me"
"Come here"
Then I walked towards him and I notice that he brought some fruits.
"Oh, and the doctor will be here in a few minutes so let�����s go to your room, and let's eat this fruit ok? Don't do anything weird ok? I know you are hard-headed so please listen to me just once ok?"
"Yes sir"
I walk past him then I suddenly felt my legs tremble and I fell to the floor. Damn, what was that?
"Hey, are you ok?"
"Ah, I guess I'm fine. I'm alright"
I tried to stand up but I fell again. Ok, I think I need a hand. Then suddenly North carried me in a bride style way. And I felt my face heat up. Man, this is so embarrassing!
"See? This is what happens to your stubbornness"
"Ok, thanks for reminding me"
His face is so close!!! Gosh, I think I'm gonna die!
"Are you ok? Your face is turning all red"
"Huh? Me? No, I'm totally fine like really I'm fine hehe you don't have to worry about that"
He then puts me in the bed and arranges all the pillows and blanket.
"So you wouldn't feel any discomfort alright?"
Then he looked at the surroundings then breathes out. And then smiled. Damn it he's so freaking handsome!
"It's been a long time since I last opened the windows in this room. I never know it feels so relaxing and you can even see the view from here. So nice isn't it?"
I looked at the view.
"Yeah, it's so nice. It's cool. Should we open the windows here more often? I wonder, it'll be nicer to see the night view from here"
"Yep, so true. Now let's eat. Can't bear to see you suffer from hunger. Come on, I sliced this apple for you"
"Aww thanks"
Now I realize he's been a good guy to me these past few months. He's been doing good things and all. He does things for me without even asking an exchange from his kindness. Well, I think he asked for one. Affection is what he needed.
"Hey North, what would you do if there's someone lies to you?"
"I don't know never encountered one. You know I'm not a social type of person"
"But for example, you have someone close to you then lied to you what would you feel?"
"Well, I think I would feel betrayed. Of course, that person is close to me but you know people have their reason to lie, maybe for privacy? Or some sort of stuff like that."
"Well, yeah you're right"
"Why do you ask anyway?"
"I was just curious"
"Movie again?"
"Well, yeah movie ahahaha"
"You should stop watching those kinds of movies Amy! That's very bad for your mental health"
"Lol, since when did it become bad for the mental health North? Hello?"
"Just just Amy alright? No questions. Now eat up, before the doctor comes"
"Alright, ok sir!"
After all, I've been pushing myself to tell him the truth but I'm just too afraid. What if he's the enemy right? We never know it's a 50-50 chance. It's not that I don't trust him. But there are lots of probabilities I've been thinking of after I tell him everything. I still remember the day I met him, I never expected it to come through all of this I'm very happy but I guess it's just temporary. I'll be facing my realities soon.